I don't know if I want kids or not

Xplo · 24 Mar 2017 at 21:58

Malevolence said:
For me it's a big no to having kids and an equally big no to long-term relationships. Both are money sucking parasites that attempt to change you into something else. I'm perfectly happy just dipping the wick in whatever comes along and leaving it at that. Why overcomplicate things?

Me and you likewise

Bassmansam · 24 Mar 2017 at 21:59

I don't get why people have kids in their 20's. Your just going to bring someone up to do something you have spent 20 odd years doing, just seems totally bizarre.

keenan · 24 Mar 2017 at 22:05

I'm 36 now, married and my son is 6. We live comfortable in a 2 bedroom house without any help or handouts.

I never thought I would be ready for kids until my wife got pregnant. Now my son is my whole life!

You think you know what you want until you have kids, the you want nothing else than to love them and for them to know they are loved

chroniclard · 24 Mar 2017 at 22:09

Dont bother, they are pretty annoying and take over half your life.

sigma · 24 Mar 2017 at 22:10

chroniclard said:
Dont bother, they are pretty annoying and take over half your life.

You find your own kids annoying?

keenan · 24 Mar 2017 at 22:15

chroniclard said:
Dont bother, they are pretty annoying and take over half your life.

Dad? Is that you?

Freefaller · 24 Mar 2017 at 22:16

redrabbit29 said:
I'm 32
My GF is soon to turn 30 and is keen on kids

I'm just not sure.

At times I think:

- would be great as the life in the future would be so good having kids around who are adults

- would make my life more. Meaningful

- why would you NOT want them?

On the other hand I think:

- I've now only got enough to start living properly and doing stuff

- I don't like children. They annoy me

- at retirement is just live my life and travel happy that I can do things

When you retire you can still travel and have fun. My in-laws and my parents spend months away.

I don't like other people's children until I had my own, now I tolerate them

You don't have to spend a fortune, but you do drop to 1 salary for a while, and you will have to consider looking after another life that is 100% dependent on you. You can still live a good life, you just have to consider how you live it.

However that said, we manage, our parents managed, and you just have to sacrifice some things, and I never knew true unconditional pure love until having a child. I never ever thought I'd say this, but I wouldn't think twice about giving my life to protect my kid. It's not something I ever felt before. I was not "bothered", thought it was something I wanted, but never thought about it. The only thing I wish I had done was get married a little younger and be a few years younger - but we are where we are and you just crack on and do what you have to do.

It is tiring, it is stressful, but it is also so so amazing. I never thought I'd feel this way, and never thought I'd be like this, but I haven't looked back, and love every second. I do work hard and long hours, so only spend time at the weekends - but that's life, I do it to look after my family. That's basically my purpose now - my family. And you know what? I'm fine with that.

chroniclard · 24 Mar 2017 at 22:26

sigma said:
You find your own kids annoying?

Anyone says otherwise is lying.

Love em to bits but they are annoying.

Kidge · 24 Mar 2017 at 22:32

keenan said:
Dad? Is that you?

McGraw · 24 Mar 2017 at 22:52

danoliver1 said:
If you have kids you will have no money, no time, no life outside of the kids, no sleep. But when you hold that baby you will feel a love so deep it hurts and all the things you lose don't matter one bit, infact you will realize that your life before was a hollow shell.

Nah, I don't define my life by whether or not I've brought kids into the word.

Never had kids (knew I didn't want them from very young) and 40 now and will never want them.

I get very little proper free time as it is, would love a dog but won't have one.

DanTheMan · 24 Mar 2017 at 22:57

I never thought I wanted kids for similar reasons, until I had one. Echoing what has been said by others with kids, I really didn't think it was possible for me to love anything as much as I love my daughter.

Also, it doesn't stop you from doing things nearly as much as you would think. I choose to do things differently because I prefer to spend time with her but I still have plenty of time and money for hobbies.

ron3003 · 24 Mar 2017 at 22:58

Who's going to look after you should you become ill? get old?

diamount · 24 Mar 2017 at 23:03

ron3003 said:
Who's going to look after you should you become ill? get old?

