Lost my 8 week old - Brain Tumor

G18241 · 15 Aug 2017 at 22:29

knip said:
Please check with someone official about the sick pay thing. You qualify for it as long as you've worked there for a certain amount of time, which it sounds like you have. Ring ACAS or the union if you're in one, or speak to CAB. Your employer may be giving you the wrong information.

https://www.gov.uk/employers-sick-pay/eligibility-and-form-ssp1

I was off work for 2 weeks after she passed away on a sick note from my doctor...i then had another week as i really wasn't ready to go back to work, and ended up not being paid that 3rd week as i was only entitled to the 2, which was the pay just before Christmas, so that made it even harder at the time as we were money short

so now SSP at all there, which is something like £130 a week or something? Which to be honest, i dont think would be enough to cover our outgoings

illuz · 16 Aug 2017 at 12:43

Check your messages

G18241 · 17 Aug 2017 at 07:55

Well, the day is here

I've just spent half an hour putting a collage of all my favorite pictures together and writing her a message, been crying constantly through out, but some of those were happy tears as well, which i was not expecting.

We have had the offer of going to the seaside with her little cousin who is only a few months older than her...still not sure what we are going to do as the wife is still in bed, but if Ivy were here we would have been doing something fun, so i really want to try and not just sit in the house and pull the curtains all day...that may change in 10 minutes though so will have to see how we go.

RoboCod · 17 Aug 2017 at 07:57

A day out sounds like a good idea, but just do whatever comes naturally

platypus · 17 Aug 2017 at 10:26

Can't imagine how hard today is for you. All the best to you and your wife.

tom_nieto · 17 Aug 2017 at 13:26

Best of luck today. It must be absolutely heart breaking to have to go through this. Wishing you all the best.

nutcase · 17 Aug 2017 at 21:40

Thinking of you guys today.

FlakGunna · 17 Aug 2017 at 23:16

Recently been a lurker on this forum and I've just signed up because I noticed this thread.
I am very deeply sorry for your loss.
I hope that you and your wife are coping the best you can and you are keeping strong.

G18241 · 18 Aug 2017 at 07:44

Well, we ended up going to Skegness with the wife's parents and nephew and had a really nice day

Some may find it strange, but we actually took Ivy's ashes with us and picked out some clothes for her that she could have worn on her special day. Had a few low points through the day, but handled it as a whole much better than i thought i would, though i think if we would have just sat in the house if would have been a much different story.

nutcase · 18 Aug 2017 at 09:51

That's good to hear. And doesn't sound strange at all.

jubei · 18 Aug 2017 at 10:17

Sorry for your loss mate, the donation is thoughtful and I'm sure will help others.

Qjumper · 18 Aug 2017 at 10:33

Sorry for your loss. I hope you and your family find strength from your treasured memories. Wish you all of the best from now onwards.

G18241 · 10 Oct 2017 at 18:08

Sorry for the bump, but feel the need to vent again

Next Monday is 1 year since we lost Ivy, and I'm really struggling. My counselor has been off work sick for the past 4 weeks so haven't had a session with her and feel this has had a real impact my day to day life. I have been off work the past 2 weeks on annual leave, in which we went to Poland with 2 very close friends which was a nice change, but even then, anxiety and panic attacks still managed to have the better of me one day. The day before i left for annual leave i had a grievance meeting at work and it looks as though I'm actually owed some money from the time i had off to arrange Ivy's funeral etc, so that is one slight good thing. Work has calmed down a little and I'm finding i can cope a little better, but today in particular my PTSD has just kicked my butt all day, constantly having flash backs to the most horrendous images of my little girl after her operation and after she had passed, and also me carrying her wicker casket down to the front of the crematorium...these are images i am stuck with most days, but today it has been constant, and more vivid.

