The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread

[Fuzz]

I think the answer is simple here, just break up with your current GF and be done with it. You seem to be putting yourself under pressure for nothing. ?

This... it's clearly not worth it if she's already driving you nuts.

I am pinning my hopes on it being just the mental "illness" that she will pull through.
I've got to try and be there for her at the time she needs me the most, despite the fact she's doing everything in her power to throw it all down the drain.
She's not seeing anyone else at least, she's just gone into self destruct.
Going to be a **** Christmas is all I can say at the moment.

 

[BananaDunka]

What?

I just reread on the monitor and can see how it might sound odd

What I meant is that I eat (always have) a lot of fast food/deserts yet never gain weight. People keep telling me this will change as soon as I'm in my 40s but I don't buy it.

That doesn't mean I should continue to eat them though because I know it's not going to be good in the long run health wise!

 

[JonnyT]

Chin up fellow Cambridge resident!

I broke up with my gf (see previous page). It's a bit ****** that we went from her saying I was marriage material to non contact. But ah well.

Tell you what hurt.. I thought I saw her at a local Tesco and my emotions went into overdrive. Wasn't her though.

Then the other day I got a reminder on my phone to attend a wedding we had both been invited too. I put that reminder in months ago, but it hurt when I saw it on my screen.

Meh.

Thanks Dave. Sorry to hear about your breakup. Totally know where you're coming from with seeing (even a lookalike of) her out and about - total butterflies scenario.

Missed a gig for a really good Cambridge-based artist (Ezio) last weekend as it was something the ex and I had done together the past few years and tbh it would've inevitably stirred up some emotions. Still gutted to miss it though

 

[teaboy5]

I am pinning my hopes on it being just the mental "illness" that she will pull through.
I've got to try and be there for her at the time she needs me the most, despite the fact she's doing everything in her power to throw it all down the drain.
She's not seeing anyone else at least, she's just gone into self destruct.
Going to be a **** Christmas is all I can say at the moment.

You're making it a **** Christmas, just get rid of her and be done with it and move on.

 

[MisChief]

I just reread on the monitor and can see how it might sound odd

What I meant is that I eat (always have) a lot of fast food/deserts yet never gain weight. People keep telling me this will change as soon as I'm in my 40s but I don't buy it.

That doesn't mean I should continue to eat them though because I know it's not going to be good in the long run health wise!

But... What's that got to do with Karen being lactose intolerant?

 

[BananaDunka]

Ahh, that's why I opened the post with

I haven't gotten fully up to speed yet so apologies in advance

 

[Gzero]

You just called her fat.

I fart in your direction, mrk <revenge />

 

[BananaDunka]

No! That's not what I meant at all It has been a long day

 

[mattyprice4004]

I am pinning my hopes on it being just the mental "illness" that she will pull through.
I've got to try and be there for her at the time she needs me the most, despite the fact she's doing everything in her power to throw it all down the drain.
She's not seeing anyone else at least, she's just gone into self destruct.
Going to be a **** Christmas is all I can say at the moment.

Why are you letting a woman ruin Christmas? She'd be in the bin by now!

Saying that, crazy girls are absolutely awesome in the sack.

 

[Gzero]

No! That's not what I meant at all It has been a long day

/hug. :>

Doing lots of overtime this xmas, so I don't have time to mix with friends, woot woot.

 

[BananaDunka]

/hug. :>

Doing lots of overtime this xmas, so I don't have time to mix with friends, woot woot.

On Sunday I'm meeting an old friend for a much needed catchup but also extra opinions on some of the stuff I've been dealing with the past few years, should have done this a long time ago really but never thought much of it until the last few months and the last couple of days with this thrown in as well will have been exactly what I need(ed) to start the new year with a fresh mind and positive outlook...I think

 

[jumpy]

I am pinning my hopes on it being just the mental "illness" that she will pull through.
I've got to try and be there for her at the time she needs me the most, despite the fact she's doing everything in her power to throw it all down the drain.
She's not seeing anyone else at least, she's just gone into self destruct.
Going to be a **** Christmas is all I can say at the moment.

There's no 'pulling through' proper mental illness - after almost 10 years with a girl with a proper mental health condition I can clarify with absolute certainty - it is not going to go away.
True, there will be times when things are better, but these will always be tempered with the dark side lurking around every corner.

