OcUK Dadsnet thread

[cheesyboy]

My son watched, more or less, no TV at all before he was 2.5. Didn't play on tablets or computers at all until about 4. Some of his friends were similar, others had electronic access much younger.

Having just been on a skiing holiday with 3 of his friends (they're all 6/7), it seems to have made no difference on how hooked they all are when allowed free access to tablets/games. They weren't even interested in watching a dvd when the tablets were available. It's like crack cocaine to an under-10.

 

[tom_e]

To be fair just look at most people these days, many of them won't have had access to anything more than a basic phone and a desktop PC when younger but it's not stopped many people being glued to their phone/tablet/laptop and sweating profusely if they're not nearby at all times.

 

[skaif]

To be fair just look at most people these days, many of them won't have had access to anything more than a basic phone and a desktop PC when younger but it's not stopped many people being glued to their phone/tablet/laptop and sweating profusely if they're not nearby at all times.

True enough, I left my phone at home today, luckily whatsapp web is installed on the laptop meaning I can still communicate with the world!

How did we get this bad?

 

[Master_X]

To be fair just look at most people these days, many of them won't have had access to anything more than a basic phone and a desktop PC when younger but it's not stopped many people being glued to their phone/tablet/laptop and sweating profusely if they're not nearby at all times.

Actually that's a good point.

 

[Amleto]

tidy up song.

Nice one!

 

[ShortWarning]

My son watched, more or less, no TV at all before he was 2.5. Didn't play on tablets or computers at all until about 4. Some of his friends were similar, others had electronic access much younger.

Having just been on a skiing holiday with 3 of his friends (they're all 6/7), it seems to have made no difference on how hooked they all are when allowed free access to tablets/games. They weren't even interested in watching a dvd when the tablets were available. It's like crack cocaine to an under-10.

Same with my stepson. He didn't play games at all until he was about 4-5 (he's now 7). His grandparents got an ipad and now all he wants to do is play on the ipad or our phones. I really think it's damaged his motivation for learning, we're trying to get him back on track but it's difficult.

 

[schnipps]

I can give a slightly different view of dad-hood i guess, perhaps slightly controversial however i wear my heart on my sleeve.

My first is a girl and she is 6, when we had her i couldn't wait and then the dawning of the crying and the horrors of what came for me just overwhelmed me. I hated it with a passion and i mean hated it, i absolutely couldn't bare to be around her when she cried and i wished and spoke openly a few times to my wife that i wish we could have just gone back to not having her. I swore i would never have another and i kept that feeling and still do to this day. The amount of effort and crying and down right depression i got from the first 2.5 years were enough to send me to drink and they have. However after about 3.5 years the person she became was a totally different experience and now that she is 6 she is perfect and to be without her would kill me, she is the most grown up bag of love i could never have expected. basically i cant handle the baby stage.

So last year after being pestered for around 4 years about having another i had to make a decision, my wife wanted another, i however did not. I expressed to her how much i really didnt want to go through it again and this went on for a while, i took advice from my parents and in the end i had a decision. Do i say no and make my daughter an only child and my wife probably forever resenting, or do i say yes and have hell on earth again for the next 3 years.

In the end i put my cards on the table and said yes, but i was firm that i needed more space with the baby side of it, and i just couldn't be as hands on this time. My wife agreed. Fast forward a bit and we have a 5 week old boy and all of the feeling have came back of how i was originally. My wife and I don't really communicate much, i have to take a back seat with him however i try and spend more time with my 6 year old, i do all of the school runs, i work, i do all of the house work and everything BUT the baby stuff. Its causing issues though and i really don't know where it will end we are in that marriage place that baby's cause, where you are quite separate.

There is my story

 

[Tunney]

Same with my stepson. He didn't play games at all until he was about 4-5 (he's now 7). His grandparents got an ipad and now all he wants to do is play on the ipad or our phones. I really think it's damaged his motivation for learning, we're trying to get him back on track but it's difficult.

There's some amazing educational apps for iPad.

 

[Gimpymoo]

@schnipps, when my second came along, I think me and the Mrs did not say a pleasant word to each other for about two years

Partly it was owing the aforementioned sprog being a complete handful.

Things settled down and we went on to have another.

It can only make you both stronger

 

[ShortWarning]

There's some amazing educational apps for iPad.

I know. We've encouraged him to use them. He's not interested. I'm not blaming him or anyone else, it's our fault, we are trying to wean him off slowly.

 

[Burned_Alive]

I can give a slightly different view of dad-hood i guess, perhaps slightly controversial however i wear my heart on my sleeve.

My first is a girl and she is 6, when we had her i couldn't wait and then the dawning of the crying and the horrors of what came for me just overwhelmed me. I hated it with a passion and i mean hated it, i absolutely couldn't bare to be around her when she cried and i wished and spoke openly a few times to my wife that i wish we could have just gone back to not having her. I swore i would never have another and i kept that feeling and still do to this day. The amount of effort and crying and down right depression i got from the first 2.5 years were enough to send me to drink and they have. However after about 3.5 years the person she became was a totally different experience and now that she is 6 she is perfect and to be without her would kill me, she is the most grown up bag of love i could never have expected. basically i cant handle the baby stage.

