My first solo work - constructive criticism welcomed

[Maccy]

Firstly - this is by no means finished. There's lyrics to add, I just need to grow some and sing them and I need to add some percussion, not yet settled on this.

I haven't EQ'd or compressed anything yet, this is just a raw exported copy for you to hear. I'm after advice for the composition side, not 'how it sounds' if that makes sense?!

http://www.hertsmassive.com/music/fire_lines_1.m4a

 

[William]

To me it starts to go wrong at the bridge 3/5 of the way through, after the buildup where you go up the scale and drop it seems to me like the rhythmn guitar and bass are out of time. It may just be because it hasn't been mixed so it sounds muddy. Either way I think it would be good to record that bit again, give it some more impact.

edit:

Oh yeah, write the lyrics and practice singing the song first, no matter how bad your voice is it is better than nothing. If you get lyrics that you really believe you tend to naturally alter the song slightly to fit the lyrics (breaks, pauses, crescendos and such seem to come from nowhere) then you have a better idea of what the whole arrangement will sound like in the back of your mind when you come to record.

 

[Maccy]

It definitely needs to be re-recorded in parts as I don't think I was overly sure of the structure when playing - I blame tiredness

But thanks for the info, suppose jesus.jpg is suitable here!