Keeping the relationship... a relationship

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Psy-Blade

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Cosimo said:
Followed by a my girlfriend can't take this any more thread, what am I doing wrong....
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Haha :D. I'm going to buy all the things!

But really, I'm not going to go out and get anything that's out of character, she's definitely not vanilla. I know what she likes and I'll push that boundary slightly, but I'm aware of not completely breaking it.
 

p1RATE

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Move on. If its like this now it will only get worse or re-occur later in the relationship.

I had a similar thing with my ex, i lost all sexual attraction to her and we were just great friends. I didnt want to hurt her and it took years to remove myself from that relationship.

Dont force something that isn't natural imo
 

[FnG]magnolia

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She's already decided that she wants to be friends and nothing more but needs you as an emotional tampon until she meets someone else who will make her feel like you once did.

Rip the band aid off.
 

benjii

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LordSplodge said:
A year and she's cooling off? Now whilst any relationship needs work to stay healthy (probably why a lot of marriages fail) after a year you should still be all over each other.

How you going to cope with decades together? I'm going to presume that you're both young.
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Completely agree.

While the initial 'honeymoon period' will always wear off, if it's a happy and healthy relationship you should both be content. I speak from experience as my first proper relationship when I was 19 was like that, we started to get a bit rocky towards a year and then we spiced it up with distractions and lasted another year, but we just ended up at square one again. It was only after we split (painfully) that I could see how unhealthy it was and how we were only compensating for the flaws in our relationship.
 

LordSplodge

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benjii said:
Completely agree.

While the initial 'honeymoon period' will always wear off.
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Yeah but when it cools off it should cool off into a stable, loving relationship that can last the term.

I've been married for a long, long time and we still love and fancy each other. Those years have, obviously, taken work but at no point has either me or the wife said "I think we're becoming more like friends"

Certainly not after as little as a year.
 

Jonnybmac

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how can someone say i think were just becomming friends?

isnt that the whole point of a relationship? to become your FRIEND?

im sorry but that doesnt work. you cant be in a relationship with someone, then downgrade to becomming friends... it just doesnt work as one has feeling the other doesnt.

tell her straight that there will be no friends, if thats her wish then she'll never see you again.

breaks dont work either. best thing to do in your position is leave it abit. do you live in each others pockets by means that you are constantly texting each other? dont text her back straight away if so, leave her to dwell on waiting for a reply back from you.. that will keep her thinking about you

treating them mean really does keep them keen. nice guys dont work, and ive been in that position so many times. you gotta play the games to keep them intrested and fun
 

Psy-Blade

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Thanks for the advice.

I agree that the honeymoon period will always end, and to be honest, we do still find each other sexually attractive, it's not like we've stopped having sex. For the most part , having less sex is probably down to her feeling less confident with herself (relationship contentness + food!). If I thought there was no attraction or lust left, I'd be a lot more tempted to call it.

I'll heed the advice of most here and let her cool off, lots on for me, so I'll back off just being around all the time. With the break in work coming it'll be a big change for both of us so that will shake things up.

Question is whether to do it suddenly, as an obvious knee jerk reaction, or over the next month or so and then keep it that way.
 
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Psy-Blade

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p1RATE said:
Move on. If its like this now it will only get worse or re-occur later in the relationship.

I had a similar thing with my ex, i lost all sexual attraction to her and we were just great friends. I didnt want to hurt her and it took years to remove myself from that relationship.

Dont force something that isn't natural imo
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I prodded her for if she still 'fancied' me, and she said she honestly does. So maybe we're not that far along yet. It's just the routine of seeing her and doing the same things that's doing it I think.
 

NoNameNoNumber

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OK I'll add something here as I have a friend who I think is in a similar situation...

They've been together just over a year but he miss's spending time with his mates, they got into a routine of spending every spare minute and ditching their friends and hobbies just to sit and snuggle all night watching junk on tele. He's finally cracked and has told her he needs space and doesn't want them to be so dependant on each other.

Since they've been spending less time together ie. only meeting up to have dinner out or actually have something planned like lots of mini dates, they're all smitten again and it's put things right :)
 
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