George Lucas - Once drunk I'd point out everything he's done wrong with Star Wars, getting louder and increasingly aggressive over time.
Kelly Brook - Mainly for drunken fumbling during those moments when I'm not slurring to Lucas that Han fired first.
Charlie Brooker - For actual conversation.
At some point in between verbally abusing Lucas and drunkenly whispering obscene things to Kelly I'd probably try and climb over the table and attack Charlie while shouting. "Konnie needs a real man, and I'll fight you for her."
The police would probably be involved by the end and I'd definitely be the subject of a few restraining orders, but it'd be a good evening.