Separating from my wife.

Soldato
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Been there done that with selling a property and giving half of it away :( however we got back together 18 months later and now own a joint home again and all is sweet, I wasn't normal in those days:eek:
 
Soldato
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Is it just me that really wouldn't care about the house? If I was unhappy, I'd leave the kids in the house with their mum and agree on spending as much time as possible with them.

Yes, it would be nice to have loads of money and buy lots of nice things, but I've been the kid in a nasty divorce, seen the results of hatred, anger and revenge. I saw my dad, my hero resort to emotional blackmail, suicide attempts and depression, my mum filled with anger and taking it out on me saying I was just like my dad, the man she hated, and they wonder why I've depression and BPD.

OP, you have some choices to make.

The affair could have been for attention from you. You could discuss the reasons for it and if you both want to try, you could work at making a go of it, fresh start. There's obviously something wrong for this to happen.

If one of you has fallen out of love, then split amicably, for the kids. No matter how much you hate each other you both love them. Agree up front on assets, how to split them and make arrangements before going to a solicitor, it'll save a lot of time and money. If you really don't want to sell the house, speak to our wife, explain the reasons, memories of the kids growing up, whatever it is. Keep emotion and anger out of it as much as possible. Even if you could buy her out, could you afford to run it on your own?

It's a **** situation, let go of any anger and cope as best as you can.

Good luck with it.
 
Soldato
Joined
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how did you find
did the op ever explain the circumstances?
maybe she had a stupid one night stand when drunk, felt guilty/regret it and told him.

he decided to end it.

I just read the OP. where it says Affair. Rather than a drunken one night stand.:D
 
Caporegime
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Is it just me that really wouldn't care about the house? If I was unhappy, I'd leave the kids in the house with their mum and agree on spending as much time as possible with them.

Yes, it would be nice to have loads of money and buy lots of nice things, but I've been the kid in a nasty divorce, seen the results of hatred, anger and revenge. I saw my dad, my hero resort to emotional blackmail, suicide attempts and depression, my mum filled with anger and taking it out on me saying I was just like my dad, the man she hated, and they wonder why I've depression and BPD.

I dunno, I think I'd care a fair bit about something I'd been pumping money into for years and then right when you're looking forward to your mortgage being paid off you realise now you're going to be paying one until you retire. It's easy to say don't worry about the money but finances are right up there at the top of peoples worries, rightly or wrongly.

There are ways and means to go about divorce without bending over and getting shafted for years of work and being able to keep your kids out of it.
 
Soldato
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I dunno, I think I'd care a fair bit about something I'd been pumping money into for years and then right when you're looking forward to your mortgage being paid off you realise now you're going to be paying one until you retire. It's easy to say don't worry about the money but finances are right up there at the top of peoples worries, rightly or wrongly.

There are ways and means to go about divorce without bending over and getting shafted for years of work and being able to keep your kids out of it.

Like I said, I've seen the negative side. From the age of 9-15 I had nothing, tatty clothes, some day's scraping by on 1 or 2 meals a day all because of a bad split between people. Yes, I'd love a big house and a long list of other OTT items but in reality, I spend very little and I'm aware other things mean happiness to me. Starting from scratch isn't ideal, but compared to bitterness, hatred, anger, rage, depression over fighting over the value of something I would personally choose to walk away.

In the OP's case I wouldn't want to sell if my children have grown up there, made memories there, but ultimately, it is just bricks and mortar, sell it and move on.
 
Associate
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Is it just me that really wouldn't care about the house? If I was unhappy, I'd leave the kids in the house with their mum and agree on spending as much time as possible with them.

.


you say that , but think about it you will be paying too put a roof over your wife's lovers head and he's banging your wife in your bed
 
Soldato
Joined
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In the Gym
Have a look on some escort sites Op.

Hire 2-3 of them just as a one off. Have them come round just before wife gets in. Let her "catch" you in the act, when she gets cross laugh in her face and keep laughing while you go back to the action.


Serious mode:
Agree 50/50 contact THEN go through with sale and keep 50/50. Do not give away ANY of your pension value to her!
 
