Daughter Crying at Nursery (parenting advice)

[Admiral Huddy]

Why the sad face... You are showing me straight away that you are not happy with this. That's negative!!! She has made an improvement.. Did you need read my post above?

Now you must both focus on the little improvement she has made. Emphasise how important that is to mummy and daddy and is make you both happy. Rewards her with priase only. Don't dwell on any negativeness.. If she knows she is making you both happy, that will encourage her.

On the way to school tomorrow, reiterate on how well she done yesterday and the way she made you both feel. Smile and be happy. It's not rocket science, it's common sense.

 

[knip]

Id have to agree with the people who say that getting someone else to take her would be a good idea. (if its possible)

My goddaughter used to scream when her Mum dropped her off at nursery, it was almost as if she cried for the benefit of her mum, because you could watch her through the window after she thought her mum had gone and she was absolutely fine.

I would make nursery part of being at home as well, in that when you get home from work, sit her on your lap for a cuddle, and say "im just dying to hear about what you did at nursery today" and get her to tell you about what she did,
OR
When shes going to nursery that morning, say to her "Id really like it if when you went to nursery today, you drew me a picture, or made me something, could you do that?" and then when she goes, on the way there get your wife to remind her shes got to make a special thing for Daddy, so by the time she gets in the door she will want to do it, and not be thinking about Mum leaving her. Both of those things would make nursery a fun exciting place to be, she either gets lots of love and attention from you AFTER shes been, or she is going to nursery to make something really important for Daddy.

Its really important though that your wife doesnt react to her being upset (easier said than done i know) because if your little girl sees your other half upset (even though shes upset because your daughter is) then it will upset your little girl as well.

Im pretty sure its just a phase she is going through. Keep us posted.

 

[andywalsh]

Definitely relax and keep to the routine.

Says the man who had his daughter prised off him at nursery this morning. Although I know for 100% FACT that she stopped crying within 10 seconds of turning around. Scheming little madam. It's a good job she's cute.

 

[cheets64]

Cheers guys some good advice here

Just got off a phone call with the mrs after she picked my daughter up and she came out all happy. She had another chat with the teacher and they said she was crying for about 15 min and then as soon as they started there normal games, singing etc she started to calm down a bit. My mrs tried to talk to her and all she said is she "wanted my mum".

Well i guess we are gonna have to see how it goes, but i think we definetly need to be strong with her.

But we will soon find out tomorrrow.

My niece has learnt to say "mum back soon"

 

[javv5]

Don't worry, you'll get exactly the same treatment tomorrow. It's called "Anxiety Separation" and can affect a child at any time in their life. The older they get the more of an emotional bond they get with their parents. At a young age all they want is food warmth and sleep. As they get older they realise who mum and dad are and form a greater bond.

What you have to realise is that they have a very short memory span at that age and within 15mins of your wife walking out the door she will have forgotten about her and will be focusing on playing.

As you have stated, on the pick-up she was fine and happy - which is an indication that she has enjoyed her day. It's when they don't want to go and are crying when they are picked up that you need to start worrying. But don't get it confused with the fact they are crying at pick-up because they suddenly realise that you have been missing during the day.

Also remember that they are smart. Smarter than you realise. If you give in too much they will realise they can play the upper hand.

@ penski - try having kids before you make stupid comments like that - you only make yourself look like an idiot and considering how much traffic this site gets there must be a lot of people out there thinking that thought

 

[SiriusB]

If it's possible, have you tried taking her to Nursery? Whilst it may be out of the ordinary for her and confuse/upset her a bit, it may be a welcome change for her.

As has been said though, a lot of it can be the fact that nurseries have rules etc. that the children have to follow, and they don't like that.

My mother is a child minder, and the children love going to see her and be with her all day as she has very relaxed rules and no set curriculum. The problem with nurseries is that they are forced by OFSTED to teach the children, not just let them be children. My mother is governed by OFSTED, but she can be more lax about the teaching them etc.

It's a shame really, as children aren't allowed to be children any more, they are forced into being educated at a young age (not by parents, buy the government forcing the nurseries).

InvG

OFSTED is killing the childminders. My mum and her best friend are both childminders and some of the things they have to do is unbelievable. They have to know so much useless crap and I swear they are trying to get rid of minders and make everyone take their kids to nurseries.

Quite a few times my mum has contemplated giving up as there is so much red tape and bureaucracy involved. Not to mention the uber-PC crap that gets forced on them.

 

[malfunkshun]

All four of mine did this. First few weeks they were great, then they decided that they didnt want to go in. Despite having talked about it with enthusiasm all the way to the door. Dont worry about it (but keep and eye on things just on the off chance that something is amiss while she is there) and do not give in.

 

[InvaderGIR]

OFSTED is killing the childminders. My mum and her best friend are both childminders and some of the things they have to do is unbelievable. They have to know so much useless crap and I swear they are trying to get rid of minders and make everyone take their kids to nurseries.

Quite a few times my mum has contemplated giving up as there is so much red tape and bureaucracy involved. Not to mention the uber-PC crap that gets forced on them.

Yeah, it really is a joke, they want childminders to basically be a small child's school in a home. Sucks to be honest.

