Engagement questions

[ttaskmaster]

Any Englishman capable of reading and assimilating UK divorce law has to be insane to get married at all these days.... Or even cohabit with some bint. You don't need to buy a pub to have a drink.

Sounds like a man who never gets to go down the pub anyway.... Presumably his Mum won't let him.

Who are the "alpha" males here telling their women they will be married?

Presumably in jest:

3. Didnt propose, too beta, just told her.

But I have known people who were like this for real... Oddly enough, they're still single.

 

[peige]

1. Didn't ask him, she would have been insulted if I did tbh, but then he was 80 and she's by no means in his care!
2. Not actually a fortune at all, she chose it. They always have an idea of the sort of ring they want, I on the other hand don't.
3. Intended to do it sometime that year, we'd been together for 7 years (5 of which living together). We went to some really nice bluebell woods for an afternoon out and sat on a bench and I thought, actually now would be a good time.. it was

I never thought i'd get married again after doing the whole married, kids, divorce, loss of everything thing but I guess when you know you know. It makes sense later in life, not sure i'd say its right for anybody under the age of 25 and certainly not before you've lived together for a good few years.

 

[Punt]

1. Didn't ask, nothing to do with him.
2. She chose the ring. Can't remember how much but it wasn't a great deal.
3. As she was cleaning the fridge in preparation for a move.

13th anniversary tomorrow

 

[TNGL]

Seems like asking for a blessing is quite divisive in this thread. As others have stated, asking for a blessing isn't the same as asking for permission. He's also quite old school in that respect, plus I think it would just be a nice thing to do.

As for how much should be spent on the ring, I don't want to appear cheap. It's a representation of me and although it might be seen as willy-waving, I don't want her to wear a ring which isn't anywhere near as good as say her sister's, her friends' etc nor do I want to appear destitute. Simultaneously, I don't want to break the bank and spend something stupid like 25% of gross salary on keeping up with appearances. Hence, whilst I wouldn't get away with a £30 ring, I am jealous of those who have been able to make such a saving.

13th anniversary tomorrow

Congratulations

 

[chroniclard]

Sounds like a man who never gets to go down the pub anyway.... Presumably his Mum won't let him.


Presumably in jest:
But I have known people who were like this for real... Oddly enough, they're still single.

In jest of course. I asked one Christmas morning, ring/box wrapped as a present.

 

[Bassmansam]

How can people spend 1-3 months wages on a but of jewellery that doesn’t actually do anything other than “look nice”. Mind you woman do the same with shoes, handbags and clothes.

 

[Lysander]

How can people spend 1-3 months wages on a but of jewellery that doesn’t actually do anything other than “look nice”. Mind you woman do the same with shoes, handbags and clothes.

But it's not just a bit of jewellery is it, it's what it represents. It symbolises that someone else has chosen to spend their life with you and to support you emotionally, financially and physically till you die, and that you have done the same. While I can understand why people would feel the pressure to spend thousands, I'm personally of the belief that the cost doesn't matter. If it's a ring/rings that you both like, that's the most important thing.

 

[Unseul]

I'm not against expensive rings immediately, but again it jumps out at me as a potential wedding vs marriage thing.

 

[ttaskmaster]

It's a representation of me and although it might be seen as willy-waving, I don't want her to wear a ring which isn't anywhere near as good as say her sister's, her friends' etc nor do I want to appear destitute.

If you're all about proving yourself to other people, measuring yourself in comparison to them and by their standards, and are that worried about how you appear to them, then do yourself a favour and buy your beloved a 130m Super Yacht.

If, on the other hand, you want to marry her and it's no-one else's ******* business, then buy her a ring that she will love. That's the only requirement. It doesn't need to be expensive, but she does need to like it.
Take her most savvy friend with you when you go ring shopping, but remember to take him/her somewhere very good for lunch in thanks for their help.

