Internet Dating.....Who Has Done it?!

[TruffleShuffle]

That's where we differ then I'm afraid. If the shoe was on the other foot and I was receiving lots of messages I'd reply to them all telling them why I don't want to initiate a conversation/take it any further. I.e - "Sorry, your profile didn't interest me" or "Sorry I don't find you attractive" or "Sorry, we don't seem to have any common interests" etc it takes all of 30 seconds and they know exactly where they stand and what exactly I didn't like about them.

But anyway it's a moot point for me, as I'm no longer on a dating site. I simply can't be arsed with putting in the effort, as I've said before I'm quite happy being single and staying single.

How can you not see the irony here.

"I'd reply to them all telling them...it takes all of 30 seconds...I'm no longer on a dating site. I simply can't be arsed with putting in the effort"

 

[ljt]

are you? then why do you require critique from all aspects of your life as to where you are going wrong?
surely if your happy in yourself it doesn't matter what others think?

I joined POF out of curiosity; the curiosity to find out if how I think people perceive me is actually how others perceive me in the little part of life referred to as relationships. The results would have no effect on the way I perceive myself, nor would I have altered myself in any shape or form based on the results. It was purely “out of interest”, a social experiment of sorts. The results would either confirm or deny what I thought. That was all I was aiming for.

However this failed as I was getting no feedback what so ever, which is why I cancelled the account. So now I’ve gone back to how I was before, which is having my assumptions that are neither confirmed nor denied. I’ll scratch that up to a failed experiment and carry on life as I did before.

How can you not see the irony here.

"I'd reply to them all telling them...it takes all of 30 seconds...I'm no longer on a dating site. I simply can't be arsed with putting in the effort"

No you missed the point. IF I received the first message I would reply as I mentioned earlier.

What I “couldn’t be arsed with” was putting in the effort of sending well-constructed messages relevant to their profiles, for them to be totally ignored and thus not getting the information I was initially curious about.

If the situation had been different and I was getting the first messages AND I was getting feedback (the information I was initially after) then I would be replying with feedback and I wouldn’t have posted that post

 

[regulus]

I don't think I need to help myself, I'm content as I am thanks

At the risk of having to go back and forth with you (which I won't, going for a run soon)' you've been single for a decade. If it works for you, then great, but I don't think it was by choice.

'Being yourself' is great and you shouldn't change that ever, but different versions of yourself at different times would help you tremendously. Surely you have silly/contemplative/witty/stern/businesslike/friendly/no nonsense sides?

We ALL put our best foot forward in dates or at the start of relationships. There's nothing innately wrong with that. You shouldn't feel like you're changing yourself for a girl as that's not what you're doing. You're showing her the best of you before later introducing her to the worst of you.

Anyway, I remember liking your profile. Chuck it back up and forget about it. You never know who might come nibbling soon.

 

[TruffleShuffle]

Im not suprised that you didn't get any responses if all your messages were just all about yourself as your post suggests.

 

[Richdog]

We ALL put our best foot forward in dates or at the start of relationships. There's nothing innately wrong with that. You shouldn't feel like you're changing yourself for a girl as that's not what you're doing. You're showing her the best of you before later introducing her to the worst of you.

Something my girlfriend loves to regularly remind me of. The man she started out with wasn't quite the same infallible hero a few months later.

 

[Skillmister]

Something my girlfriend loves to regularly remind me of. The man she started out with wasn't quite the same infallible hero a few months later.

It's the only way forward

 

[Gzero]

I was actually referring to replies I'm receiving, ie they are very short and unimaginative. Not whether or not they are interested in replying. I'm not messaging the dolly birds who love their night outs, they can marry their friends if they love them that much...

Sorry just ranting about Social barriers people seem build for no reason.

 

[ljt]

At the risk of having to go back and forth with you (which I won't, going for a run soon)' you've been single for a decade. If it works for you, then great, but I don't think it was by choice.

'Being yourself' is great and you shouldn't change that ever, but different versions of yourself at different times would help you tremendously. Surely you have silly/contemplative/witty/stern/businesslike/friendly/no nonsense sides?

We ALL put our best foot forward in dates or at the start of relationships. There's nothing innately wrong with that. You shouldn't feel like you're changing yourself for a girl as that's not what you're doing. You're showing her the best of you before later introducing her to the worst of you.