InvG

 

[Redwalar]

Same thing happened with my eldest daughter a couple of months back. She went the first couple of weeks and loved it, and then she started to say she didn’t want to go. Best thing is to pass her over to the teachers and leave as soon as possible as she will settle down and get into a routine after a while, it’s a bit upsetting to leave her crying but it’s the best thing for her. My daughter has been going now since January and can’t wait to go. If you make a fuss over it she will keep getting upset, I tried to talk her round by telling her I would take her shopping after or to see her grandparents to take her mind of it and that helped as well.

 

[cheets64]

A woman in the street looked after her grand kids and she could'nt claim some sort of benefit because she was able to look after children, while scum dole people get benefits left right and centre, free house etc.

Makes you wonder.

 

[Morba]

Would your wife be able to spend an hour there in the morning with her to settle her in for a bit ?

horrible idea imo. at the end of the hour the same thing will happen.
unless there is actually anything wrong get the hell out of there and let her get on with her day.
if anybody needs to do anything, its the people who are responsible for her. they should take her in and get her attention asap so that you can leave without fuss.

 

[Begbie]

My daughter has been in nursery for approx 4 weeks now (she is 3) and tbh honest she absoluty loved it, i mean she was always talking about, could not wait to go etc etc. But then last Friday she cried for the first time and said she didn't want to go, but the mrs forced her to (rather than give in). When she took her yesterday she did exactly the same but seemed more distressed than friday. My mrs was worried and decided to speak to the teachers about her over the last week or so and they advised she had been fine with no issues from other kids etc etc. Today my mrs took and told me that she screamed the roof down and had to be phiscially held by the teacher so my mrs could leave (mrs was absoulty devistated with doing this as you can imagine, crying down the phone to me). I cannot understand how she can go from really wanting to go and enjoying nursery to this in such a short time. However last tuesday she did have her MMR preschool booster and after talking to a few people they said that this can cause personality change etc etc, has anybody come across this.

Im not after medical advice, just after general advice if other members have had the same or similr issues with their children.

Many thanks

Had a similar problem with the ex's son, he was about one 1/2, so a bit different.

Only happened when I dropped him off, would scream the place down for ages.

She was friendly with a lot of them in there so wasn't a big issue just gave him a cuddle and let him be, would phone up when I got in and he'd be fine.

Give it a week or so and she'll be fine.

 

[Morba]

OFSTED is killing the childminders. My mum and her best friend are both childminders and some of the things they have to do is unbelievable. They have to know so much useless crap and I swear they are trying to get rid of minders and make everyone take their kids to nurseries.

ah yes, its so wrong that people need to do some training now and need to actually make sure that the kids start to develop some skills other than social.
there are a lot of lazy childminders out there, the new rules that are in place are a good thing.

 

[Morba]

@ penski - try having kids before you make stupid comments like that - you only make yourself look like an idiot and considering how much traffic this site gets there must be a lot of people out there thinking that thought

??? dont see a post by penski

 

[NeedleGunner]

The post above by Slingwagh has reminded me of something I learned whilst living at home.

And that is that children will often cry when they get there, and run to their parents (at the end of the day), but during the day/afternoon that they are there, they love it and play happily and brilliantly.

The fact that the parents only see the child being upset before and after the session can make you think there is something wrong with the place, child etc. when in fact the child is just being a child and would rather be with parents, but is also in fact happy to be in nursery.

InvG

Spot on I'd say

Maybe she's just growing up a little bit too?

With our little lad we just bribed him with a nice day out if he could get through the week without crying when he went to nursery. Worked a treat, he started primary school over a month ago and has been great

Hope you get it sorted.

 

[Fr0dders]

... snip ... great post

just to re-iterate huddys great advice

it sounds like she thinks its going to happen again. Be firm, tell her you love her, and you'll see her after school. then say your quick goodbye and go

if your stressed, she will be. The worse you are, the worse she will be

and keep re-inforcing everytime she doesnt cry, focus on the positives. dont be negative about it, act like nothings happened and she'll get through it

all kids go through stages like this, your not doing something every other parent hasnt had at some point.

 

[camels5]

??? dont see a post by penski

Think they have been removed?

 

[pinkacidbootson]

I remember doing the same thing when I was 3 years old. I don't know why I didn't want to go in...

 

[Sweetloaf]

It's perfectly normal, my son did this for about two weeks, we simply handed him over, said goodbye and left, it sounds harsh and feels horrible but he stopped doing it after about a week, my only concern would be if the nursery didn't seem to know what was going on with her, they see this sort of thing with about 90% of the kids they look after, they should be able to reassure you.

 

[InvaderGIR]

ah yes, its so wrong that people need to do some training now and need to actually make sure that the kids start to develop some skills other than social.
there are a lot of lazy childminders out there, the new rules that are in place are a good thing.

If you want your child to be sent to a place for learning only, send them to a nursery, if you want them to learn in a home environment, and be a child, send them to a childminders. That's my view, but now they are changing it all to strict 'children should be doing xxx' and it's just not on.

But I'm biased, my mother is a child minder and the children she looks after develop at their own pace, and aren't forced.

InvG