Popping the question...

Soldato
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Well after being together since we were both 17, ten whole years ago it's finally time for me to pop the question. Everything's planned and all being well I should be doing it this Saturday. I haven't bought a ring as I'd much prefer to let her choose one herself, a cop out maybe, but that's something that I dare not get wrong! One thing that's on my mind is should I be asking her fathers permission before hand? I know it's apparently the 'done thing', but I'm wondering how commonplace this is in this day and age.

So I guess quick question, when you propose did you speak to we father before hand, or when you were proposed to was your father asked? Help OCUK!
 
Don
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I did it on her favourite beach in wales, on one knee, even though it was raining HARD!... I had a meal booked and everything after...

Ask before... definitely

Stelly
 
Associate
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I asked the father, it shows respect.
He was thrilled and wished me all the luck in the world.

Really depends on her father and how old fashioned he is.

Also, buy a ring... Make sure you can exchange it if it doesn't suit!
My wife was gobsmacked that i actually went into a jewellers and picked a ring, didn't stop her not wanting it and bringing it back to exchange it for a more expensive one! :(
 
Soldato
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Ask dad for sure + get a cheap cheap ring from argos or something so you can do the whole down on one knee and open a box etc etc make sure you tell her she gets to pick a much nicer one :p
 
Commissario
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I'm going to be doing this in the not too distant future, only issue is that her father is based up in Scotland and I'm 440 miles away!

Good luck OP :)
 
Soldato
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I haven't been proposed to yet but my other half says he plans on asking both my dad and stepdad (he's been married to mum since I was 3 and I've grown up with him as a second dad). Think he's more scared about asking dad than asking me!
 
Soldato
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Buy her a ring in advance, she can always change it. I couldn't even imagine proposing not having a ring to give to her, something she can show all her friends which will make her feel it's all 'signed and sealed' to so speak.

Talk to the father first, with his blessing it means he will respect you came to speak to him beforehand, and it to some degree means he has already accepted you into their family (assuming she is to say yes too ;) )

I'm only 23 and have no idea when I may eventually propose to someone, but I feel the above just goes without saying :p
 
Soldato
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Unless the father hates you there is no down side to talking to him first. Not asking him on the other hand might make it look like you didn't care.

And I'd also buy a ring. She must surely have given enough hints over the last decade about what she likes?
 
Soldato
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Frack off, nosey
Ask her Dad! Even if it's just a token, he'll appreciate it and it's a nice thing to do.

IF you really don't want to buy her a ring, do something else - a haribo ring in a box or something similar, and then tell her that she can go and choose the ring she wants. Alternatively, get her to drop some major hints. Show her a jewellery catalogue & say that someone at work has bought his g/f this ring and she *hates* it. She's bound to say she likes it/hates it and then go through the catalogue telling you what she likes or doesn't like :p
 
Soldato
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Swimming in a lake
I asked her dad. Yes.

We were both 19, so I think there it was a bit of a shock. Knew she would say yes, but ran it by both her parents. Went down for the weekend from uni to buy a ring, and popped in before I came back xD

She wanted to come down with me to see the parents... She wasn't impressed when I basically told her she couldn't... Think she forgave me in the end though xD

kd
 
Soldato
OP
Joined
5 Dec 2003
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4,931
Well that's a fairly resounding response, I'll go and speak to her dad before saturday then. The ring thing, well I'm nervous about, I suppose I should have paid attention to her for the last ten years as everytime she walks past a jewelars she's forever hinting a what she likes, oh well. I'll book Friday off work and go shopping!

At the start of the year we both wrote a list of thugs that we wanted to do this year, like a new years resolution as such. The only one remaining is to go to he seaside, so this Saturday we'll be going to abersoch, always used to go every summer and it's a great place, with a really nice beach. So I was going to pack a picnic and do it there, let's just hope that the weathers not too bad.

Thanks for the advice folks, I'll report back on Sunday :)
 
Joined
1 Oct 2006
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13,852
... while another womans feet are behind your ears

Standard.

@ the OP, got to ask the Dad for sure. I'd say that's fairly vital for forging in-law relations once you're married. Don't want to tick off a potential babysitter. :)

Oh, and get a ring. Personally, I'd say after 10 years you should know what she likes and what she doesn't. For me the ring is an expression of your love for her, and the type of ring in my mind is an understanding of what she would like to wear on her finger. Not wanting to add any pressure, but might be worth checking out her jewellery or subtly talking to a friend of hers to gauge.
 
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