Quite a weird one but can you change your attitude?

[buckeejit]

thanks all, I think my eyes have been open as I had a serious argument with someone last night as I know for a fact that they were talking about me behind my back and that they said a few nasty things.

Some good suggestions etc. in this thread. I have the mentality that if I change my attitude and think before I speak etc. then I'm being fake but I need to knock that on the head or I'll never change.

thanks I'll also give the GP a call to see what they say/think if nothing improves.

 

[Saundie]

Good call. It's amazing what a difference a decent diet and a regular exercise can make to your state of mind. If you loved playing tennis in the past, it would make sense to work towards doing it again; you're much more likely to stick to things you enjoy, after all.

As for "saying it like it is", there's no reason why you have to change that about yourself; you just have to be mindful of how you put those thoughts across. People tend not to respond well to outright criticism, but if you can make it constructive somehow they'll probably be more receptive. Yes, this does sound disingenuous and yes, it sucks that you can't be level with most people... but sadly most people don't like to hear the truth.

Anyway, that's enough pontificating from me for one thread

 

[anything I don't mind]

Yea i went through stages in my life when I had a terrible attitude and it still persists today in some ways. Although it is a lot better than it used to be. When I was going through personal problems due to trauma, I pushed everyone out of my life. Because of this I don't have any friends anymore. I could make effort and resume contact with past friends but I choose not to and I do not have any interest in meeting new people. Something that I am still working on. But I am a lot more friendly than I was during the worst of it. So it is definitely possible to at least change your attitude towards people, even if you still have a problem with relationships and intimacy etc. Start just by being friendly to people who you will never see again, like the person at the shop etc. Even if it is fake, just ask how they are.

 

[Pate]

Good luck, I know the feeling well. the secret is to be more conscious of your self and your actions.

 

[buckeejit]

Thanks all It may be hard to believe but I feel 100 times better for actually talking about this on OCUK this morning. Onwards and upwards

 

[4T5]

Of course you can change I am clear proof of that but the change is not some dramatic wake up in the morning & you're Ok it is much more subtle than that.
It takes time & support & a Lot of concentration, I have the potential to revert back to the ***** I was but I just won't let myself.

 

[Nitefly]

Thanks all It may be hard to believe but I feel 100 times better for actually talking about this on OCUK this morning. Onwards and upwards

Talking about worries or concerns can give a great sense of relief and sometimes help regain perspective.

Best of luck in your quest! \o/

 

[buckeejit]

Best of luck in your quest! \o/

Thanks

 

[mrbios]

Talking about worries or concerns can give a great sense of relief and sometimes help regain perspective.
/

This x1000! Only recently i had some subconscious stress that i didn't realise was having as much of an affect on me as it was, soon as i chatted to the relevant people about it in detail i felt loads better.

 

[Freefaller]

A lot of things could be affecting you. Your job, your health, prospects, worrying about the future etc... the subconscious is a hard item to conquer (if it is even possible to control it). Obviously something has been eating away at you for some time.

Sounds like you need a new path, a new venture, a new chapter in your life - something to kick start you back into being who you are.

It might be worth speaking to an expert who might be able to offer better advice.

 

[fez]

Its good that you are indulging in a bit of introspection as that seems a trait sorely lacking in so many people today. They take the view that "I am what I am" and thats just perfect. Honestly, I have never been that bothered by people, I can take them or leave them as I find other things much more interesting to devote my time to.

I have dropped out of contact with a fair few people as a result but I have never had a problem with being angry or bitter. If I see them again out of the blue its great to catch up but I just don't find individual people that interesting.

The moral of this is that you need to find out the things that you enjoy and focus on them. If you are happy in your life then you will be nice to people as a matter of course and their actions won't directly impact your happiness as much. Looking at things in a negative light is just as easy as looking at things in a positive manner, you just have to take a different attitude.

I sometimes feel like I don't really fit into the accepted mould we are told leads to happiness but I know that I am happy with what I do so I don't feel pressured to change. I sometimes think that a lot of people that are unhappy are that way because they do what they feel they should do rather than what they would like to do.

