The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread

Soldato
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She wants to be single but hasn't ended up with anyone to have fun with during that period.

Shes using you mate.

She's actually testing to see if the guy has developed some balls yet. How pathetic would you have to be to agree to let a girl move in with you who isn't even your girlfriend and who you haven't even decided whether you'd want her back or not. She's actually that tenacious she's assuming the guy would want her back. The best thing to do would be to tell her you're going to need some time on your own to decide whether she's what you want in a partner, let her sweat and do a bit of chasing and then get the power in the relationship.
 
Caporegime
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She's actually testing to see if the guy has developed some balls yet. How pathetic would you have to be to agree to let a girl move in with you who isn't even your girlfriend and who you haven't even decided whether you'd want her back or not. She's actually that tenacious she's assuming the guy would want her back. The best thing to do would be to tell her you're going to need some time on your own to decide whether she's what you want in a partner, let her sweat and do a bit of chasing and then get the power in the relationship.

Personally I wouldn't want to be with someone who is playing such games. I'd make her sweat but have no intention of obtaining a relationship.
But then I hate games and having to assume a role
 
Soldato
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Personally I wouldn't want to be with someone who is playing such games. I'd make her sweat but have no intention of obtaining a relationship.
But then I hate games and having to assume a role

Most relationships are constant power struggles. You're either the man of the relationship, making decisions and generally being the leader, or you're the subordinate of the relationship, at which point women tend to lose respect for you, walk all over you, and the relationship crumbles and/or she cheats on you. That's just life and how attraction works. Men are attracted to femine women, women are attracted to masculine men; part of being a man is leading
 
Soldato
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I would be kicking her to the curb, since we have separated I have made a promise to myself to not be a doormat. and I definitely don't do games.

I agree though if she wanted to get back together she wouldn't need to wait until after Christmas to work thing out, she just said Christmas is this Friday so anytime after that. what kind of BS is that.


Block, unfriend and move on fella, you shouldn't have to listen to her bull**** any longer.
It's all excuses and games. No one needs that stress.
A nice clean slate for 2016 would feel good wouldn't it?
 
Caporegime
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Most relationships are constant power struggles. You're either the man of the relationship, making decisions and generally being the leader, or you're the subordinate of the relationship, at which point women tend to lose respect for you, walk all over you, and the relationship crumbles and/or she cheats on you. That's just life and how attraction works. Men are attracted to femine women, women are attracted to masculine men; part of being a man is leading

Hopefully not universal else I have no chance of maintaining a relationship
Def should have been born a woman
 
Soldato
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I just don't get her, why does she Want to move back in but wants to be single for now? She wants to talk next week
Being single now means she can go out and party over Xmas/New Year and have no guilt about being railed by any guy that takes her fancy. She then wants to move back in with you (I'm guessing not whilst your at your parents) so that should she meet that oh so special someone in the mean time, she doesn't have to say "come back to mine, but keep the noise down so we don't wake my parents". Instead she can say she lives with a friend, which will sound better to any potential suitors.

Sorry to be blunt, but that's how I see it.
 
Soldato
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She's been single since November so this is nothing new btw, I just asked whether we are still single or together based on the fact she wants to move in, she said "still single for now until we sit down and sort everything out".

I am abit old fashioned you either together or your not, the whole Christmas thing has nothing to do with it, but she wants to get Christmas out of the way.

I am guessing so it doesn't spoil Christmas, she's not really into going out and pulling guys but then I don't know if she has someone on the side.

TBH I have not really asked her if she's been dating as it's none of my business but then I would want to know what I am getting into before making any commitment.
 
Associate
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She's been single since November so this is nothing new btw, I just asked whether we are still single or together based on the fact she wants to move in, she said "still single for now until we sit down and sort everything out".

I am abit old fashioned you either together or your not, the whole Christmas thing has nothing to do with it, but she wants to get Christmas out of the way.

I am guessing so it doesn't spoil Christmas, she's not really into going out and pulling guys but then I don't know if she has someone on the side.

TBH I have not really asked her if she's been dating as it's none of my business but then I would want to know what I am getting into before making any commitment.

It's obvious she's just messing you about. Why are you still playing her games?
 
