**The Mental Health Thread**

[AHarvey]

Seems a strange thing for your wife to call you fat knowing you have a mental health problem, doesn’t take a lot to push people over the edge.

I also live with chronic joint pain and if I've learned anything over the years is that if it can't be seen, people forget or don't understand.

My wife doesn't mean anything by it, it's a joke to her and we often do it back and forth ripping each other, it's just the way we are but with coming off these meds, and this BPD i often take things that are said innocently and they just wipe me out emotionally.

I can't and will not expect people to tread on eggshells around me, this problem is mine and mine alone. It may sound daft, but I don't want to be treated differently, dealing with all this **** is hard enough.

At the moment it's my dreams that are the hardest thing, I am having intense disturbing dreams means I am more tired when I wake than when I went to sleep. Fingers crossed the withdrawal starts to pass by soon.

 

[theaterix]

Soooo, i think i have post traumatic stress disorder from a violent abusive relationship coupled with soft drug abuse and the sudden death of my mother.

I know if i tell my doctor my symptoms they'll just give me antidepressants again which make me feel sick and dismiss me.

If i go in and say, i think i have ptsd they'll just think im taking the ****.

It's like i already have serveer adhd, anxiety, panic attacks and never socialise or go out anymore so one more wont hurt.

I came to this conclusion as before the relationship, i'd be out with my friends all the time and a social butterfly. Now i'm non existent, avoid relationships, become extremely defensive when i suspect foul play or mistreatment. I trust no one. Getting close to anyone causes panic attacks.

plus ijogjoejgejrtjgrtyjryty

Firstly, I am very sorry for the sudden loss of your mother, that must be truly truly heartbreaking, but she will be watching down on you in everything that you do and loves you more than you will ever believe, and I cant even imagine how much you are missing her, but if you were to do anything for anyone, you will work hard to get better and be able to look yourself in the mirror one morning and say **** you depression I just beat you, after you kicked me when I was down and you will feel so good to say **** YOU.

When I was receiving counselling earlier this year and was on meds, they really didnt help, what did help is me FORCING myself to lift my head up, even for 1 day, just promising things will start to get better only if I make them.
The meds dont work, they are just addictive and giving you a false positive IMO, what really helps is talking to someone and getting it all off your chest.

Part of my self-treatment is that I LOVE to help people, and that really digs me out of my holes as I feel as though I have a purpose and it really helps me mentally by providing assistance to anyone I possibly can as much as I can as it makes me feel good helping others out of places, that I had no help getting out of..

My counselor said 1 thing to me that really sticks in my head is that "Absolutely every negative has atleast 1 positive inside of it", absolutely amazing guy and I feel as though in order for counselling to be successful you need to be FULLY honest with them, I opened up about my excessive drug usage, things about past relationships I have never told anyone, and it really helped clear my head a bit and ultimately helped me get to being so much stronger than I was...

Honestly, not just you Gabbatek, but everyone else on here, if you ever just want someone to talk too, DO NOT hesitate to message me, if I can get even just 1 person out of a bad spot, that will make my life so much better and yours too, and hopefully you will return the help to someone in the future... People are here for you, and honestly I was about 5 seconds away from ending it, and my dog wanted to be in my room and my mam followed him in and found me and saw what I was about to do.

I told no one, I didnt want the attention, I didnt want to bother anyone, but honest to god things would have been so much easier if I had of.... The hardest step of anything is making the first move, once you do that things will happen in a domino effect and get better quickly, you will have bad days/weeks but you will have good days and you just have to keep your head up and focus on the positives in things than the negatives, and its easier said than done, but if you try your absolute best then things will happen as you make them.

Again, if ANYONE, no matter age, gender whatever, if you want someone to talk too please never ever hesitate to trust me, and we can take it from there...

Thanks for reading

 

[AHarvey]

The meds dont work, they are just addictive and giving you a false positive IMO, what really helps is talking to someone and getting it all off your chest.

Part of my self-treatment is that I LOVE to help people, and that really digs me out of my holes as I feel as though I have a purpose and it really helps me mentally by providing assistance to anyone I possibly can as much as I can as it makes me feel good helping others out of places, that I had no help getting out of..

