Associate
- Joined
- 11 Feb 2010
- Posts
- 442
The last embarrassing thing you got caught doing
- Thread starter Clum
- Start date
Man of Honour
nothing as good as the other stories but he goes each summer me and some mates go swimming in this river where you can jump in from this tree anyway im in the river needing to poop my mates are on the bank just laying around, I think if i swim up the river a bit and do my business and they won't know. so after finishing I swim back to my friends and see some girls from my school have come to hang out I shout at them from the river to say hi ones turns around sees me and started to scream "ahhhhhh thats gross!!" I turn around and see my turd is floating behind me my mates start laughing at me.This was a about 2 years ago and I still feel ashamed and embarrassed about it.
So your floater poop followed you back?
Pwned
Associate
Quite embarrassing
Was playing 5-a-side in a tournament, so refs, crowds and all that, and turned up a few minutes late due to all day BBQ as the great weather at the time. Because of the heat thought to myself NO BOXERS and went commando under the footy shorts (black ones).
I came on as a sub about 20 minutes in to the game and promptly had to leave. Must have been something I ate, I can remember having a real belter of a shot at goal and putting every ounce of strength into it and must have somehow released my somewhat still loose intestine down my shorts and inside leg (must have been dodgy chicken or something).
Needless to say I was on the park for approx 2 minutes before having to bolt off to the side and to the changing rooms to remove all offending evidence.
I don't know if it was noticed, I hope to heck not, however extremely embarrassing. lol
Was playing 5-a-side in a tournament, so refs, crowds and all that, and turned up a few minutes late due to all day BBQ as the great weather at the time. Because of the heat thought to myself NO BOXERS and went commando under the footy shorts (black ones).
I came on as a sub about 20 minutes in to the game and promptly had to leave. Must have been something I ate, I can remember having a real belter of a shot at goal and putting every ounce of strength into it and must have somehow released my somewhat still loose intestine down my shorts and inside leg (must have been dodgy chicken or something).
Needless to say I was on the park for approx 2 minutes before having to bolt off to the side and to the changing rooms to remove all offending evidence.
I don't know if it was noticed, I hope to heck not, however extremely embarrassing. lol
was last year about, i was jumping off some rocks foolishly into the sea at some beach in pembroke, soon as I landed my swimming trunks fell down and floated away.
I had to run across the beach, up a lot of steps and across a very awkward concrete parking lot and jump in the car. the worst part was running across the car park, killed my feet and I had everyone on the camp site looking at me.
I had to run across the beach, up a lot of steps and across a very awkward concrete parking lot and jump in the car. the worst part was running across the car park, killed my feet and I had everyone on the camp site looking at me.
Soldato
Alone in a room I did the most stinkiest fart imaginable (it burnt as it came out). About 1 minute after this evil vented from me my manager walks into the room, and she isn't alone she is with visitors.
They didn't stay in the room for very long.
They didn't stay in the room for very long.
Associate
Was flying to India at some super early hour so had a long wait at the airport. Sat on this wooden chair for a good 30 minutes while playing my PSP. Sat up and there was this smell I could only describe as rat vomit mixed with faecal matter. I'd been sitting in this weird brown stain that warmed and moistened under my butt. So I was walking round the airport smelling like a yeti's ***k. Decided to wash it off in disabled toilet, got trousers off, whacked them under the sink then the door starts jostling. I ignore it, then continue drying my trousers, again jostling, trousers still very wet.... been in there about 15 minutes now, they just wont dry. In the end I gave up and walked out as the guy was about to jostle the handle again, was the cleaner who gave me a very dirty stare. Then had to walk around the airport with a wet ass smelling quite bad still. It was an 11 hour flight to India.
Associate
1st -
I was at the GF's (now wifes) house and decided the time had come for my daily release, so I popped to the loo just outside her room. In there for a good 15 minutes dropping the load of my life. So I stand, wipe and step back to admire my work. Being a rather large lump (literally the top was an inch above the water, I checked after I flushed. Nope still there, not even made a dent in it. More paper and a second flush still didnt move it, I started looking around for the toilet brush with no luck. Come up with a genius idea a WIRE coat hanger! So I slowly open the door to see her dad waiting outside on the landing.
