Another relationship post

H0ax! · 10 Sep 2011 at 17:57

Hmm... Sounds like you just want someone to say "break up with her". Personally, I'm someone that needs to be 100% sure in a relationship.

Life is too short blah blah blah. People move on, don't spend the next 10+ years plus wasting each others time = D

goldilocks · 10 Sep 2011 at 18:03

Deleted

Efour · 10 Sep 2011 at 18:28

Don't get me wrong she has been great to me since the moment I met her. She is domesticated , loving, caring , faithful , A good cook.

Man alive... Im domesticated, loving caring and i can cook... Marry me ?

LOAM · 10 Sep 2011 at 18:36

Domesticated ? Cows are domesticated.

Move out tbh, don't like the parents questioning what you're doing, don't live under their roof. Rent somewhere, delay the wedding and take it from there.

Creelers · 10 Sep 2011 at 19:10

Domesticated?

HNR1 · 10 Sep 2011 at 20:28

Don't get married to someone you feel like that about, there is always two sides to every story. But that what you have written is very revealing.

Subliminal Aura · 10 Sep 2011 at 20:34

Mp4 said:
She is domesticated , loving, caring , faithful , A good cook.

You don't want to let that get away ... Pretty damn important traits to have 10 years down the road

My wife's cooking has always been good but has recently become amazing !!! Almost blissful to heavenly ! So much so that I'm now wondering what the hell I would do without her :eek:

BRB Going downstairs to munch on that marble cake that she baked

Mp4 · 10 Sep 2011 at 21:03

lol Thanks for the info guy's/girls.

We have had our talk and ive told her that i need my space once a week or more, n that I want to take photos of models etc (she is fine as long as its not nude etc) and that i want her to find a hobby or go to night college to give her more confidence to make new friends and have an interest in something
as most of the time we have nothing to talk about.

I said her mother drives me nuts and that I hate her talking about my spending habits n why they cant tell me face to face.

She wants us to do more together , we did used to go out for a meal almost every weekend but even that's £35+ but may still and try that just somewhere cheaper.

Also want us to start looking at houses/flats now so we can move out after the honeymoon (or if be don't have a honeymoon and just move in after wedding)

Just have to see how it goes I guess but atm everything is still a go.

[FnG]magnolia · 10 Sep 2011 at 22:08

Well, fair play to you. Dealing with issues like adults and actually talking about things? Many GDers should take some hints from you. Hope it works out

unwashed potato! · 10 Sep 2011 at 22:33

your gf sounds fine from the brief post you've made. she sounds caring and loving, maybe a tiny bit controlling but that's not always a bad thing and coming from a very very controlling gf of 6 years who recently broke up with me i can completely understand why they get this way.

you sound like you want something else though and she isn't at the moment exactly what you're looking for. it may take a small break (i stress not a permanent split) to make her realise she needs to start being active again and an overall more interesting person.

Zefan · 10 Sep 2011 at 22:51

Getting involved in a very satisfying/intense relationship can sometimes turn even the greatest people controlling and needy, and can also cause them to lose interest in their previous hobbies/passions including other friendships/socialising.

I am quite bad for it. The more intense the relationship and the faster I dive into it, the more controlling/needy and the less interested in my usual things and friends I become.

Hope all goes well.

[FnG]magnolia · 10 Sep 2011 at 22:59

Zefan - just saw your pic in the post a pic of yourself thread. You should call me, I'd be nice to you. Real nice.

Wait, what?

Temi_D · 10 Sep 2011 at 23:35

Mp4 said:
She is domesticated , loving, caring , faithful , A good cook.

And here I was thinking that's the definition of wife material :confused:

LizardKing · 11 Sep 2011 at 00:19

Living with in-laws is never easy, speaking from experience i can certainly empathise with you as it really does make you feel restricted! Even more so when your not on the same wavelengths.

Living at my in laws had a real negative impact on me and my relationship, the lack of real personal time together and space does more damage than you may realise, it was only because we'd already lived together previously that kept me optimistic during that time.

All i can suggest is don't let the negativity's of living with her parents cloud your judgement towards your relationship

Zefan · 11 Sep 2011 at 00:20

[FnG]magnolia;20041803 said:
Zefan - just saw your pic in the post a pic of yourself thread. You should call me, I'd be nice to you. Real nice.

Wait, what?

I'm not sure whether to feel flattered or scared. A healthy combination of the two will have to do.

peetee · 11 Sep 2011 at 01:05

in a nutshell OP your relationship sounds swear word for poo, you obviously dont respect your partner, norr want to be part of her family. You've slagged her off(and they're very valid and fair points) and the pros you've given her are pathetic without any real backbone or personality... so basically she's always going to be around, say she loves you and cook you food, and pay the bills... sounds like a very tame relationship.

lttlejoe · 11 Sep 2011 at 03:56

I'm sorry OP but when I first read your post I was thinking you were maybe around 20 years of age but you're 30?

No wonder her parents are concerned if you still haven't provided a home for yourself at that age - no disrespect but I'd also be worried if my daughter was about to be married to someone like yourself - they are only concerned about her future happiness and security so you really can't blame them for that.

I'd suggest you sit down pronto with H and discuss your anxieties at the very least - she sounds very much ready to settle down while you're still immature and clearly not ready for the commitment of getting married.

We've heard your side of the story and your complaints about her and her family which may be to some extent valid but, what do you actually bring to the table with regard to your side of the relationship?

You should certainly not feel obligated to marry her and if you're not happy with her as she is or the relationship in general which you are finding too restrictive then fine as you both should be willing partners in the marriage but, at least have the guts to tell her how you feel before you both get in too deep and then if you still can't resolve your differences, let her move on to find someone who will appreciate her attributes as well as her shortcomings.

It certainly doesn't make sense right now to go ahead with the marriage with any serious unresolved differences as it will more than likely end in failure further down the line which wouldn't be good for either of you.