I think the meds can work, not on their own but as part of a treatment process. For me, it enabled me to see I wasn't just a miserable angry ****** and I could be different. It free's people up to start doing things, exercising, clubs, whatever it is and then that's when you start to come off them. Drugs aren't the cure, it's a means to an end.

As for helping people, I can completely agree with that. It makes such a difference when you know you've helped someone. This is a small part of a much longer video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fYZyMkVQep8 Even small things, letting people out of a junction. Understanding that you've probably made their day a little better and they will hopefully pass it on.

The guy has a great way of looking at things and making you question why you do things the way you do. Simon Sinek.

 

[AHarvey]

My wife had been telling me I've been losing my hair now for a few months bit I thought she was messing about.

Always had thick hair. For some reason I checked it this morning and so thin at the back it's a joke. Wife says it started when i started my meds and goggle seems to back it up that sertraline can cause hair loss.

I didn't think it would bother me bit I've been in a **** mood all day, to the point people have noticed, and in usually very good at hiding it.

I'd really the little things that get me down.

 

[SixTwoSix]

Long story short, posted a few times in here, had a mini breakdown mid october, went onto anti depressants and took 3 weeks off work, then went back to work for two weeks, nothing improved...had another proper breakdown, barely held it together while at work for those two weeks. Went to my boss for the second time, told him the story, got signed off for another two weeks and also got prescribed beta blockers for anxiety.

Fast forward, 9 days later, made a mistake, had a drink...been good and didn't touch alcohol for close to 7 weeks...now had a few beers and probably feeling it more cos of meds.

Feeling lost...no direction, only focus is wife and baby...best things in my life. Almost get close to tears when I see the little guy, close to 7 months old, always smiling...always happy, only cries when hungry, needs a change or teething right now. So worried about getting everything right for him, having enough money when I retire in ~30 years for me and my wife, getting a mortgage, clearing debts, getting healthy, being more socially outgoing.

Game a lot with the ocuk guys on discord on PUBG, bet none of them been in here or realise i'm on meds. Quite often have to listen to passive racism when gaming with them, wife is polish and hear some nasty stuff sometimes. When I mention it either met with silence or further abuse/banter.

Always get to this point on past posts where i'm not sure if i've posted what I meant...just rambled but it kind of helps. Hurting, teary, feel like I should man up...ummm, thats it.

 

[monkeypants]

Hello mate, sounds like you have a list of things to achieve, so a good thing to do might be write it down and stick it to the fridge or where ever you keep notices and stuff. Make sure it's bold and make sure it never gets covered up. Focus then on breaking each bit down (i.e. how you will get each) and then see which ones you think you can make a start on now, take a deep breath and just do it. Like getting healthy, maybe put on some trainers and just go for a jog or fast walk (guess it depends on your current fitness) if you get tired but think you should do more then slow down and catch your breath, then go again for a bit. Don't overdo it though because you should aim to do it every day to get into a routine.

Maybe stop playing PUBG with those people, or explain it to them outside of the game because they might not realise that their banter is not a joke to everyone. It's up to you if you tell them about yourself, but people are gradually becoming more understanding and even if just one of them knows then that's an extra person you can mention stuff to to get it off your chest.

Lastly, don't worry about getting everything right for your son, you probably won't get everything "right" when you look back but keep him safe and spend as much time as you can with him and help him grow.

Make the list and see if it helps... Oh and another good tip is to go outside during the daylight, even just for a little while, it can really help your mood.

 

[TheMeekon]

.

Game a lot with the ocuk guys on discord on PUBG, bet none of them been in here or realise i'm on meds. Quite often have to listen to passive racism when gaming with them, wife is polish and hear some nasty stuff sometimes. When I mention it either met with silence or further abuse/banter.

Always get to this point on past posts where i'm not sure if i've posted what I meant...just rambled but it kind of helps. Hurting, teary, feel like I should man up...ummm, thats it.

Hey, I just realised I had played a few times with you on PUBG and the others. There is quite a bit of that going on in there, I remember a game with you in it and being on the Asia servers with certain things being said. It made me feel a bit rubbish!

You never know who is going through stuff, I remember being very low while playing with you lot and wondering why everyone else sounded so well and I was on the edge.

If you ever fancy a game and a chat give me a shout.

Although I'm going in and out of bad times, I've done this before and it does get better

 

[jacksgotbones]

I seem to be out of spoons more and more lately!