So last year after being pestered for around 4 years about having another i had to make a decision, my wife wanted another, i however did not. I expressed to her how much i really didnt want to go through it again and this went on for a while, i took advice from my parents and in the end i had a decision. Do i say no and make my daughter an only child and my wife probably forever resenting, or do i say yes and have hell on earth again for the next 3 years.

In the end i put my cards on the table and said yes, but i was firm that i needed more space with the baby side of it, and i just couldn't be as hands on this time. My wife agreed. Fast forward a bit and we have a 5 week old boy and all of the feeling have came back of how i was originally. My wife and I don't really communicate much, i have to take a back seat with him however i try and spend more time with my 6 year old, i do all of the school runs, i work, i do all of the house work and everything BUT the baby stuff. Its causing issues though and i really don't know where it will end we are in that marriage place that baby's cause, where you are quite separate.

There is my story

Good on you for talking about it. I really dont have much advise for you other than to remember that it's only temporary, so try and soldier through it best you can. Make sure you keep talking to your wife about the way you feel and keep that line of communication open. I guess try and distract yourself with your daughter, house jobs, plus any hobbies where possible.

Maybe have a read up on post natal depression in fathers and maybe speak to your GP;
https://www.nct.org.uk/parenting/postnatal-depression-dads

 

[ci_newman]

I can give a slightly different view of dad-hood i guess, perhaps slightly controversial however i wear my heart on my sleeve.

My first is a girl and she is 6, when we had her i couldn't wait and then the dawning of the crying and the horrors of what came for me just overwhelmed me. I hated it with a passion and i mean hated it, i absolutely couldn't bare to be around her when she cried and i wished and spoke openly a few times to my wife that i wish we could have just gone back to not having her. I swore i would never have another and i kept that feeling and still do to this day. The amount of effort and crying and down right depression i got from the first 2.5 years were enough to send me to drink and they have. However after about 3.5 years the person she became was a totally different experience and now that she is 6 she is perfect and to be without her would kill me, she is the most grown up bag of love i could never have expected. basically i cant handle the baby stage.

So last year after being pestered for around 4 years about having another i had to make a decision, my wife wanted another, i however did not. I expressed to her how much i really didnt want to go through it again and this went on for a while, i took advice from my parents and in the end i had a decision. Do i say no and make my daughter an only child and my wife probably forever resenting, or do i say yes and have hell on earth again for the next 3 years.

In the end i put my cards on the table and said yes, but i was firm that i needed more space with the baby side of it, and i just couldn't be as hands on this time. My wife agreed. Fast forward a bit and we have a 5 week old boy and all of the feeling have came back of how i was originally. My wife and I don't really communicate much, i have to take a back seat with him however i try and spend more time with my 6 year old, i do all of the school runs, i work, i do all of the house work and everything BUT the baby stuff. Its causing issues though and i really don't know where it will end we are in that marriage place that baby's cause, where you are quite separate.

There is my story

Children can create incredible stress between two partners, you just need to try and ride out the storm. It will get easier but for now you've got to suck it up. Try and do the best thing for your 6-year old daughter, in time you will grow to love your son too. (I have been in the same place you are).

Do you have parents / in-laws that live nearby who can give you and your wife some time alone, even just for an hour while you go shopping? (try and do little things to feel "normal").

 

[Devrij]

I can give a slightly different view of dad-hood i guess, perhaps slightly controversial however i wear my heart on my sleeve.

My first is a girl and she is 6, when we had her i couldn't wait and then the dawning of the crying and the horrors of what came for me just overwhelmed me. I hated it with a passion and i mean hated it, i absolutely couldn't bare to be around her when she cried and i wished and spoke openly a few times to my wife that i wish we could have just gone back to not having her. I swore i would never have another and i kept that feeling and still do to this day. The amount of effort and crying and down right depression i got from the first 2.5 years were enough to send me to drink and they have. However after about 3.5 years the person she became was a totally different experience and now that she is 6 she is perfect and to be without her would kill me, she is the most grown up bag of love i could never have expected. basically i cant handle the baby stage.

So last year after being pestered for around 4 years about having another i had to make a decision, my wife wanted another, i however did not. I expressed to her how much i really didnt want to go through it again and this went on for a while, i took advice from my parents and in the end i had a decision. Do i say no and make my daughter an only child and my wife probably forever resenting, or do i say yes and have hell on earth again for the next 3 years.

In the end i put my cards on the table and said yes, but i was firm that i needed more space with the baby side of it, and i just couldn't be as hands on this time. My wife agreed. Fast forward a bit and we have a 5 week old boy and all of the feeling have came back of how i was originally. My wife and I don't really communicate much, i have to take a back seat with him however i try and spend more time with my 6 year old, i do all of the school runs, i work, i do all of the house work and everything BUT the baby stuff. Its causing issues though and i really don't know where it will end we are in that marriage place that baby's cause, where you are quite separate.