A carer named George.

Ayahuasca · 24 Mar 2017 at 23:05

Malevolence said:
For me it's a big no to having kids and an equally big no to long-term relationships. Both are money sucking parasites that attempt to change you into something else. I'm perfectly happy just dipping the wick in whatever comes along and leaving it at that. Why overcomplicate things?

There's more and more men heading this way and it's going to have a big effect on society.

Personally I'm absolutely rubbish at commitment, I've never seen it as a bad thing though, tying oneself down for years to come gives me an awful feeling. Once you've got kids you can't just quit that job you hate or do as and what you please at any time.

I don't think there's ever a right time to have them but being financially secure with a partner you actually want to be with and a willingness to do everything you can for a child are a must. Too many people just popping them out today without any consideration at all as to what kind of future they and the child will have.

Ayahuasca · 24 Mar 2017 at 23:05

ron3003 said:
Who's going to look after you should you become ill? get old?

Dignitas

Teknobry · 24 Mar 2017 at 23:26

36, no kids. never wanted them. I find it difficult enough to look after a cat.

CREATIVE!11 · 24 Mar 2017 at 23:28

Me? 29, 30 next year and no way in hell.

Purely a pragmatic decision these days both parents need dual income to survive on an average wage, housing costs a ton, kids cost a ton.

No thanks.

Madwelsh · 25 Mar 2017 at 00:04

diamount said:
A carer named George.

The guy who picks his ass then feeds you.. good luck!

I NEVER wanted kids.. not remotely, got shoved into it by my missus, (she's older than me) kids or we are finished, because I (her) want kids.. yep, read the riot act.. So I thought it'll take time, nope, within 2 months.. (my dad says well we are fertile ) bang here we go... I will tell you this, if you are there and see them born, both of mine literally in my hands, they transcend anything beforehand. People saying it's great not having kids, honestly having a piece of you, and watching it learn, etc.. you miss out on a huge amount of life. It costs a lot, both in money and you (if you do it right),. Kids make a world of difference, aside from giving up basically all of your time, they will test you, and your relationship, they will test you! Best thing that ever happened to me, I couldn't imagine life without them, I'd do anything for them, it's scarey what you would do.. murder? What can I say, rest assured I'd do damn near anything for my kids.. People who don't have, a bit crap and a bit weird, that's the way society judges.

V F · 25 Mar 2017 at 00:08

Feels like Curly and the one thing.

diamount · 25 Mar 2017 at 00:17

Madwelsh said:
The guy who picks his ass then feeds you.. good luck!

I NEVER wanted kids.. not remotely, got shoved into it by my missus, (she's older than me) kids or we are finished, because I (her) want kids.. yep, read the riot act.. So I thought it'll take time, nope, within 2 months.. (my dad says well we are fertile ) bang here we go... I will tell you this, if you are there and see them born, both of mine literally in my hands, they transcend anything beforehand. People saying it's great not having kids, honestly having a piece of you, and watching it learn, etc.. you miss out on a huge amount of life. It costs a lot, both in money and you (if you do it right),. Kids make a world of difference, aside from giving up basically all of your time, they will test you, and your relationship, they will test you! Best thing that ever happened to me, I couldn't imagine life without them, I'd do anything for them, it's scarey what you would do.. murder? What can I say, rest assured I'd do damn near anything for my kids.. People who don't have, a bit crap and a bit weird, that's the way society judges.

Yeah, I don't think his personal hygiene would be relevant unless he's hand-feeding you. Anyway, you love your kids and that's fair enough but saying it's a life wasted is a massive fallacy. Having kids is like a massive anchor for the next 18+ years, as your life will be entirely focused on them and their development instead of your own.. and that's right, you brought this little human into the world, better see it through until they can look after themselves. But seeing people as lesser for not having kids is something better change, especially as we're nearing critical mass on sustaining such a high population.