 

[theaterix]

Hey, I just realised I had played a few times with you on PUBG and the others. There is quite a bit of that going on in there, I remember a game with you in it and being on the Asia servers with certain things being said. It made me feel a bit rubbish!

You never know who is going through stuff, I remember being very low while playing with you lot and wondering why everyone else sounded so well and I was on the edge.

If you ever fancy a game and a chat give me a shout.

Although I'm going in and out of bad times, I've done this before and it does get better

Some people are better at hiding it than others, and I genuinely think everyone has a day where they wake up and think wtf even is life... But then the next day you answer your own question and have a good day... Its a strange thing the brain, but again it does get better

 

[Ayahuasca]

Easier said than done but stop hanging around with people if they're making you feel worse and ignoring your best wishes, there's no need for "casual" racism but it doesn't surprise me the way some of them go on in that thread.

 

[FoxEye]

Pretty much sums me up. In my case I can't turn them off, not sure about tek81's case though.

I find whenever I walk anywhere my head drops and I just become completely absorbed in thoughts/fantasies. Have to make a real conscious effort to snap out of it - if that is I catch myself doing it/ am aware that I'm doing it.

The trouble is 99% of the time those thoughts are simulations of disasters. You role-play yourself and everyone else, only it's a really nasty version of everyone else. People you work with all hate you. Family want to kill your cat. Everybody wants to steal your money. People want you dead.

It's utterly divorced from reality (though there may be a few on OcUK who would like to kill me ). I can't remember when it started but it would have been some time in childhood I suspect. I've done it all my adult life.

Just any time when I'm not 100% focused (video games are a massive escape) this is where my thoughts and daydreams take me.

Even my night dreams all end badly. Though I might be happy for a short while in my night dreams, they all end in some kind of desperate tragedy. Sometimes I wake up with the most intense feelings of loss, rejection, and inadequacy.

 

[linktoinsanity]

I find whenever I walk anywhere my head drops and I just become completely absorbed in thoughts/fantasies. Have to make a real conscious effort to snap out of it - if that is I catch myself doing it/ am aware that I'm doing it.

The trouble is 99% of the time those thoughts are simulations of disasters. You role-play yourself and everyone else, only it's a really nasty version of everyone else. People you work with all hate you. Family want to kill your cat. Everybody wants to steal your money. People want you dead.

It's utterly divorced from reality (though there may be a few on OcUK who would like to kill me ). I can't remember when it started but it would have been some time in childhood I suspect. I've done it all my adult life.

Just any time when I'm not 100% focused (video games are a massive escape) this is where my thoughts and daydreams take me.

Even my night dreams all end badly. Though I might be happy for a short while in my night dreams, they all end in some kind of desperate tragedy. Sometimes I wake up with the most intense feelings of loss, rejection, and inadequacy.

Yeah, at least reading this thread helps us both know we are not alone in this.

Last week I thought of another way I could end things. Was not the best of feelings...

 

[AHarvey]

I'm now officially off the meds, and getting some **** withdrawal symptoms.

I slept 17 hours from Sat @ 19:30 until after Sunday lunch time. I'm having what feels like epic length dreams that would rival some of the greatest directors in Hollywood.

Feeling sick all the time, being sick some of the time, issues with focusing my vision today and real issues focussing on work. Hopefully it's short lived, 2-3 weeks and it should be over.

Feeling lost...no direction, only focus is wife and baby...best things in my life. Almost get close to tears when I see the little guy, close to 7 months old, always smiling...always happy, only cries when hungry, needs a change or teething right now. So worried about getting everything right for him, having enough money when I retire in ~30 years for me and my wife, getting a mortgage, clearing debts, getting healthy, being more socially outgoing.

I've said this before in this thread, gaming is an escape but it's also a prison. We use it to escape the **** we deal with in the real world but we come to rely on it, it gives us feelings of achievement that we don't always feel in real life, which makes real life worse, so we want to escape more. Other than a few Facebook games I've not touched gaming since last Christmas. I want to, but I feel it was doing nothing for me. It takes your time and gives nothing back.

Don't worry about be socially outgoing, it's not important. Want to get healthy, start with walks, fresh air especially in the woods really brightens your mood. Jobs, retirement, mortgage, debts etc, the only thing that really matters is your wife's happiness, your son's and your own.