I have next Monday and Tuesday booked off work, as with Ivy's Birthday, we don't know what we are going to do, at the minute I literally just don't want to get out of bed most days, my wife has expressed her concerns about my attitude and behavior recently as i just don't want to do anything and i know I've been snapping at her

My concentration levels are none existent, i will start gaming, only to turn whatever it is I am playing off after 5 minutes, but then be bored so start another game up and rinse and repeat. At work i am literally now on my own which is difficult as this gives me time to be in my head...but then i don't want to talk to people, so that is also an awkward situation.

We have another fund raising event coming up soon for Christmas, so hopefully i can get my head into that and focus on raising loads more money for Bluebell Wood

Sorry about the long post again, feels good to have some of that off my chest

riddler · 10 Oct 2017 at 18:34

G18241 said:
Sorry for the bump, but feel the need to vent again

Next Monday is 1 year since we lost Ivy, and I'm really struggling. My counselor has been off work sick for the past 4 weeks so haven't had a session with her and feel this has had a real impact my day to day life. I have been off work the past 2 weeks on annual leave, in which we went to Poland with 2 very close friends which was a nice change, but even then, anxiety and panic attacks still managed to have the better of me one day. The day before i left for annual leave i had a grievance meeting at work and it looks as though I'm actually owed some money from the time i had off to arrange Ivy's funeral etc, so that is one slight good thing. Work has calmed down a little and I'm finding i can cope a little better, but today in particular my PTSD has just kicked my butt all day, constantly having flash backs to the most horrendous images of my little girl after her operation and after she had passed, and also me carrying her wicker casket down to the front of the crematorium...these are images i am stuck with most days, but today it has been constant, and more vivid.

I have next Monday and Tuesday booked off work, as with Ivy's Birthday, we don't know what we are going to do, at the minute I literally just don't want to get out of bed most days, my wife has expressed her concerns about my attitude and behavior recently as i just don't want to do anything and i know I've been snapping at her My concentration levels are none existent, i will start gaming, only to turn whatever it is I am playing off after 5 minutes, but then be bored so start another game up and rinse and repeat. At work i am literally now on my own which is difficult as this gives me time to be in my head...but then i don't want to talk to people, so that is also an awkward situation.

We have another fund raising event coming up soon for Christmas, so hopefully i can get my head into that and focus on raising loads more money for Bluebell Wood

Sorry about the long post again, feels good to have some of that off my chest

Just remember what a beautiful gift you had and try to think of the positives. It sounds like this is really impacting your relationship with your wife, focus your attention on bringing her happiness and don't let this ruin what you've built together.

As for the anxiety, consider exercising more and watching your diet closely. Coffee for example increases my anxiety hugely.

You've got this man, keep your head up and start kicking life's ass again. xxx

FlakGunna · 10 Oct 2017 at 18:51

Keep your head up my friend. You are not alone.

EGuitarStar · 10 Oct 2017 at 19:47

Mate, I can't imagine to feel what you are going through. You've coped well and been strong for nearly a year. And you and your wife both need each other, you've got to be strong to not lose that.

Really would give you a hug if I could. Stick in there you can get through this.

LOAM · 10 Oct 2017 at 19:57

Never apologise for long posts, rants or anything mate. We're all strangers more or less but here for you in anyway we can be <3

Thekwango · 10 Oct 2017 at 21:25

LOAM said:
Never apologise for long posts, rants or anything mate. We're all strangers more or less but here for you in anyway we can be <3

+1

You've nothing at all to apologie for mate. If it helps get it off your chest just let it go. We may be strangers on here but we are also your friends, if that makes sense. Feel free to vent.

cheesyboy · 10 Oct 2017 at 21:45

Sounds like it's worth a visit to your GP. Could be depression, over and above the grief you're, of course, going through.

Hope things pick up for you mate.

G18241 · 11 Oct 2017 at 17:11

cheesyboy said:
Sounds like it's worth a visit to your GP. Could be depression, over and above the grief you're, of course, going through.

Hope things pick up for you mate.

Theres no doubt i have depression mate

Already been to the GP and he was useless, pretty much asked ME what he wanted him to do for me. Got home today and the missus has had an awful day, i didnt realize today was 1 year since we never brought Ivy back home again