Keeping the relationship... a relationship

Psy-Blade · 10 Mar 2014 at 08:52

Hey guys,

I'm in a bit of a pickle here and it seems to be all down to being the nice guy. I'm not going to pour out feelings or want someone to hug me here, I'd just like some advice on going forward.

Short story, girlfriend (just over 1 year) thinks we may just be becoming friends. Now the relationship started passionately, very much so in-fact. Obviously that's waned off somewhat but... what do I do to stop being 'the friend'. She doesn't want to go as far as to end it, I've prodded her for that, because she couldn't imagine not seeing me, or imagine me with another lady.

I've already made a conscious decision not to see her as often (5 days a week at the moment

), spice up the sex again, and to get out a bit more. But is there anything else you guys can advise? Throw anything my way

Carl

Illusion · 10 Mar 2014 at 08:53

Lots of passionate sex

Psy-Blade · 10 Mar 2014 at 08:54

This is definitely on the cards this month. Eyeing up a few things to purchase

.

krooton · 10 Mar 2014 at 08:55

I wouldn't call seeing your gf 5 days a week excessive if you have been together a year, but how soon in to the relationship did that kind of frequency peak?

Do you guys share the same social circles, or do you get to spend time apart when seeing friends?

Do you have your own hobbies interests, as well as joint ones?

Early relationship saturation is sadly a very real thing.

Monkeynut · 10 Mar 2014 at 08:58

Illusion said:
Lots of passionate sex

Or, to put it another way, sling one up her.

Psy-Blade · 10 Mar 2014 at 08:59

krooton said:
I wouldn't call seeing your gf 5 days a week excessive if you have been together a year, but how soon in to the relationship did that kind of frequency peak?

Do you guys share the same social circles, or do you get to spend time apart when seeing friends?

Do you have your own hobbies interests, as well as joint ones?

Early relationship saturation is sadly a very real thing.

It's always been like that to be honest, from the second month or so it was constantly seeing each other.

We work together at the moment, but this is changing in about 2 weeks. Our social circles our separate but I haven't spent as much time in mine since we got together.

Again, my own hobbies I haven't paid much attention to and these last two things I plan to change. I need to get back to climbing regularly!

Theophany · 10 Mar 2014 at 09:00

Psy-Blade said:
This is definitely on the cards this month. Eyeing up a few things to purchase .

Dear GD I'm buying a load of completely perverted sex devices so that my gf sees me less as a friend and more of a demented sexual deviant.

e: thread has tremendous potential.

MikeTheNative · 10 Mar 2014 at 09:04

Psy-Blade said:
This is definitely on the cards this month. Eyeing up a few things to purchase .

Look forward to seeing them in the Images of Items I have bought thread.

Psy-Blade · 10 Mar 2014 at 09:04

Theophany said:
Dear GD I'm buying a load of completely perverted sex devices so that my gf sees me less as a friend and more of a demented sexual deviant.

e: thread has tremendous potential.

I tried to keep that part of this post subtle, it was the likes of GD that bought it forward!

pooley · 10 Mar 2014 at 09:04

Trouble here is you are not the alpha male this woman obviously wants and needs

Psy-Blade · 10 Mar 2014 at 09:07

pooley said:
Trouble here is you are not the alpha male this woman obviously wants and needs

Exactly what I realised this morning. But you know what, I am... in every other aspect of my life, and in fact I was when we were just dating. I can see the difference in me, and I've realised I'm being a douche now.

£10 I'll be a lot happier too!

darael · 10 Mar 2014 at 09:20

Play new games with her, such as the "balls on the chin" game.

krooton · 10 Mar 2014 at 09:20

Psy-Blade said:
It's always been like that to be honest, from the second month or so it was constantly seeing each other.

We work together at the moment, but this is changing in about 2 weeks. Our social circles our separate but I haven't spent as much time in mine since we got together.

Again, my own hobbies I haven't paid much attention to and these last two things I plan to change. I need to get back to climbing regularly!

Yeah, looks like mucho saturation.

So much time spent together, including work, and you neglecting your own social circles and hobbies are all classic causes and symptoms. Speaking from experience, as I have done the same with my earlier relationships.

Women seem to burn out of relationships very quickly if they go this way, eventually feeling 'smothered' and 'needing space'.

The need to miss you. If you are always there, you become dependable too soon, and that then delayed-friendzones you.

Random Guy · 10 Mar 2014 at 09:30

OP, cut her out of your day-to-day. For a few weeks just minimise your interactions. You will appreciate each other more and you will appreciate yourself more. If it still doesn't work after that, start preparing for your next conquest. IMO.

LordSplodge · 10 Mar 2014 at 09:30

A year and she's cooling off? Now whilst any relationship needs work to stay healthy (probably why a lot of marriages fail) after a year you should still be all over each other.

How you going to cope with decades together? I'm going to presume that you're both young.

Psy-Blade · 10 Mar 2014 at 09:32

krooton said:
Yeah, looks like mucho saturation.

So much time spent together, including work, and you neglecting your own social circles and hobbies are all classic causes and symptoms. Speaking from experience, as I have done the same with my earlier relationships.

Women seem to burn out of relationships very quickly if they go this way, eventually feeling 'smothered' and 'needing space'.

The need to miss you. If you are always there, you become dependable too soon, and that then delayed-friendzones you.

And what's your experiencing of 'backing-out' of that situation?

I mean, I still have my circle of friends and my hobbies. I just need to get back to going out regularly. I've got a few weekends coming up where there's some 'guy stuff' going on so the timings good to make a break towards 'being away'.

Cosimo · 10 Mar 2014 at 09:37

MikeTheNative said:
Look forward to seeing them in the Images of Items I have bought thread.

Followed by a my girlfriend can't take this any more thread, what am I doing wrong....

Psy-Blade · 10 Mar 2014 at 09:39

Random Guy said:
OP, cut her out of your day-to-day. For a few weeks just minimise your interactions. You will appreciate each other more and you will appreciate yourself more. If it still doesn't work after that, start preparing for your next conquest. IMO.

Thanks. As she's leaving work in a week or two, this will be a lot easier. Like I mentioned above I've got quite a few plans this month. A few outings with the guys and a few random events with old friends.

ci_newman · 10 Mar 2014 at 09:39

I think you're already on the right track to keeping things going, you're buying things to keep the sex life healthy and in a few weeks you won't be working together.

You need time apart to actually miss one another company. If you're in each others pockets all day then that doesn't have time to happen.

Allnamestaken · 10 Mar 2014 at 09:40

Sex in public places