 

[Slam62]

Blimey I'm feeling rubbish at the moment, I think its because I've got to go to the dentist next week and for some reason my ocd anxiety gets really wound up about it.
I remember Jon Richardson wanting to put his brain into room 101. That's how I feel sometimes, my brain really is a pain in the neck .

 

[SixTwoSix]

A couple of days later, I have read the replies and they're appreciated. Gonna have a ramble now and try to address what folks have said.

RE: The casual racism/xenophobia/nonsense...literally less than an hour of posting that the other night and someone quite prominent on PUBG discord brought up the subject of my foreign wife. Whether it was coincidence or he had read this thread and was trying to get a rise I don't know, I just blanked it and we had a good match.

I do game a lot, i'm not massively socially outgoing and generally I love the banter we have during PUBG matches, it's a lot of fun, some people just either don't know where the line is or even know there is a line.

As for my health, i've been really good the last few years, I have a pretty full gym in my garage and can do masses of workouts. Last 9-12 months i've just lost all motivation. Something my wife touched on is that I need to get back to an actual gym. She thinks I need the disconnect from gym and home. She suggested I finish work, go to gym, "detox" from the day and come home. Trouble with that is I lose time with my son in the evening. However I wonder is it better to have 1 good hour with him after work instead of 2 mediocre hours where i'm battling with the days BS.

My son, I know I can't get it all right, i'm just fixated on my own past, folks seperated when I was two, two crappy stepdads, left home at 19, wandered, meandered, no direction til about 27 when I met my current wife. Whenever I see him smile I just don't want that smile ever removed. It swells my heart to see that smile and when he laughs...almost welling up now typing this.

@TheMeekon was that the time folks were chatting local in some eastern european language, someone in the squad was abusing them and I quietly said "my missus is polish" ?

 

[AHarvey]

As for my health, i've been really good the last few years, I have a pretty full gym in my garage and can do masses of workouts. Last 9-12 months i've just lost all motivation. Something my wife touched on is that I need to get back to an actual gym. She thinks I need the disconnect from gym and home. She suggested I finish work, go to gym, "detox" from the day and come home. Trouble with that is I lose time with my son in the evening. However I wonder is it better to have 1 good hour with him after work instead of 2 mediocre hours where i'm battling with the days BS.

It's worth a try. I don't know what you do for a living but any chance of going in an hour early, leaving an hour early so you still get the gym and time with your son?

Being a working dad is so hard I find, I'd quit in an instant to be a stay at home dad. I enjoy my job although today I felt like an imposter and a failure, everyone seems to think I am doing really well, just can't see it myself some days. I'd still swap it all to spend time with my kids. My little girl is 6 now, 2nd year of school and days I work until 10 pm I don't see her at all, maybe 30 mins in the morning if I get up. Since moving onto shifts from 9-5 though, my 2-year-old son's speech has massively improved and he's now counting to 5.

My son, I know I can't get it all right, i'm just fixated on my own past, folks seperated when I was two, two crappy stepdads, left home at 19, wandered, meandered, no direction til about 27 when I met my current wife. Whenever I see him smile I just don't want that smile ever removed. It swells my heart to see that smile and when he laughs...almost welling up now typing this.

You know what, you've seen what a **** childhood is, because of that, you will not give your son the same upbringing. He and that smile is the candle in the dark, I know the feeling. No matter how **** I was feeling, or how bad my day, as soon as I got hugs with my kids it all went away.

As for people on discord can't you just mute the idiots?

 

[Ayahuasca]

Don't worry about be socially outgoing, it's not important.

I think a good argument can be made against this point, you don’t have to be billy big mouth but being a recluse or not trying at all in social situations is going to hinder your life greatly, many careers outside of STEM subjects require you to be quite functional socially if you want to progress.

It’s of little surprise that mental health issues commonly arise in those that aren’t great socially, it’s one area that seems pretty paramount to your wellbeing actually.

Going from working in an office everyday to working from home has had a negative impact on social interactions for me as well as my mental health, going into the office I feel disconnected from the people there whereas when I worked there everyday I felt a part of the business and could socialise with ease.

 

[JonnyT]

Man, my issues sound small beer in comparison but here goes...