Me: "Errrm, not quite finished"
Him: "What???"
Me:"Give me a sec, DO NOT go in there"
I go to the wifes room and ask if she has any wire coat hangers, with out giving a reason. So waht does she do??
"DAAAAD! DO WE HAVE ANY WIRE COAT HANGERS???"
Que huge red face and a massive lol from him! Funny thing was he got me one and I whisked that baby away.
2nd -
Drunk mates in the garden and the parents house. Washing was out - Que me and the other 3 trying on the clothes on the line (mostly my mums for some reason. Spent an hour or so dancing round the garden in womens clothes, lol'ing as we went.
Go in to the loo, Brother shouts down "T - A few of your mates (including girls) knocked 10 mins ago, saw what you were doing and left." Got stick for weeks at college for that.
3rd - My mate
A friend of mine used to share a bedroom with his brother who worked late at a supermarket, his brother was always noisy when he got in but my friend could always lightly sleep through it. They used to share clothes, as you do. One day, after his brother got in from a late shift, got up in the morning and popped on what he thought were clean socks. After they "cracked" when he put his feet in he realised what was happening. His bro was coming in at night, fapping into a sock and then chucking it on the floor. Needless to say they didnt share a room for much longer after that!
4th - not sure who was embarrassed here
My mate got back from hols with his hot GF. So we go to the pub to catch up and he gives me his phone to have a look at the pictures -
hotel->Beach->GF in pool->GF on Balcony->ERECT PENIS->Bar->Beach->GF with erection in mouth->Castle
NOT COOL KEN!!!!!
I was at the GF's (now wifes) house and decided the time had come for my daily release, so I popped to the loo just outside her room. In there for a good 15 minutes dropping the load of my life. So I stand, wipe and step back to admire my work. Being a rather large lump (literally the top was an inch above the water, I checked after I flushed. Nope still there, not even made a dent in it. More paper and a second flush still didnt move it, I started looking around for the toilet brush with no luck. Come up with a genius idea a WIRE coat hanger! So I slowly open the door to see her dad waiting outside on the landing.
Me: "Errrm, not quite finished"
Him: "What???"
Me:"Give me a sec, DO NOT go in there"
I go to the wifes room and ask if she has any wire coat hangers, with out giving a reason. So waht does she do??
"DAAAAD! DO WE HAVE ANY WIRE COAT HANGERS???"
Que huge red face and a massive lol from him! Funny thing was he got me one and I whisked that baby away.
2nd -
Drunk mates in the garden and the parents house. Washing was out - Que me and the other 3 trying on the clothes on the line (mostly my mums for some reason. Spent an hour or so dancing round the garden in womens clothes, lol'ing as we went.
Go in to the loo, Brother shouts down "T - A few of your mates (including girls) knocked 10 mins ago, saw what you were doing and left." Got stick for weeks at college for that.
3rd - My mate
A friend of mine used to share a bedroom with his brother who worked late at a supermarket, his brother was always noisy when he got in but my friend could always lightly sleep through it. They used to share clothes, as you do. One day, after his brother got in from a late shift, got up in the morning and popped on what he thought were clean socks. After they "cracked" when he put his feet in he realised what was happening. His bro was coming in at night, fapping into a sock and then chucking it on the floor. Needless to say they didnt share a room for much longer after that!
4th - not sure who was embarrassed here
My mate got back from hols with his hot GF. So we go to the pub to catch up and he gives me his phone to have a look at the pictures -
hotel->Beach->GF in pool->GF on Balcony->ERECT PENIS->Bar->Beach->GF with erection in mouth->Castle
NOT COOL KEN!!!!!
Associate
- Joined
- 16 Feb 2009
- Posts
- 1,505
A person I know (not a friend I shall add) got caught by his wife in the sitting room, trousers down porn on the television with two lines of coke next to him. She went mental!
Soldato
I think I spewed up in my local on Saturday night...but I really don't know.
The fear has me
The fear has me
That's quite an amusing selective quote.
