Self employed people. How do you deal with Wives/Girlfriends?

[Orionaut]

As above really!

It is well known that Long term self employed people tend to end up with serious conflict between business and personal life.

I know that I fall into this category .

How do other people who might be in a similar position deal with it or find a workable solution?

 

[Tosno]

Be alpha, set boundaries and don't move them.

 

[Nix]

Be alpha, set boundaries and don't move them.

A great way to have a healthy relationship.

 

[lsg1r]

Personally I just remember I work to live not live to work.

I'm not saying I'm perfect in this regard as I'm forever up late 'being creative' while the ideas are flowing (I'm a designer) but I also allow myself 'time off' as long as I can complete work for deadlines, think of it like flexi-time in a company job.

I also know when not to work because I know I'll end up spending more time twiddling my thumbs than doing work, sometimes it's just better to not do work than force it.

I always try to make time each day/week to spend with important people, it may just be a meal every day or similar but little things like that make a difference.

 

[[FnG]magnolia]

Be alpha, set boundaries and don't move them.

OP, I wouldn't limit what you describe to only self-employed folks but I know what you mean. I think most people realise that there's no full stop at the beginning or the end of the day when we go from HOME stuff to WORK stuff and back again. It's degrees of the same thing, isn't it?

 

[Mynight]

Stay single. It's a wise buisness move as you'll have more money to spend yourself. At least that's what I keep telling myself .

 

[Liquiduk]

Stay single. It's a wise buisness move as you'll have more money to spend yourself. At least that's what I keep telling myself .

I feel ya'

 

[Rifte]

So far my marriage and my relationship with my children on the back of my self employment has been a mixed bag. Both positive and negative.

The positive difference is the day to day flexibility. I am not tied down to a colleague's perception of when and where I should be at any time. My time is driven by my clients and fortunately most of my work can take place on my mobile and my laptop/tablet without the need of necesarily spending 12 hours a day in my office.

So if the wife wants me to go a one of our children's school presentations....I can go. If she wants me to pick up the children from school....I can go. I am also not necessarily bound by the holiday limitations etc (as long as my people are in place to make sure it all happens in my absence)

The only downside I have relates to the amount of international travel that I do. I spend at least 3 to 4 months of the year in hotels. I have a lot of flexibility on when I go...but ultimately I have to go. This makes life very difficult for the wife with managing the children on her own.

 

[Skidder]

Nobody told me about that well known conflict so it has passed me by.

 

[Edrof]

Huh? I'm self-employed and work through evenings. What conflicts?

 

[coolsurfer]

Self-employed pharmacist here, working 7 days, 1st baby due April, wife would rather I work less. It's all for the greater good. I'm going to have 4-6 weeks off when baby is born so I justify it that way and she understands.

 

[bcjames]

Self employed here. It ended my last relationship through probably a mutual lack of understanding, but no issues so far this time round.

As I've got older, I've probably addressed the work/life balance a bit better, but there are still times when its working late 7 days a week. Thankfully my girlfriend can cope without me for a few evenings, and the money such projects bring in makes a significant difference to our lifestyle, so it's worth it at the moment.

 

[Old Man]

Ran my own business for 15 years and never had time for a vacation, plus working almost 24/7 while having a wife and kid. A lot of hard work, but not all of it is work and you just have to pace yourself as the rewards can be very nice indeed, but it is very hard to juggle family and work.

I gave it up and became a bank consultant and though it involved a lot of work, I had much more time for my family.

Good luck

 

[mattyprice4004]

Binned her off, but she was a **** anyway.
Part of the realisation of how absolutely useless she was came with being self employed - sitting doing nothing all day when she could have been helping.

What's work/life balance?

 

[ExRayTed]

Whilst I'm not self employed my job can see me working 14/15 hour days at all times of the day/night, sometimes leaving home at short notice. This means plans sometimes have to be postponed or cancelled. The key is having a wife who understands this and can be flexible with me. My job brings in most of the family income and she understands that this can sometimes mean sacrifices have to be made, especially if she wants the same standard of living we have now.

 

[Hamish]

Me and the wife own a business together and it works well despite seeing each other all day. The only problem is that we have to make sure that we have non work time where we don't talk about work or check emails.

 

[Edrof]

What do you do, Hamish?

 

[Tunney]

My advice would be the find someone who is as equally busy as you. That doesn't necessarily mean that they're self employed - they might have another type of job that's very demanding or maybe they have a hobby that takes up a lot of their time. What you don't want, from my experience, is someone who sits on the sofa waiting for you to come home of an evening.

Meaningless advice if you're already in a relationship though.

 

[johnny6]

The trick is to never let your wife and your girlfriend meet

 

[Tosno]

A great way to have a healthy relationship.

Exactly! The only problem will be if he's had boundaries like EU's and closes them, there will be LOTS of drama, but I believe in OP, he's made the first step