I'm really struggling at the moment, no REALLY struggling, far more than usual. Whilst I would describe myself as a 'functioning' depression and anxiety sufferer - i.e. I can force myself to go to work, keep myself clean and do the basic chores to keep going - my mood the past couple of weeks has really crashed. I've had a pretty mad year; I split up with my girlfriend of 2 years in January after 6 months of 'breaks' and on and off tension. I then have to deal with her being upset and whining to her friends and 'our friends' for most of the year after that, including a meltdown from her over a misunderstanding that I was somehow on dating websites after less than 2 months, and a constant feeling on social media that her 'spies' are watching my every move.

Work has been abysmal, there's no getting away from it. Putting in lots of extra hours in several stints over the year for major projects which needed firefighting, for little or no reward or recognition. Morale is rock-bottom in the place generally as we'e gone through a round of significant job cuts in recent weeks, and there's no hope of any kind of Christmas party, bonus or future advancement opportunities.

After my break-up, I resolved with myself that I didn't want to be living in a shared house by the time I turned 40, so pushed ahead with buying (with Parental help) a house. Unfortunately Cambridge house prices are astronomical, so I had to choose to move to a small town ~15 miles outside the city. The house is nice and all, and having my own space is good up to a point, but I often massively regret it, due to in a lot of senses cutting myself off from my friends and family, stretching my finances somewhat with a mortgage meaning I have to sit at home alone more than I would like, and I now have an hour plus commute by bike or car to work. I do see my friends and family in Cambridge fairly regularly, but even after 5 months in this town I don't know anyone, and the times I have tried to go out alone here just to try and talk to some new people I've failed.

My love live and sex life this year has been non-existent, save for a couple of momentary nightclub snogs early in the year, and an encounter with an escort over the summer which I regretted almost immediately afterwards.

I just wanted to vent, and let my story out, sorry guys. Everything seems so pointless and futile. I can barely make it through the working week without having at least one beer an evening to take the edge off and help me relax. Sleep is very much at a premium; I am tired and lethargic all the time, but come bed time my mind races away ruminating about everything and nothing. I don't consider myself particularly attractive, my self confidence has always been low but is rock-bottom at the moment, I struggle with OCD and anxiety and feel so alone and miserable, just wondering if it will ever change, let alone get better, all the while getting more and more sick of the empty platitudes from my friends and family about how well I've done this year.

 

[AHarvey]

I think a good argument can be made against this point, you don’t have to be billy big mouth but being a recluse or not trying at all in social situations is going to hinder your life greatly, many careers outside of STEM subjects require you to be quite functional socially if you want to progress.

It’s of little surprise that mental health issues commonly arise in those that aren’t great socially, it’s one area that seems pretty paramount to your wellbeing actually.

Going from working in an office everyday to working from home has had a negative impact on social interactions for me as well as my mental health, going into the office I feel disconnected from the people there whereas when I worked there everyday I felt a part of the business and could socialise with ease.

While you're right, that social interactions can help you shouldn't feel pressured or stressed to be socially outgoing. When you've a lot of anxiety and stress one of the easiest changes to make is to realise that ultimately only one or two things are really important. These are your foundation.

Other things such as money, socialising, exercise etc are bricks that build a happiness house (god that sounds cheesy but it's the easiest way to explain it)

I believe that a lot of mental health issues today is a result of the information age. Information overload, we're expected to manage time, rushing around from A to B to C.. massive lists of things to do, things to worry about. It overloads our minds, makes us feel like failures because we can't do everything, when we need to realise, we never could do everything, we aren't meant to.

I've mentioned it before but 1 week a year we go yurting near woods in various locations. No tv, no internet, no phones, no social media, no news. We're all happier that week than we are at any other time. We spend real quality time with the 2 kids, we walk, we build fires, we play and speak to each other. We are happier with no electricity in the woods than we are at home with normal everyday life.

 

[AHarvey]

Man, my issues sound small beer in comparison but here goes...

No issues are small in here. They are all treated equally.

I'm really struggling at the moment, no REALLY struggling, far more than usual. Whilst I would describe myself as a 'functioning' depression and anxiety sufferer - i.e. I can force myself to go to work, keep myself clean and do the basic chores to keep going - my mood the past couple of weeks has really crashed. I've had a pretty mad year; I split up with my girlfriend of 2 years in January after 6 months of 'breaks' and on and off tension. I then have to deal with her being upset and whining to her friends and 'our friends' for most of the year after that, including a meltdown from her over a misunderstanding that I was somehow on dating websites after less than 2 months, and a constant feeling on social media that her 'spies' are watching my every move.

