Poll: As a third party, is it okay to cheat?

[cheesyboy]

The question asks whether it is OK, not whether they should do it or not or whether it would be betraying B - who they may not even know.

It's morally reprehensible, making it wrong however you paint it No-one is saying C is worse than A if something happens, but they are not absolved of any wrongdoing.

Perhaps I wasn't clear.

I was basically saying that, from my point of view, it's not a moral issue on C's head. They aren't wrecking the relationship: they're a symptom not the cause.

 

[Gilly]

Perhaps I wasn't clear.

I was basically saying that, from my point of view, it's not a moral issue on C's head. They aren't wrecking the relationship: they're a symptom not the cause.

Well, that's when you start getting into a blame game and justifying an indefensible position. The cause of the cheating is the relationship between A and C. A is more culpable but as I said it doesn't absolve C by any stretch.

 

[phonemonkey]

Who instigated things between person A and C? If it's person C then I think they are in the wrong, trying to get someone you know is in a relationship into bed is a big no no in my book

If person A came on to person C then I don't see that person C is to blame. Person A and B are responsible for maintaining their own monogamy, why should person C be even partly responsible for maintaining the monogamy in a relationship where at least one party doesn't seem to value it?

The other thing to consider is do I, as person C , know person B? If so then out of respect for my friendship with them, I wouldn't go there.

At the end of the he day though, we're all going to have different answers based on our own moral compass and experience. Who am I to assume I have the only right answer, and thus all others are wrong? The above is what I believe to be morally right, what would allow me to sleep soundly at night. Others will have other opinions, so long as they can live with themselves it is not for me to judge them.

 

[Tuppy_Glossop]

If person C is blind and deaf it's fine.

 

[cheesyboy]

Well, that's when you start getting into a blame game and justifying an indefensible position. The cause of the cheating is the relationship between A and C. A is more culpable but as I said it doesn't absolve C by any stretch.

The cause of the cheating is a bit of a fluffy debate - the relationship between A and C is the cheating, it's not the cause of itself.

The root problem in the relationship between A and B is why cheating is able to happen. That could be an actual relationship issue, or it could be an issue with the individual A - either way, that problem is within the A & B world. C is simply a conduit for expressing that problem.

 

[oulton]

I wouldn't do it, turned down many a shag like that when I was single. A close mates girlfriend (now wife) tried it on with me when he was out in the middle of the day once. I didn't tell him about it though.

We're not mates any more though.

 

[Gilly]

I wouldn't do it, turned down many a shag like that when I was single. A close mates girlfriend (now wife) tried it on with me when he was out in the middle of the day once. I didn't tell him about it though.

Without wanting to dilute the OP I had a similar encounter with my ex's friend's sister. I got on with her fella even though he was a bit strange, but we were all at a do once (I think it was a 21st birthday for some rich twins they knew) and she wanted me to go upstairs with her. She was a real goer and was seriously up for it. I turned her down but did rat on her for it; the entire group fell out with me for lying to them.

Came out a couple of years later that she was a **** and was hopping all over town. The sister still has a problem with me though stuck up cow.

 

[Tom0]

Who wants to be "that guy"? Plenty of pasty in the bakers.

 

[Roar87]

I wouldn't do it, turned down many a shag like that when I was single. A close mates girlfriend (now wife) tried it on with me when he was out in the middle of the day once. I didn't tell him about it though.

Obviously there's a difference between a mate and a random stranger. I don't owe random guys anything, if their girlfriend is willing to cheat then that's their problem. I'm in a relationship and I expect my girlfriend to be loyal, I don't expect anything of other guys

 

[Ascendancy]

Person A is the one in the wrong. If A doesn't sleep with C she'd just go sleep with someone else anyway. Cheaters gunna cheat.

Saying that, if you're aware of the relationship it's probably not a good idea, as it leads you open to poo through your letterbox from person B when they find out.

 

[IvanDobskey]

Cheating is bad however you try to paint it.

 

[glenimp617]

Every answer should be pancake, not enough info to go on

What if A, B and C all agree?

Nobody ever heard of a fetish where a man wants to see his wife doing the business with another guy. I mean I certainly don't, but I know some people do

 

[Roar87]

Cheating is bad however you try to paint it.

It's not an ideal situation but men compete with other men for women, it's quite normal

 

[cheesyboy]

Cheating is bad however you try to paint it.

Person C isn't cheating though.

 

[MichaelAwkward]

Person C isn't cheating though.

No, but they're allowing/enabling Person A to cheat. I guess that's fine if Person C doesn't have a conscience.

 

[oulton]

Without wanting to dilute the OP I had a similar encounter with my ex's friend's sister. I got on with her fella even though he was a bit strange, but we were all at a do once (I think it was a 21st birthday for some rich twins they knew) and she wanted me to go upstairs with her. She was a real goer and was seriously up for it. I turned her down but did rat on her for it; the entire group fell out with me for lying to them.

Came out a couple of years later that she was a **** and was hopping all over town. The sister still has a problem with me though stuck up cow.

It's funny how you often cop a load for doing the right thing.

 

[oulton]

Obviously there's a difference between a mate and a random stranger. I don't owe random guys anything, if their girlfriend is willing to cheat then that's their problem. I'm in a relationship and I expect my girlfriend to be loyal, I don't expect anything of other guys

I dunno though, I would seriously be wanting to double bag in that case as she would probably be getting it from all angles. And I don't like bagging up at all, so it would still be a no from me

 

[Burnsy2023]

Unless C is in some position of trust with B (i.e. being their friend or family), then they don't owe them anything.

It's up to A to make the decision on the sanctity of their relationship with B. It's not C's issue.

I would say it would be common decency and respect not to facilitate emotional trauma to another person, regardless of whether they are known to them or not.

 

[Deleted member 651465]

Morally wrong. Avoid.

Regardless if you knew that they were OK with it, would you really want to be involved in such a relationship? I'd think it would begin to mess with your head if you got attached on an emotional level.

 

[glenimp617]

I do actually know of a woman who cheated on her husband with a bloke from work

The wife became ill and the husband basically treated her so badly she wanted out. The relationship was almost at breaking point.

She cheated, the relationship broke down, got divorced and married the other guy. The now ex-husband got out of the relationship he didn't want, she got out and married the man of her dreams, everyone was happy. She now has two children, something the first husband didn't want.

The three of them are now friends

Thoughts?