Permabanned
Joined
15 Apr 2010
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Sell house
Use your half of proceeds to hire hitman to waste both of them
Hit the gym to buff up
Tinder

In all seriousness to the OP, a brutal situation. You need sound legal advice asap to protect yourself until this is done with.

Best of luck
 
Soldato
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Stanley Hotel, Colorado
Hi
My wife has had an affair, do I have any rights regarding the house?
For info we are both owners of the house with only 7 months left on the mortgage.
She wants to sell and she gets half, I don't want to sell but can't buy her out.

Anyone with useful info?
Sorry to hear, but you need a solicitor.

Maybe even more relevant speak to a friendly bank/building society about refinancing the purchase of the entire house just yourself. You can then buy out the ex-wife and she gets her money with no need to argue or pay expensive lawyers.

So in effect you are buying a house with a 50% deposit and presuming you have viable means to repay the debt, I cant see why not actually buy her out.
It has to be a familiar finance situation in this age, I'd avoid extra legal and court fees it wont bring anything in return over a quickie divorce where as a house is useful and worth paying for even if you thought it was already paid for!

*all my personal opinion and unqualified
 
Associate
OP
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The affair could have been for attention from you. You could discuss the reasons for it and if you both want to try, you could work at making a go of it, fresh start. There's obviously something wrong for this to happen.


I have tried to make it work, she wants nothing of it, she says we have drifted apart (nope, only her)

I have asked why, she says she sees me more as a friend, so at least it's not "me" that has caused this.
However she should have ended it instead of jumping into someone else's bed.
 
Sgarrista
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Has she lawyered up yet?

If not maybe angle shoot a deal in your favor.

"Ok you want out, ill give you X from the value of the property, you move out and go live with your new boyfriend, and we get a clean break agreement"

If she says no, then dig in, "ok im not going to agree to it for 5 years, im staying at the property and your boyfriend cant come around ever"

Perhaps the thought of getting a huge was of cash quickly and the ability to move on will work in your favor.

Is the mortgage in joint name or just yours?
 
Caporegime
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I have tried to make it work, she wants nothing of it, she says we have drifted apart (nope, only her)

I have asked why, she says she sees me more as a friend, so at least it's not "me" that has caused this.
However she should have ended it instead of jumping into someone else's bed.

Don’t worry that’s standard behaviour from men and women when their partner stops giving them the tingles, she’ll do the same to the new guy in [insert number of years]

Try not to beat yourself up about it, it’s difficult as a man not to feel inferior somehow, but it happens across the board regardless of how good looking, wealthy and personable said person is.
 
Soldato
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you say that , but think about it you will be paying too put a roof over your wife's lovers head and he's banging your wife in your bed

She wouldn't be my wife anymore and why the hell would I care what she was doing once we'd split in her bed? I'd be off living my life banging her friends :D lol

When did I say i'd still be paying for house anyway? she wants it she can carry on paying for it and I'm coming off the mortgage.


I have tried to make it work, she wants nothing of it, she says we have drifted apart (nope, only her)

I have asked why, she says she sees me more as a friend, so at least it's not "me" that has caused this.
However she should have ended it instead of jumping into someone else's bed.

It happens but yes, she could certainly have handled it a lot better, maybe she saw it as an option that would end it for sure.

You just need to accept it, move on and try and keep things friendly going forwards, make life as simple as you can.
 
Soldato
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Under The Desk, Wales
Just got divorced myself after 31 years together. Been a very rough time. Still is!

Just about ready to complete on selling our house. She has bought another place (which i found for her). I have not found anywhere yet. 3 weeks and i could be homeless as my divorce solicitor said that i must sign the sale contract even though i got nowhere to go to as of yet (desparately searching).
 
Soldato
Joined
22 Nov 2009
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Under the hot sun.
Hi
My wife has had an affair, do I have any rights regarding the house?
For info we are both owners of the house with only 7 months left on the mortgage.
She wants to sell and she gets half, I don't want to sell but can't buy her out.

Anyone with useful info?

Do you want to pursue the "legal course" to try "avenge" her, or discuss like two logical human beings and take separate ways without bitter disagreements?
The choice is yours but I guarantee you the first option is lengthy costing you a lot of money.

I am divorced btw.
 
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