Sitting having a meal at a pub with a group of people when the conversation turned a bit rude, somebody says 'isn't it (man muck) meant to taste a bit salty?'
I replied 'yeah it does'
everyone just looks at me and i go bright red as they ask how do I know
luckily i got out of it by looking at my girlfriend and saying she had told me, of course making everyone look at her as she turned bright red
I replied 'yeah it does'
everyone just looks at me and i go bright red as they ask how do I know
luckily i got out of it by looking at my girlfriend and saying she had told me, of course making everyone look at her as she turned bright red
But, how did you really know?
Caporegime
Why did she blush? It's sort of a given that most women do it.
I normally point and shout instructions when I'm playing Football Manager, but this tops it for me. I managed to get Everton to the FA Cup final in the first season, easy game as we were playing Hull City (first season). We took an early 2-0 lead and I told them to balance it out (as I had it on Gung-Ho). Half time came and I brought on Piennar for Arteta who then scored an own goal about 4 minutes after he came on, I was fuming and started screaming at my computer screen. They then equalised, I had it and went on a full shout and really vented my anger.
This was when all my mates came in, aswell as their girlfriends..
We actually lost 3-2 in the end, and I nearly started to cry.
This was when all my mates came in, aswell as their girlfriends..
We actually lost 3-2 in the end, and I nearly started to cry.
In the aftermath of a industrial scale party I wake up with the biggest hangover I have ever experienced, with a full goatee and 'tache in permanent marker on my face.
This is perfectly complimented by the swastika on my forehead. (Didn't know about this at the time) I am in a state of undress with two similarly nude girls in bed, the room actually belongs to one of them.
I stand up to get dressed as it is mid-morning and then one of their brothers walked in. I nearly jumped out of the window but he left after giving me the finger.
Unfortunately he then proceeded to send the parents of both girls up to the room while I am still attempting to figure out my boxers. "It's not what it looks like" didn't cut it.... FML
I'm not welcome aroud there anymore.....
This is perfectly complimented by the swastika on my forehead. (Didn't know about this at the time) I am in a state of undress with two similarly nude girls in bed, the room actually belongs to one of them.
I stand up to get dressed as it is mid-morning and then one of their brothers walked in. I nearly jumped out of the window but he left after giving me the finger.
Unfortunately he then proceeded to send the parents of both girls up to the room while I am still attempting to figure out my boxers. "It's not what it looks like" didn't cut it.... FML
I'm not welcome aroud there anymore.....
Associate
On Honeymoon in Africa on a Safari, only been there a day (left the day after the wedding) the wife suggests after dinner we sit out on the decking in front of the chalet for the romantic setting and the sun set.
I decided to try and sneak a fart out that I had been holding for a while and just could not find the time to set it free, must have been a combination of the unfamiliar food and a few beers, but one loud fart later with a lot of follow through I have poo running down my leg and dripping out the leg of my jeans. I say "oh no" in a frightened, timid voice; the wife looks down to see a river of brown flowing between the joints in the decking.
Bit of a red face for me but we're still married...........
I decided to try and sneak a fart out that I had been holding for a while and just could not find the time to set it free, must have been a combination of the unfamiliar food and a few beers, but one loud fart later with a lot of follow through I have poo running down my leg and dripping out the leg of my jeans. I say "oh no" in a frightened, timid voice; the wife looks down to see a river of brown flowing between the joints in the decking.
Bit of a red face for me but we're still married...........
Associate
I was at one of those moroccan restaurants (the ones with the extremely low tables) with a few friends. The waitress serving us was possibly the hottest girl I've ever met, and needless to say my body responded accordingly. By the time we'd finished the meal, I'd had a bit too much to drink, and we were discussing the merits of the waitress in a rather more frank manner than we would normally. At some point during the discussion, I made them aware that my manhood appreciated her just as much as my eyes did. A few minutes later, I got up to pay the bill and smashed my erect penis into the bottom of the table. Cue high pitched scream, everyone staring, and me doubled up in pain with both hands covering my gentleman's area. I remember looking at my friends and seeing the confusion on their face for a few seconds, replaced by hysterical laughter as they realised what I'd done.