If, as you said before, she has been taking proper medication long term in the past, this is something that is not going to go away. There will be times when it is in remission, but it always comes back.

I understand your thoughts about being there for her. I've been there and done that. In my case it made FA difference. The sad truth of mental illness is that you cannot help people to get better.

They have to want it for themselves. You can try and try and try but all it will do is wear yourself out. You know the old adage 'you can lead a horse to water but you cannot make it drink'? apply this in spades to mental health issues.

Most people who are suffering a mental health disorder become very self absorbed to the point of selfishness - part of this is the condition and part of it is the medication.
Either way if you have strong feelings for this woman, you are going to end up feeling hurt, confused and isolated from someone who should be as into you as you are of them.

Best advice I can give to you if you want to keep seeing her is to let her come to you if and when she wants to. Do not make the mistake of chasing after her like a carer with 'benefits' (I didn't put that very well). Do your own thing and focus on that. Enjoy what time is good with her, but keep your head on straight regarding the situation and the reality of what is happening.

 

[Fuzz]

I'm sure this was far too wishy washy and non demanding.
but it's done now so we'll see where it goes.
No more texts from me, no more waiting up for her.
Christ knows what to do with all the Christmas presents mind


Tried to ring her but she dropped the call and then text me to say it's broken.. so she got a..
"Tell Ya what, when you do make up your mind what you want from this relationship, come and see me because I'm sick of wondering what's going on"
bye bye.

 

[[FnG]magnolia]

There's no 'pulling through' proper mental illness - after almost 10 years with a girl with a proper mental health condition I can clarify with absolute certainty - it is not going to go away.
True, there will be times when things are better, but these will always be tempered with the dark side lurking around every corner.

If, as you said before, she has been taking proper medication long term in the past, this is something that is not going to go away. There will be times when it is in remission, but it always comes back.

I understand your thoughts about being there for her. I've been there and done that. In my case it made FA difference. The sad truth of mental illness is that you cannot help people to get better.

They have to want it for themselves. You can try and try and try but all it will do is wear yourself out. You know the old adage 'you can lead a horse to water but you cannot make it drink'? apply this in spades to mental health issues.

Most people who are suffering a mental health disorder become very self absorbed to the point of selfishness - part of this is the condition and part of it is the medication.
Either way if you have strong feelings for this woman, you are going to end up feeling hurt, confused and isolated from someone who should be as into you as you are of them.

Best advice I can give to you if you want to keep seeing her is to let her come to you if and when she wants to. Do not make the mistake of chasing after her like a carer with 'benefits' (I didn't put that very well). Do your own thing and focus on that. Enjoy what time is good with her, but keep your head on straight regarding the situation and the reality of what is happening.

This is a pretty amazing post.

 

[Narj]

Staying with someone because you think you can, in some way, help them is completely the wrong reason for being in a relationship. It wil drive you crazy and make you resentful. A relationship is best maintained on an equal footing IMO.

It's taken me several goes at it to learn this (and has cost me a lot of sanity and money) so do yourself a favour and run for the hills.

 

[Fuzz]

I was staying with her because I saw something in her I liked (call that love if you will) Not giving up on her is part of that..
However it has come to a point where I can take it no longer, so I've said what I've said and I am walking away from it before it breaks me too.

 

[DannyDan]

There's no 'pulling through' proper mental illness - after almost 10 years with a girl with a proper mental health condition I can clarify with absolute certainty - it is not going to go away.
True, there will be times when things are better, but these will always be tempered with the dark side lurking around every corner.

Having had a relationship with a girl for a number years who had mental health problems, I can testify that this is 100% true. I had glimmers of hope that things would get better, but ultimately they never did. Every good moment was followed by a multitude of bad ones in which her life seemed to come crashing down around her, taking mine with it.

 

[knip]

Well done Fuzz, you did the right thing.

Hugs to all the fellow singletons this Christmas, for whatever reason you may be single

 

[Fuzz]

Thanks Knip.
What the hell do I do with all the Christmas presents though.

 

[Narj]

Thanks Knip.
What the hell do I do with all the Christmas presents though.

Got receipts? If you can't exchange/refund, give them to your mum/other relative? Or send them to knip!