How can people spend 1-3 months wages on a but of jewellery that doesn’t actually do anything other than “look nice”. Mind you woman do the same with shoes, handbags and clothes.

Same way men spend that kind of money on fancy artwork, or billet aluminium trim for a Harley Davidson, or William Henry jewelry, or a pattern-welded Bowie knife, or a deactivated Chauchat that is just going to sit on display... or in my case an M41-A Pulse Rifle!

 

[dirtychinchilla]

Same way men spend that kind of money on fancy artwork, or billet aluminium trim for a Harley Davidson, or William Henry jewelry, or a pattern-welded Bowie knife, or a deactivated Chauchat that is just going to sit on display... or in my case an M41-A Pulse Rifle!

Yeah I've seen people on here buy all sorts of crap. bobbleheads, posters, random car mods...each to their own

 

[naefeart]

Brilliant, did you use that story in your speech? that was perfect material.

I didn’t, but my best men eluded to it in theirs. It’s still a family joke whenever we fly anywhere

 

[ttaskmaster]

Yeah I've seen people on here buy all sorts of crap. bobbleheads, posters, random car mods...each to their own

Star Citizen pledge packages....

 

[dirtychinchilla]

Star Citizen pledge packages....

haha!

 

[PlacidCasual]

Fun thread to read. Thanks for sharing.

1/ I didn't ask for blessing or permission. We'd been together 9,1/2 years, had 2 kids and moved house twice and she'd been married before. It didn't seem necessary.
2/ She bought her own ring I think, very nice.
3/ We live next to a church, it's literally our neighbour. I'd spoken to them about a date without telling her. I was leaning against the garden gate and asked to come and look at something. I pointed at the church and said we can get married there on "the date" if you want. No knees or rings involved. Very low key, she was happy.

 

[Deleted member 66701]

1) Assuming you asked her Dad for his blessing, how did you go about this?

I didn't ask, why would I need his blessing? She's not his property.

2) In terms of the proportion of gross annual salary at the time, how much was the ring?

Lol - wtf? It doesn't matter how much the ring costs (it was about 100 quid iirc). We went out the day after I proposed and let her chose one.

3) How did you propose?

I was drunk at a house party.


Met 1999, engaged 2001, married 2003. 3 kids (13, 12 and 10 yrs old).

 

[Hades]

1. Her dad died when she was 4 so that was never going to be possible.
2. Neither of us wanted a ring. So it was £0.
3. I took her up the Oxo Tower. I'm not kidding either

Married 17 years (been together for 28 years).

 

[Akagi]

I dont understand the asking the father for his blessing part.

What are you going to do if he says doesnt give it? Abandon the whole relationship? No you're going to say sod you mate, propose anyway, then fall out with her parents.

 

[ttaskmaster]

I dont understand the asking the father for his blessing part.

Depends on the father.
If he's the sort worthy of respect, he'll be the sort you ask - If nothing else it shows respect, and girls who love their daddies will value this. It's also a bit of bonding for your future family.
My wife came from a fairly close family (MiL and DiL are actually visiting right now) and if you want to be part of her life, you have to be part of her family... There's no falling out with them, or there's no wedding.

The engagement is basically a promise to your wife, as much as the wedding vows.
The wedding itself is a promise to all the guests present.
But when you ask for the father's blessing, you're also going to a parent and effectively promising them that you will take as good care of their child as they have done. That's why historical wedding gifts (bride price, dower, dowry, etc) were about proving (and ensuring) you're a man with the means to take care of your wife.

 

[Skiddley]

1) no
2) 1/20th
3) In my apartment in Barcelona after a weekend away.

 

[Bug One]

1) She's not close with her dad, so not really relevant. Not sure I'd have even if she was.
2) I think the ring was about £200. She picked her own ring. She's not really into lavish flashy jewellery. We had a nice holiday together to celebrate our engagement instead.
3) I asked her in a birthday card. We married on the 10th anniversary of us meeting.