Relationships and money

neo202020

neo202020

neo202020

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benktlottie said:
The OP shouldnt have to ask if he wants something. He obviously works hard so is entitled to a present for himself. Isn't he?
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I never said he should "ask", I said he should discuss it with her. That means explaining his feelings to her (he feels like rewarding himself) in a way that makes her understand where he is coming from. They might agree that they both deserve a reward for their hard work and have a budget of X this month for that. After that they can revert to their low-spending plan. It's not really something that you and I can decide for them, but what I am trying to say is that the foundation of any relationship is good communication.

As for whether he is entitled to a present, it's not that clear-cut. If they agreed to take on lots of debts and pay them off as quickly as possible, his "presents" might be undermining their long-term plans. She might be refusing herself the pleasure of rewarding herself with something, so how is she going to feel when she finds out he's done that?

From what I know of women, I seriously doubt she would spend £1000 on something without discussing it with him, so it makes sense for him to do the same.

Edit: See his post for confirmation of the above :)
 

regulus

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Aero said:
Is it your company regulus? What sort of scheme are you involved in am doing my civils master part time atm.
Aero
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No, I'm a permanent subcontractor to a big civils firm. We usually do tunnels and railway. Being a subbie is the way to go. I know people that earns 3k a week and just subcontract.
 

regulus

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regulus said:
I don't "let" her do anything, she is a grown woman and her own person.
I know she won't spent a ton of money on anything without running it past me first.
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To give an example on that. She rung me at work yesterday to check if I'm ok with her spending £35 to buy a jacket. It's very silly, i know, no need to tell me that. I guess she wants to make up for her always saying NO to whatever expensive toy I want.
 

benktlottie

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neo202020 said:
I never said he should "ask", I said he should discuss it with her. That means explaining his feelings to her (he feels like rewarding himself) in a way that makes her understand where he is coming from. They might agree that they both deserve a reward for their hard work and have a budget of X this month for that. After that they can revert to their low-spending plan. It's not really something that you and I can decide for them, but what I am trying to say is that the foundation of any relationship is good communication.

As for whether he is entitled to a present, it's not that clear-cut. If they agreed to take on lots of debts and pay them off as quickly as possible, his "presents" might be undermining their long-term plans. She might be refusing herself the pleasure of rewarding herself with something, so how is she going to feel when she finds out he's done that?

From what I know of women, I seriously doubt she would spend £1000 on something without discussing it with him.
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Perhaps I'm just too Nethandethal for this mordern age living?

If its a big purchase, then of course the wife and I discuss but if its a £200 coat or a £300 processor, provided the bills are payed and a bit for the future is set aside, I' m not gonna sit her down and ask! I work really hard for my cash and I'll be ****** if I'm gonna ask to buy stuff.

If she's refusing herself pleasure then thats her problems. And a one -off £1000 for a PC or £1000 for a TV is not goijng to seriously undermine a long term plan really. It delays them by a week or a month.

I agree communication is key to a relationship, but from what the OP describes, its not an equal relationship, when considering he chucks substantially more into the pot than she does, I personally believe he is entitled to spend a few quid on himself.

Just my 2 cents. ;)
 

benktlottie

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regulus said:
To give an example on that. She rung me at work yesterday to check if I'm ok with her spending £35 to buy a jacket. It's very silly, i know, no need to tell me that. I guess she wants to make up for her always saying NO to whatever expensive toy I want.
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I think you need to hit her a bit more frequently! LOL (thats a joke BTW)

ALthought I hear an orange in a sock is effective for both pain and no visible bruising!!! LOL :)
 

Aero

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They're alright where I work. I need to get a bit more experience behind myself first tbh and I want to get my masters out of the way so i can concentrate on my civils.

Aero
 

neo202020

neo202020

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benktlottie said:
I agree communication is key to a relationship, but from what the OP describes, its not an equal relationship
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I totally agree with you there, but that could be simply because he's letting her dictate the way things are. The way to address that isn't to just do what you want: it's to explain how you feel and agree a way of living both partners are happy with, imho.
 

benktlottie

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neo202020 said:
I totally agree with you there, but that could be simply because he's letting her dictate the way things are. The way to address that isn't to just do what you want: it's to explain how you feel and agree a way of living both partners are happy with, imho.
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imho, the OP has tried this though and it isn't working. To me, the "go buy it anyway" is the next logical step if negioating isn't working?
 

regulus

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I might throw more into the piggy bank than she does, but she does save 90% of her salary, leaving her with very little spending money as well. She takes care of the council tax on top of that. Some weeks I know she only has £30 or so to spend on things she like. She is making big sacrifices every single month, is it really fair that I kick back and buy whatever the hell I want?

*this is her point of view, not mine* :D
 

easyrider

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Be a man and tell her your buying a new PC and TV.

If she doesn't comply then threaten to leave her.

You earn the most and she's getting 4 properties out of you.She knows which way her bread is buttered.

She'll soon come around.
 

benktlottie

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regulus said:
I might throw more into the piggy bank than she does, but she does save 90% of her salary, leaving her with very little spending money as well. She takes care of the council tax on top of that. Some weeks I know she only has £30 or so to spend on things she like. She is making big sacrifices every single month, is it really fair that I kick back and buy whatever the hell I want?

*this is her point of view, not mine* :D
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How can she save 90% of her salary if she's paying her half of the monthly outgoings?

Don't tell me you pay all the bills??? :eek:
 

starfighter

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I agree that you should pay off your debts before any massive silly purchases, but on your kind of money a TV and a computer isn't a big purchase, hell I have the computer in my sig, a 24" monitor and a 40" TV and no house at all because it has been slowly purchased over a long period and it isn't much when you are looking at houses.

You probably don't relise how much womens stuff costs, while she might phone you up on the odd purchase I bet she spends more on make up, shoes and haircuts every few months than the cost of a TV. Also while your cars arn't amazing, they still cost a bit to run I imagine.

Be a man, spend it, she will probably like you being all alpha and if she doesn't she seems obsessed with money so will relise that you spending 1k on gear when you earn 4 a month is peanuts and anyone else equally loaded will spend more even more!
 

regulus

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benktlottie said:
How can she save 90% of her salary if she's paying her half of the monthly outgoings?

Don't tell me you pay all the bills??? :eek:
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Water is included where we live, so I pay the gas and electricity, which is less than the council tax she pays every month. Only thing I pay and she doesn't is her car insurance every month, £49. It's not killing me :)
 
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