Soldato
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Hopefully not universal else I have no chance of maintaining a relationship
Def should have been born a woman

Why? It's easy being a man. Just take charge of things and make the decisions based on what you think's the best for the relationship. Leave decisions up to women and you end up doing what they want all the time
 
Soldato
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TBH I have not really asked her if she's been dating as it's none of my business but then I would want to know what I am getting into before making any commitment.

She just wants a place to live with a flatmate she can get money out of. I guarantee you, she'll be going out and bringing guys home, then telling you she never promised that you'd be getting back together.

Either you'll leave and have to find a new place (in which case she's got herself a place to live), or she'll leave to move in with the next guy who she thinks is a better prospect.

The fact is that she wants to split with you and have her freedom, but the practicalities are that it's easier for her if she moves back in with you for a while. She doesn't care how it affects your life or feelings, it's just better for her. She's still looking towards that freedom and single life, and sooner or later she'll leave again.

Look at it this way. If this was a woman that you didn't know, and hadn't dated, would you be getting a flat together on the basis that you might or might not be in a relationship with her? It's ridiculous.

At best, you could both start again as single people dating, each living separately. to see if you can rebuild, but I think you know that all the trust has gone, and she can't be relied upon, and doesn't really care that much for you except as her security blanket.

Cut ties, move on. She's already done it, but doesn't have the guts to truly let go because she's scared of life on her own. Do yourself a favour and find someone else who actually wants to be with you. They you'll look upon all the things your ex said to you in a completely different light.
 
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Caporegime
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Why? It's easy being a man. Just take charge of things and make the decisions based on what you think's the best for the relationship. Leave decisions up to women and you end up doing what they want all the time

It's a fundamental change in my personality, I have a very female brain when it comes to relationships

Over think
Like dependency
Aim to please
Dislike conflict

It would take serious effort all the time to be a dominant type. Main problem is wanting to please + over think - makes decisions difficult

Of course I suggest ideas etc, but if I get resistance/moodiness from it I take it badly and think about it for next time. . As I'll try anything and generally am very inquisitive

Yep, very much I take the girl role, but I know you're right (for most cases)
 
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Soldato
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It's a fundamental change in my personality, I have a very female brain when it comes to relationships

Over think
Like dependency
Aim to please
Dislike conflict

It would take serious effort all the time to be a dominant type. Main problem is wanting to please + over think - makes decisions difficult

Of course I suggest ideas etc, but if I get resistance/moodiness from it I take it badly and think about it for next time. . As I'll try anything and generally am very inquisitive

Yep, very much I take the girl role, but I know you're right (for most cases)

Women aren't ever going to be attracted to a Feminine Man in the same way you aren't going to be attracted to a Masculine Woman so you might want to work on that if you want successful relationships in the future. It is purely a state of mind thing though and something you can improve
 
Caporegime
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Women aren't ever going to be attracted to a Feminine Man in the same way you aren't going to be attracted to a Masculine Woman so you might want to work on that if you want successful relationships in the future. It is purely a state of mind thing though and something you can improve

Kind of think you're right on the what woman want bit

But I suspect I'd have more luck convincing myself I don't want a relationship than changing my personality. I suspect it would be masking my personality anyway.. And you can't wear a mask forever!
 
Soldato
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Hmmm lots of alpha male sentiment in the last posts .... Is the modern woman really wanting to know her place and let the man do the "leading" ????

Should relationships be more about finding an equal partner ???
 
Associate
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Women aren't ever going to be attracted to a Feminine Man in the same way you aren't going to be attracted to a Masculine Woman so you might want to work on that if you want successful relationships in the future. It is purely a state of mind thing though and something you can improve

my other half always says how much of a woman I am. :(
guess I need to split up with my future wife then (been together since 2007) ;)
 
Soldato
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When there's two of you together, there's no "man jobs" or "woman jobs", there's just "life jobs" and whoever wants to or has the time to do them, does them. You may take traditional roles, you may not, what's important is the balance between the two, that you both contribute the to relationship, and make the effort for each other and the life you live together. Doesn't matter what roles you play or what you do, as long as you make it work.
 
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