Anyway, I remember liking your profile. Chuck it back up and forget about it. You never know who might come nibbling soon.

There is no need to go back and forth. I respect your opinion.

In that decade of being single I haven't actively looked to find a girlfriend. Most of my life I've taken up solitary pursuits. I never really meet many people in my day to day life. My work is solitary for the most part. I may see 1 or 2 people come and go occasionally. On the hobbies side, I normally just go out on my own for walks somewhere to take photos and with star gazing I’m in my own back garden on my own. I’m very used to being on my own now.

Im not suprised that you didn't get any responses if all your messages were just all about yourself as your post suggests.

I'm not seeing what you're seeing in my posts to suggest that, in fact that assumption couldn't be further from the truth.

I'd have a read of their profile, if they mentioned they liked photography I'd ask them questions about that. Such as which type of photography they liked most or if they have taken any good shots lately. If they said they like to travel, I asked where they went last and any particular reason for choosing that destination etc. I barely mentioned myself other than to say that it appears we share a common interest in photography for example.

 

[TruffleShuffle]

What made it sound like you were just asking them things about what they thought of you was this post :

I joined POF out of curiosity; the curiosity to find out if how I think people perceive me is actually how others perceive me in the little part of life referred to as relationships. The results would have no effect on the way I perceive myself, nor would I have altered myself in any shape or form based on the results. It was purely “out of interest”, a social experiment of sorts. The results would either confirm or deny what I thought. That was all I was aiming for.

However this failed as I was getting no feedback what so ever, which is why I cancelled the account. So now I’ve gone back to how I was before, which is having my assumptions that are neither confirmed nor denied. I’ll scratch that up to a failed experiment and carry on life as I did before.

Now this is how i read it:

I joined POF out of curiosity; the curiosity to find out how I think people perceive me. The results would either confirm or deny what I thought. That was all I was aiming for.

However this failed as no one would answer my questions, which is why I cancelled the account.

 

[Janesy B]

Two messages from single mommas today, dunno what that's about.

 

[grudas]

There is no need to go back and forth. I respect your opinion.

In that decade of being single I haven't actively looked to find a girlfriend. Most of my life I've taken up solitary pursuits. I never really meet many people in my day to day life. My work is solitary for the most part. I may see 1 or 2 people come and go occasionally. On the hobbies side, I normally just go out on my own for walks somewhere to take photos and with star gazing I’m in my own back garden on my own. I’m very used to being on my own now.

not once in my life have i looked for a gf, the whole "im looking for a gf" thing is just stupid in my eyes.. yes you can look for new friends etc and this is what i do, and when you get that "click" with a girl its awesome! and this is how i start a relationship, all of my ex girlfriends came from "Friends"

 

[ljt]

What made it sound like you were just asking them things about what they thought of you was this post :



Now this is how i read it:

Oh right no, sorry I wasn't asking them direct questions about me

 

[paradisiac]

well got a date lined up for tomorrow. she is really sweet and has been texting A LOT!! hopefully this one wont go as bad as the last one

 

[Narj]

well got a date lined up for tomorrow. she is really sweet and has been texting A LOT!! hopefully this one wont go as bad as the last one

She wants to cut off your face and wear it as her own. x x x

 

[paradisiac]

She wants to cut off your face and wear it as her own. x x x

I can live with that

 

[paradisiac]

to those that have met people off dating sites. how soon after you got in a relationship with someone, did you remove your account?

 

[stoke1863]

i tried my hand at POF chucked my net no one bothered to replied, the site is full of tarts and chavs.

ive just moved to a new area so dont know anyone hence the reason to try online dating.

Started talking to a nice lass (eventually) arranged a first date. i got a bit drunk but thoroughly enjoyed her company she seemed to laugh a lot and we have been non stop texting.

got a second date planned, wish me luck

 

[paradisiac]

i tried my hand at POF chucked my net no one bothered to replied, the site is full of tarts and chavs.

ive just moved to a new area so dont know anyone hence the reason to try online dating.

Started talking to a nice lass (eventually) arranged a first date. i got a bit drunk but thoroughly enjoyed her company she seemed to laugh a lot and we have been non stop texting.

got a second date planned, wish me luck

that's always good second date is always harder as you talked about everything before, during and after the first date.

