What happened to me today.

Soldato
Joined
5 Sep 2009
Posts
2,584
Location
God's own country
I have two dogs and I was buying a large bag of Winalot in Tesco and was standing in the queue at the till.

A woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Winalot Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and the way that it works is to load your trouser pockets with Winalot nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry and that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in the queue was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a guy who was behind her.

Horrified, she asked if I'd ended up in the hospital in that condition because I had been poisoned. I told her no, it was because I'd been sitting in the road licking my balls and a car hit me.

I thought one guy was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard as he staggered out the door.

Stupid mare..........why else would I buy dog food?
 
Soldato
Joined
20 Oct 2004
Posts
13,059
Location
Nottingham
To add to this tale, chap at work has taken up professional snail racing (don't ask!), he's got a big race coming up at the weekend and is desperate to eek out every last ounce of speed from his snails, he wondered if removing their shells might help but I though this would make them more sluggish?.
 
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