Basically, if you are not happy and have got to the point where you don't even care to hide it, you need to reassess what makes you happy and what is wrong with your life. Do you feel that you should have achieved more, have a better job, a girlfriend? Pretty much everyone has an inflated opinion of their own talents and worth which can lead to resentment when that "potential" is not recognised for long periods of your life. Just bear in mind, peoples happiness is generally not linked to their earnings or wealth. We are always changing the goalposts for happiness as we achieve our goals that we think are an end point for our unhappiness.

 

[buckeejit]

A lot of things could be affecting you. Your job, your health, prospects, worrying about the future etc... the subconscious is a hard item to conquer (if it is even possible to control it). Obviously something has been eating away at you for some time.

Sounds like you need a new path, a new venture, a new chapter in your life - something to kick start you back into being who you are.

It might be worth speaking to an expert who might be able to offer better advice.

Will do mate, that makes sense. I honestly used to be one of the nicest guys ever but now I'm just angry/rude/nasty 99% of the time.

 

[Freefaller]

At least you've acknowledged an issue , and the key point is that you're trying to change for the better. Good luck and hope you get the support you need.

 

[Old@Heart]

Well, it seems like my attitude over the past 2 years has become really bad. I'm nasty to people and really rude to people most days. I just say that I don't care and I can do/say whatever I feel like. I just have no desire to do anything and it feels as though I have no motivation.

I've lost all (yes, all) of my friends becasue of this.

I don't like the person I've turned into so I was wondering if anyone has been down this road before and managed to turn it around?

Motivation dies easily. If you don't have a goal that is truly compelling, that will pull you towards it (earning a certain amount of money etc), you'll never reach it unless you're ridiculously more disciplined than the average person. Sounds like something Tony Robbins comes off with but it's true.

As for being nice to people. You don't sound like you're happy with the fact you've lost friends. Therefore you're not a nasty person, just being stupid with your interactions with people.

 

[Hyburnate]

Only skimmed through the thread- but are you saying that thing that used to entertain you are now becoming annoying and you don't want to do them? Sounds like mild depression However head over to your gp. Its the best place. Ohh and go out and socialise you'll regret it if you don't

 

[Threepwood]

The trouble with not seeking help and going at it alone is you have zero training in the area. You might miss things that are directly responsible for your change in attitude towards life and other people. You might try and fail, and that could push you into a downward spiral.

Two heads are better than one, esp when one of them has experience. So on that premises it is well worth a visit to your GP.

 

[jakeke]

Depression = benefits win.

He can only do this if he's an immigrant iirc. Only immigrants claim benefits.

 

[Night_mamba]

At least you've acknowledged an issue , and the key point is that you're trying to change for the better. Good luck and hope you get the support you need.

I agree, the fact that you recognise how your attitude has affected your life and others means you must be willing to change somewhat. Being greatful for what you currently have and what others don't may be start. The best of luck to you.

 

[MidnightLamp]

find a form of meditation. research, pay for lessons, etc. do it every day, take time out to reassess everything in your life, work out where you want to be and meditate daily to keep yourself in the right state to make it happen.

 

[Alphane]

Difficult one to comment on really, from what you have said you have managed to get yourself into somewhat of a rut. As other posters have pointed out you seem to describe some of the 'telltale' syptoms of depression, which in itself isn't too much to worry about, a lot of people suffer low points to some degree or other throughout there life.

I'd firstly advice a trip to the doctor might help if

1. You feel you need to
2. Your emotions have become very changable quickly
3. Your lack of motivation is affecting even your ability to enjoy even the most basic forms of entertainment and you are spending a lot time ruminating on your problems.

As to advice a layman could give you regarding 'solving' your problems. My advice would be work out why you have got yourself to this 'place', what is stressing you out, what can you do to relieve that stress? difficult questions to answer without a lot more background into your life.

As to whether I've 'been there' and got over it TBH I've been in far worse positions than you seem to be describing and yes given time and effort on my part I think it's fair to say I have returned to a more 'normal' and generally more likeable version of myself.

Good luck on your journey, remember these things take time, making small positive changes is probably the best way forward.