There is my story

While my experience is different, I can definitely relate to the tension with the other half where you don't see each other as often and rarely do anything together, along with being absolutely shattered all the time. While it's bloody hard, it's important to remember they are going through it too when you talk about it. There are times at 3am when I have a screaming baby, a frustrated partner, and a big meeting miles away in the morning that it feels crap, but as someone else said: it's temporary. Stick with it and try to get a weekend away with your missus if you have family you can leave the kids with.

 

[Tosno]

Mod edit - Not appropriate

 

[Freefaller]

I can give a slightly different view of dad-hood i guess, perhaps slightly controversial however i wear my heart on my sleeve.

My first is a girl and she is 6, when we had her i couldn't wait and then the dawning of the crying and the horrors of what came for me just overwhelmed me. I hated it with a passion and i mean hated it, i absolutely couldn't bare to be around her when she cried and i wished and spoke openly a few times to my wife that i wish we could have just gone back to not having her. I swore i would never have another and i kept that feeling and still do to this day. The amount of effort and crying and down right depression i got from the first 2.5 years were enough to send me to drink and they have. However after about 3.5 years the person she became was a totally different experience and now that she is 6 she is perfect and to be without her would kill me, she is the most grown up bag of love i could never have expected. basically i cant handle the baby stage.

So last year after being pestered for around 4 years about having another i had to make a decision, my wife wanted another, i however did not. I expressed to her how much i really didnt want to go through it again and this went on for a while, i took advice from my parents and in the end i had a decision. Do i say no and make my daughter an only child and my wife probably forever resenting, or do i say yes and have hell on earth again for the next 3 years.

In the end i put my cards on the table and said yes, but i was firm that i needed more space with the baby side of it, and i just couldn't be as hands on this time. My wife agreed. Fast forward a bit and we have a 5 week old boy and all of the feeling have came back of how i was originally. My wife and I don't really communicate much, i have to take a back seat with him however i try and spend more time with my 6 year old, i do all of the school runs, i work, i do all of the house work and everything BUT the baby stuff. Its causing issues though and i really don't know where it will end we are in that marriage place that baby's cause, where you are quite separate.

There is my story

Whilst I sympathise with the effort and strain this can put on your relationship, it is also very hard looking after a newborn day in day out. So you go to work, do the house work and so on... well that's normal surely? You can't expect your wife, to cook you a meal, clean the house, and look after a newborn. It's a shared responsibility, and surely her efforts need to be centred on your boy, not you or your home. Now I accept it is tough with another kid, you have your daughter to consider too - but effectively you're both looking after a child each... be grateful you have 2 healthy children and are in a position to be looking after them.

If your marriage wasn't good before, then surely you should have sorted that out first before having another child? It seems you were suffering pretty bad post natal depression - did you see a doctor about it?

Sure a crying baby is rough - but you deal with it, and pull your socks up and do what you can to provide for your family. I'm afraid whilst I can offer you sympathy in terms of knowing how tough it is, I think you need some help - nothing to be ashamed of, mental health and depression is a serious issue.

Go and fix it, before you do or say something foolish or that you will regret. I know it's not very supportive, but I guess it is a bit of "tough love".

 

[Tosno]

Whilst I sympathise with the effort and strain this can put on your relationship, it is also very hard looking after a newborn day in day out. So you go to work, do the house work and so on... well that's normal surely? You can't expect your wife, to cook you a meal, clean the house, and look after a newborn. It's a shared responsibility, and surely her efforts need to be centred on your boy, not you or your home. Now I accept it is tough with another kid, you have your daughter to consider too - but effectively you're both looking after a child each... be grateful you have 2 healthy children and are in a position to be looking after them.

No, it's not normal, Mrs Tosno cooked a meal, clean the house and breastfed/looked after our son, very happy to do so, while I brought home the bacon, she is a mother after all. schnipps wife's effort shouldn't be only on the baby, she is in a relationship, she is not a single mother.

 

[Freefaller]

Good for you. You have to realise that for most people this is not the case.

 

[koolpc]

I elected to be a stay at home dad and started looking after our daughter when she was 5 months old as my wife wanted to go back to her career. I loved every min of it! We have a fantastic bond now (she is nearly 11 years old). I changed more nappies than the wife did! lol

 

[Freefaller]

I elected to be a stay at home dad and started looking after our daughter when she was 5 months old as my wife wanted to go back to her career. I loved every min of it! We have a fantastic bond now (she is nearly 11 years old). I changed more nappies than the wife did! lol

I think I would struggle, so huge respect to you for that!

 

[Tosno]

It's all your opinion, it's not such hard work if you love your children, of course princesses wont lift a finger if they have a man does everything for them. Single mothers cope to cook and keep their homes clean (unless they are pigs) yet married women can't with much more help and money.