The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread

[Dunks]

Maybe, just maybe, she doesn't want to be glued to her phone in a constant text conversation and goes away to do something else instead of texting back immediately?

I donno why people read too much into it! If everything is fine, dates have gone well, just chill and take it easy.

 

[DannyDan]

Thought i'd give this a go to see everyones opinions.

What would you say a reasonable time to text back is?

I don't think I've worried about how long a girl takes to text back since I was about 15

Make sure you leave a while before texting back, even if she responds right away. It makes you more mysterious and gives the impression that you have other things in your life apart from her. After 2 dates you should still be finding out about eachother when you meet up... things will get boring if you've already told your life stories over text.

 

[Defy Belief]

Haha i know, its all going well and is very chilled, it's just cause of how she was before. yeah I never reply straight away, fine for her to wait.

 

[NathWraith]

.

 

[TommyV]

Thought i'd give this a go to see everyones opinions.

What would you say a reasonable time to text back is?

Girl ive been seeing,been out for food, cinema etc been cool, kissed each other on both dates.. She used to reply ridiculously fast, now she takes like an hour or so, but will then reply quickly for about 20 mins then do it again, doesn't sound a lot but feels it after being used to what it was like a week or so ago, mind games!

Also ive played her at the same game as I dont want to seem to keen.

Just be yourself and forget these odd games, if it's meant to work out between you too it'll just click and it'll work out. If she doesn't reciprocate to you texting her back at a pace you want to, then it's not meant to be and there will certainly be other girls out there who are right for you.

Sounds pretty gay, but you get what I mean.

 

[bignev72]

Maybe, just maybe, she doesn't want to be glued to her phone in a constant text conversation and goes away to do something else instead of texting back immediately?

I donno why people read too much into it! If everything is fine, dates have gone well, just chill and take it easy.

Seriously read this.

 

[PardonTheWait]

Thought i'd give this a go to see everyones opinions.

What would you say a reasonable time to text back is?

Girl ive been seeing,been out for food, cinema etc been cool, kissed each other on both dates.. She used to reply ridiculously fast, now she takes like an hour or so, but will then reply quickly for about 20 mins then do it again, doesn't sound a lot but feels it after being used to what it was like a week or so ago, mind games!

Also ive played her at the same game as I dont want to seem to keen.

If you both reply to each other really quick you'll use up all your 'how was your day mine was crap lol' conversation in about twenty minutes and then sit their twiddling your thumbs all night.

If you string it out it will amuse you for longer and you can concentrate better on Xbox inbetween.

That's how I see it anyway. I am personally in the habit of replying when I see the text otherwise I just forget but then I'm a dope.

If I can't reply I don't open the text so it pops up when I do pick my phone up.

Also don't read so much into it. So what if she's doing it on purpose, she's a girl, they do that.

 

[BigRazer93]

Just split up with the other half.

We have been together for over 2 years, and we split up around a month ago, things just went for the worse, I wasn't feeling happy, we had no romance in our relationship and was down to her, and just other things, so I said enough was enough, because I've told her many times before needed to change, but it never!

Couple of days later, I went back with her, mad yes I know! Think it was because I was in a routine, that's all I know as I was doing the same old for 2 years. I didn't keep my self busy, so things where just spinning around in my head. Does that make sense? We promised we would try our hardest to improve things and change things that needed to be changed.

Now I ended it again, I do love her, but the feelings have gone for her, like because we had split and got back together, it didn't feel the same, like we wasn't as close. I felt as if I wasn't bothered on what happened next. So I thought, best thing to do is end it now and for GOOD, so no one else gets hurt and what not.

I think I've done the right thing.

 

[The__Malteser]

You did! Things only get better from here on buddy! Chin up.

 

[DiscoDave]

From my experience once you split with someone it will never be the same when you get back together. Time to move on.

 

[BigRazer93]

Cheers guys! That's my thoughts and feelings too Dave!

 

[Robi]

No contact at all for 5 days now and starting to feel even worse. Never been this long without talking to her.

Obviously I have no idea how she's feeling but I just can't help but think I'm the only one hurting at the moment. I can just picture her carrying on with her life as normal as if nothing ever happened

 

[DevilsAdvocate]

carrying on with her life as normal as if nothing ever happened

I know it's easier to say than do, but this is exactly what you should be doing also. Don't get hung up on what has been, concentrate on making something else happen

 

[Poppikok]

Plenty more fish in the sea!

 

[Robi]

Plenty more fish in the sea!

Yeah but what if I don't want other fish in the sea?

 

[Nuttah]

No contact at all for 5 days now and starting to feel even worse. Never been this long without talking to her.

Obviously I have no idea how she's feeling but I just can't help but think I'm the only one hurting at the moment. I can just picture her carrying on with her life as normal as if nothing ever happened

Hey, it gets easier. I know everyone else has said this, but it really does. I split with my partner of 8 years back in October, and I felt like crap for weeks after - slowly things got better. Things did take a turn for the worse over the christmas period, which was lonely as hell, however, I think I may have got through that now. You will feel better, and you'll probably relapse at some point as well. Things will remind you of her (no matter how hard you try to remove any reminders), however, you will have to deal with this as and when.