Have you spoken to your GP? I know it can be a difficult subject to bring up with anyone face to face because we see it as being broken, something to be ashamed of but it really isn't. Break ups are never easy but she sounds like a drama queen of the highest order. If you wanted to get on a dating site after 2 months that would be fine, there isn't a dedicated time you have to mourn for, and ultimately it's nothing to do with her anymore. Have you taken a break from social media? It can be one of the biggest triggers for depressive feelings because everyone projects this happy go lucky amazing lifestyle when reality is very different. Either remove it from your phone and only have it one a laptop, or deactivate it completely but let your close friends know you're doing it.

Work has been abysmal, there's no getting away from it. Putting in lots of extra hours in several stints over the year for major projects which needed firefighting, for little or no reward or recognition. Morale is rock-bottom in the place generally as we'e gone through a round of significant job cuts in recent weeks, and there's no hope of any kind of Christmas party, bonus or future advancement opportunities.

Work plays a massive part of our life and life is too short and far too long to be miserable. I changed jobs 4 months ago, a longer commute, 40 mins via car instead of 15 mins by foot but the companies are at polar ends of the scale. I still have issues here, feel like I'm failing but that's me, everyone here is supportive and friendly. Get on job sites, start looking, move on and push yourself to do better, you deserve better!

After my break-up, I resolved with myself that I didn't want to be living in a shared house by the time I turned 40, so pushed ahead with buying (with Parental help) a house. Unfortunately Cambridge house prices are astronomical, so I had to choose to move to a small town ~15 miles outside the city. The house is nice and all, and having my own space is good up to a point, but I often massively regret it, due to in a lot of senses cutting myself off from my friends and family, stretching my finances somewhat with a mortgage meaning I have to sit at home alone more than I would like, and I now have an hour plus commute by bike or car to work. I do see my friends and family in Cambridge fairly regularly, but even after 5 months in this town I don't know anyone, and the times I have tried to go out alone here just to try and talk to some new people I've failed.

Having your own space is great, but moving away from friends is ****. Are you inviting your family and friends round? Movie nights, meals, games nights. What hobbies do you have? are there any local groups for your hobbies? People there already have something in common and it can be a great way of breaking the ice. check out https://www.meetup.com/ to see if there's anything on there near you. What about local gyms? Maybe volunteer in a local charity shop for a while, you'll soon start to meet people even if they aren't 'your kind' of people.

Even apps like tinder or dating websites can be a great place to make friends in your area.

My love live and sex life this year has been non-existent, save for a couple of momentary nightclub snogs early in the year, and an encounter with an escort over the summer which I regretted almost immediately afterwards.

It's hardly surprising. After 2 years you forget how to be single and have to learn to deal with it again. Nightclubs aren't the best places to meet people for a love life, a one night stand maybe but they don't always help with your feelings of self-worth.

I just wanted to vent, and let my story out, sorry guys. Everything seems so pointless and futile. I can barely make it through the working week without having at least one beer an evening to take the edge off and help me relax. Sleep is very much at a premium; I am tired and lethargic all the time, but come bed time my mind races away ruminating about everything and nothing. I don't consider myself particularly attractive, my self confidence has always been low but is rock-bottom at the moment, I struggle with OCD and anxiety and feel so alone and miserable, just wondering if it will ever change, let alone get better, all the while getting more and more sick of the empty platitudes from my friends and family about how well I've done this year.

You have nothing to be sorry about, venting helps, writing it down and speaking to people helps. Stay away from the beer, it doesn't help.

Try and get into a routine. Home from work, food, then maybe a quick walk/run/ride before bed, warm shower, bed. If you can't sleep because things are running through your head keep a notebook and pen next to the bed, scribble it down. You can forget about it then knowing it's safely saved away.

The most important thing you need to realise, and when you have depression and anxiety it's not easy, but, if you're going through hell, you don't stop and make it home, you keep taking little steps until you're out of it.

You have to take steps, make little changes, not all at once, but try one every week or 2 weeks. It will give you a light at the end of the very dark tunnel you're in. You can do it.