 

[rOAdeh]

I've been a long time reader of this post, but having moved to Oz last year, internet dating is something I've been considering just to expand my social circle. FWIW I would say the standard of girls generally in Australia is higher than what I'm used to in London, but after finding my 'perfect girl' here that sadly didn't work out, I've not met anyone of interest since. As a result, I've recently caved and joined the online dating game.

Both POF and OKCupid are fairly big here, along with a third called Oasis, which is profile based but doesn't let you send messages, just a cheesy one liner introduction, which if accepted, adds the user to an IM style client. Strangely, judging by what I've read in the past of the respective sites, It's quite eerie to see how much these sites mirror (i.e. by the types of people that frequent them) those back in the UK;

- POF, I've only recently joined, but have been sent lots of messages in under a week (probably in the order of 30 or so), but the majority are from, to coin an OcUK phrase, swamp donkeys. Not only that, but the vast majority are limited to 'how are you?' or some horrific text speak *******isation of it. As a result, I've only replied to two of them, but haven't met either yet.

- OKC, I've been on here a fair bit longer, and find the standard of girls to be the best of all the sites. All those that messaged me have been literate and have met a couple from there for a few dates but it's not developed from there. I've sent a few messages out with mixed success; definitely notice certain topics do better than others.. surprisingly to my mind, asking people (who explicitly mention going on a trip) about their travel plans rarely seems to illicit a response..?

- Oasis, I'm not such a fan of this site, the standard of girls seems to sit between POF and OKC, but the IM style makes it much harder. For a start, you have to be online at the same time, and then hope that the person has time to talk to you (plus given most sign in from their phone, replies can be pretty slow!). It also means you have to be feeling sufficiently 'energetic' to engage with someone. However, it has been good when someone can spend a reasonable time chatting to you.

It's possibly me, but I think my general complaint with internet dating is that I sense many girls seem to be 'holding out' for their perfect guy. You never really know where you stand with any of them, as there could be 5 other guys in the background that she's also talking to. In fact, I've had the most success with a girl that quit the site (due to getting weird messages) but wanted to stay in contact with me. In some respects, I find that I'm becoming a lot more picky about both looks and personality, and I'm not sure I like it. Having said that, I enjoy talking to new people and haven't had any terrible dates yet. I'm more curious if people often stay in touch with those they've met, even if there isn't a 'spark'? I'm quite open to expanding my social circle, but it seems weird to revert back to friends when you've solely been trying to seduce someone!

tl; dr - Dating sites attract the same people, even in different countries. It's hard to work out how you stand with someone when people are proactively trying to message lots of people simultaneously. Internet dating has made me fussier.

 

[Black Dynamite]

I started reading this thread when it first started and want to post an update

I tried using POF when this thread first started and it went badly, I don't think I got a single reply so I gave up.

I went on one date over the next few years but due to my group of friends and mainly myself, rarely met any different people so I decided to give POF another go. The difference being I went for it, got some decent pictures when I was out and about, spent a long time tweaking and changing my profile and then the messages started coming through. 2 years on, I am living with my girlfriend I met from POF and I couldn't be happier - she's absolutely perfect!

For those that have given up, man up, prepare to get kicked down by not receiving replies but stick at it, if it takes 3 years, surely that's better than being alone? If you aren't receiving replies, don't blame the women its YOU, change your profile, get some decent pictures and try again.

She isn't ignorant, she probably receives 20 - 30 messages a day at least and is only using this as one method to meet other people not the sole method like some on this thread! She isn't going to reply to every single person that messages her if she isn't interested.

I found that at my first attempt I was quiet, shy and had no confidence, this was clear for anyone to see in real life and on POF. I sorted that out by speaking to more people in real life, going out with my mates more, being more social not sitting on my computer thinking this is my only shot. I forced myself to go out of my comfort zone and stand up in social situations, not sit in the corner and be quiet like I used to.

If you've been single for years it isn't everyone else's fault, it's yours! When I realised this and took a long hard look at myself in the mirror that's when, shock horror, I started getting a lot of interest from the females!

It's all about confidence, just look at paradisiac!

Sorry if this is harsh or you don't agree with me on some of my views but if somebody I knew would have told me to change how I viewed myself it would have helped me!