Caporegime
But the OP lives in the Midlands.
Oh wait... you mean cities outside the UK. Yeah, now it makes sense.
*Looks at location* Oh, nevermind
Yeah, it's a tough gig down here.
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Worried about my brother and money
- Thread starter IvanDobskey
- Start date
But the OP lives in the Midlands.
Oh wait... you mean cities outside the UK. Yeah, now it makes sense.
Yeah, it's a tough gig down here.
Well you see, I haven't stepped in
I am just concerned and wanted to see what people thought about the situation.
Those are my thoughts, then.
Perhaps the mother is just being polite to OP, and that she doesn't really mind him being there anyway.
I'd like to think that I could rely on living with my parents at any age, given the desire/need. Older children living with parents is really not unheard of these days.
Besides, 10 city breaks a year?! That included with the long hours he supposedly does, I doubt the brother is at home much anyway!
What do you want him to do? Save for a house so he can bored and post on computer forums?
Associate
I would sort this sooner rather than later, as when you parents sadly pass away, he will be impossible to remove from the house and things will just become more unpleasant.
Even worse, if your parents become ill in old age then he will either have to care for them in the home; OR they will go into some kind of state/or private care, which will likely require sale of their house; OR they end up living with you in your house. He will prefer the last option, no doubt.
Don;t let him get away with it.
Also, "city breaks" in Europe,could very well mean he has a habit of cavorting with ladies of the night. Ask him, see if he goes red or gets all defensive!
Even worse, if your parents become ill in old age then he will either have to care for them in the home; OR they will go into some kind of state/or private care, which will likely require sale of their house; OR they end up living with you in your house. He will prefer the last option, no doubt.
Don;t let him get away with it.
Also, "city breaks" in Europe,could very well mean he has a habit of cavorting with ladies of the night. Ask him, see if he goes red or gets all defensive!
I don't really think you should get involved.
From what you say he pays keep, it's not market rental rates but what parent would charge their child market bloody rates to let them stay at their house?
People talk about it eating into your inheritance but unless I'm mistaken he is paying some keep, he's funding these trips off his own back (he just don't keep spare cash) and once your parents do pass away (hopefully many years in the future) you yourself say there would be no problem in dividing the estate.
I can't see the sponging element. Living at home at 40 is a slightly sad life choice in my opinion but it is a choice for him and your parents. Have either of your parents said to you that they resent him still being at home? Your post indicates that you have been pushing this point with your parents and they have been defending him.
I'm sure that most parents would rather know that their child was self sufficient, sensible and secure so yes I can imagine that if you keep pushing they might admit to you that yes they do worry about him in the future as he doesn't hold many assets but that will be for him to deal with.
The only issue could be if your parents don't want him living with them as they want their own space.
From what you say he pays keep, it's not market rental rates but what parent would charge their child market bloody rates to let them stay at their house?
People talk about it eating into your inheritance but unless I'm mistaken he is paying some keep, he's funding these trips off his own back (he just don't keep spare cash) and once your parents do pass away (hopefully many years in the future) you yourself say there would be no problem in dividing the estate.
I can't see the sponging element. Living at home at 40 is a slightly sad life choice in my opinion but it is a choice for him and your parents. Have either of your parents said to you that they resent him still being at home? Your post indicates that you have been pushing this point with your parents and they have been defending him.
I'm sure that most parents would rather know that their child was self sufficient, sensible and secure so yes I can imagine that if you keep pushing they might admit to you that yes they do worry about him in the future as he doesn't hold many assets but that will be for him to deal with.
The only issue could be if your parents don't want him living with them as they want their own space.
Soldato
Skipped the entire thread, only read OP...
A 40 year old living with parents?
I hate to be dark and bring up an obvious subject, but when you're parents part from this world (which I hope not soon obviously!), what will happen then?
Sounds like he's scraping by on previous debt payments and is splashing carelessly.
Will you support him? Will you take him in and support him?
He needs a reality check and my advice is it needs to be a hard one. You have to force him out, when he leaves one weekend, kick all his **** out, pack it up. Dump it off at a rented storage unit that's paid for 3 months and tell him to sort his **** out and that he's not welcome back.
He will likely either end up homeless, in a shared house or heaven forbid, sorting his life out...
It's the only solution.
A 40 year old living with parents?
I hate to be dark and bring up an obvious subject, but when you're parents part from this world (which I hope not soon obviously!), what will happen then?
Sounds like he's scraping by on previous debt payments and is splashing carelessly.
Will you support him? Will you take him in and support him?
He needs a reality check and my advice is it needs to be a hard one. You have to force him out, when he leaves one weekend, kick all his **** out, pack it up. Dump it off at a rented storage unit that's paid for 3 months and tell him to sort his **** out and that he's not welcome back.
He will likely either end up homeless, in a shared house or heaven forbid, sorting his life out...
It's the only solution.
This is my thought as well. going to a city would be the furthest thing from a break I could think of.
You do not do this to your family.
Soldato
You do if you love them. It's in their benefit.
The man child is 40 years old. You think they've not already tried talking/shouting/crying about this to him?
Something needs to give. And the only option in my eyes is a hard lesson.
Maybe the brother and family can help him setup by paying deposit and a few months rent?
Soldato
i think it's called "tough love", it's not healthy for a 40 old man to be living at home, your parents have a duty to look after you when you're a child but not when you're able to look after yourself.
OK he doesn't earn a fortune but it's enough to get himself a nice room in a shared house, OK he might need to cut down a bit on the City Breaks but I hear Rhyl is lovely this time of the year
Or maybe he just needs a bit of help and (actual) encouragement rather than just shoving them out and/or sniping at them about moving out... that said if he is managing to gallivant around the world on city breaks doesn't sound like he should have too much problems with dealing with the various factors involved in moving out and living on his own.
OP if you are concerned then speak to your parents about it. Ask them if they want you to speak with your brother. Support them in their decisions but there's no point getting involved if they are happy to put up with the status quo, as annoying as that may be.
Potentially making them homeless, even for a short time, is for their benefit?
I love my family, I wouldn't do this to them. My values wouldn't allow me to do it, despite how much they were annoying me.
Soldato
Maybe offer to go "room hunting" with him.
I love my parents dearly but I couldn't live a home with them, it would drive me crazy!
Just chucking him onto the streets isn't a great idea, you should just all "support" him to leave home within a set timeline.
I love my parents dearly but I couldn't live a home with them, it would drive me crazy!
Just chucking him onto the streets isn't a great idea, you should just all "support" him to leave home within a set timeline.
Yeah indeed - if I had kids the last thing I'd do is turf them out because they'd become inconvenient - would certainly make more effort to help them be self-sufficient if that seemed to be an issue and/or encourage them to be more responsible with their money - plenty of ways to do that without man handling their belongings.
Caporegime
Jeez, I'm glad I'm not a son of some of the people in here. I'd never want to see you again and you'd be dying a lonely death when it comes.
Just out of interest OP, who does your brother go on these city breaks with? Alone or with friends (with benefits or otherwise)?
That post makes absolutely no sense. The OP never mentioned anything about inheritance, only the less intelligent posters such as yourself did. Also how could his brother, with debt and no savings, buy their house? Dime... bar.
That post makes absolutely no sense. The OP never mentioned anything about inheritance, only the less intelligent posters such as yourself did. Also how could his brother, with debt and no savings, buy their house? Dime... bar.
Soldato
He will have to hit rock bottom before he learns by the looks of it. Only way for him to hit rock bottom is if he doesn't have a place to stay and that means throwing him out of the house until reality hits him in the face.