Have a cry, write your feelings down on paper, talk to someone, hell, talk to a pet - just don't bottle them up.

With regards to how she is feeling, it doesn't matter. She might feel crap as well, she might feel fine. However, you cannot affect this now and it has no direct effect on you. You need to concentrate on yourself.

 

[krooton]

Yeah but what if I don't want other fish in the sea?

We have all thought that dude, but time really is a healer. In a few months you will be saying the same thing to some other unlucky fella on here.

Chin up, you know all those things unique to her that you miss, well you will meet other women, all with their own little unique things, we all have them, they just only surface in long-term relationships when we let our guards down.

I've had my heart broken twice, both times it took 2-3 months to get my head straight, then another 9-10 months before I got a new gf. The initial period is hard, but it WILL get better. Try and spend as much time with friends as possible, and go and do as many things you wouldn't normally do when in a relationship as you can now. You will meet more people, have loads more adventures, and eventually remember what it is like to be YOU, rather than one half of a couple. Once you have done that, you can start looking at new relationships.

 

[squarepusher]

Been together 4 years and its came to an end last night on the phone.

Most of it has been long distance and for a while we have been trying to arrange to be together in our own place, it has never posed as a problem since I have free rail travel card to see her whenever I could. I stuck with her through so much, when she had no one and no job, I had friends and rang her, went to see her and comfort her.

Now the tables have turned and while I feel I dont have that much (apart from her) she has got a small group of friends to hang and go out with where she is lives, I always wanted her to have something like this as I felt sorry for her, but now she has, she left me in the dump . It is quite the same typical textbook end to most relationships ending tbh.

So many memories, I am finding it really hard but the support on here and other sites really gives me hope that time will heal and for me to get off my backside and make a new start.

I felt we we're perfect together and she is my best friend and I'm hers, she wants to stay friends (long great phone call convos), but till when? till she finds whatever she wants to cut me off off completely? (if she hasn't already) I dont think so, while I love her and find it painful I cannot be used just incase she feels down one day, and as a option as her new found 'glory of going out not having something hanging over me days' doesnt work out. I cant do that .

She has got what she wants and she has it better than I do right now, I can't watch her do everything and hear about it while it eats me up inside. Also the time not talking and not having me in her life might make her see what she has lost, if she is at all bothered, surely its not fair for her to have best of both worlds?

Need to move on with thing to do, keep my mind off, friends, gym and make a start on my career, it is just hard keeping my mind off her, I feel she was the only one.

Blegh, it felt good to type it out, if anyone read it.

 

[DiscoDave]

Been together 4 years and its came to an end last night on the phone.

Most of it has been long distance and for a while we have been trying to arrange to be together in our own place, it has never posed as a problem since I have free rail travel card to see her whenever I could. I stuck with her through so much, when she had no one and no job, I had friends and rang her, went to see her and comfort her.

Now the tables have turned and while I feel I dont have that much (apart from her) she has got a small group of friends to hang and go out with where she is lives, I always wanted her to have something like this as I felt sorry for her, but now she has, she left me in the dump . It is quite the same typical textbook end to most relationships ending tbh.

So many memories, I am finding it really hard but the support on here and other sites really gives me hope that time will heal and for me to get off my backside and make a new start.

I felt we we're perfect together and she is my best friend and I'm hers, she wants to stay friends (long great phone call convos), but till when? till she finds whatever she wants to cut me off off completely? (if she hasn't already) I dont think so, while I love her and find it painful I cannot be used just incase she feels down one day, and as a option as her new found 'glory of going out not having something hanging over me days' doesnt work out. I cant do that .

She has got what she wants and she has it better than I do right now, I can't watch her do everything and hear about it while it eats me up inside. Also the time not talking and not having me in her life might make her see what she has lost, if she is at all bothered, surely its not fair for her to have best of both worlds?

Need to move on with thing to do, keep my mind off, friends, gym and make a start on my career, it is just hard keeping my mind off her, I feel she was the only one.

Blegh, it felt good to type it out, if anyone read it.

It's good to get things off your chest. In my opinion just cut all ties, I've never seen staying friends with an ex do anyone good. You have the right attitude though, focus your energy on other things, especially those that make you happy. You will think less and less of her as time goes on and it will stop hurting, you will find someone else and eventually that former relationship will be nothing but a distant memory as you create new ones with someone new.

Look on the bright side - It's not like you're going to bump into her in the street due to the distance. This will help massively.

Yeah but what if I don't want other fish in the sea?

Of course you feel like that now, but you will meet someone else at some point, someone better.

Keep your chin up lads.

 

[banja]

snip

Well when you can play bass guitar as well and write songs as good as you can you've nowt to worry about