There's a lot of parallels between your situation and mine, except mine broke up after a 26-year relationship, instead of 10.
I had two saving graces though: a) my wife never cheated on me until we were separated (admittedly we don't know that your partner has, but it seems likely) and b) there's enough mutual respect between us that we can handle the divorce proceedings amicably, without it getting personal.
Sounds like the classic is over but I don't want to seem like a ... So I'm offering friendship to help myself accept it.
This old chestnut makes me so ******* angry - they break your heart and then are arrogant enough to assume that you'd actually WANT to remain friends with them. I haven't remained friends with any of my previous partners and hand-on-heart, I honestly can't see me remaining friends with my soon-to-be ex-wife once the dust has settled. Why torture yourself/re-open old wounds? Keep your distance and let those wounds heal ...
Its the lack of care for you in her face that will tell you it's over. Like the last 10 years were now nothing.
Indeed, I've been on the receiving end of this and it hits you like a truck - the person in front of you looks like the person you love, talks like them, but it isn't them and what's missing is the sparkle in the eyes when they used to look at you. It's awful and in my case it made it plain things were over, even though it wasn't confirmed in conversation for another week.
You should prepare to move on and accept the violent emotions coming your way. You'll blame yourself, you'll regret past actions, but eventually you'll discover that it didn't work for a reason.
Eventually, you'll see that.. But now just try to keep yourself busy, and try everything and accept any form of help. Anything that works (if it's positive) is worth trying
Utterly correct - my emotions have been on a rollercoaster since last September and it was only in late January this year that my brain finally overruled my heart and put myself first. It's the hardest thing I've ever had to cope with and I wouldn't wish it on anybody - you'll be in one of three states: tearful, angry and odd moments of normality, but then you'll hear a song or be doing something that sparks a memory and it'll set you off again. Keep posting here if it helps - there are some top people in here who have been through the mill personally and mercifully, there are very few trolls.
Find a regular activity - preferably a completely new one that you didn't do with your partner - and this will do wonders for keeping you sane. It's not for everybody, but in my case it was taking up weight-training again - the self-discipline involved in going to the gym regularly and eating better gave me plenty to keep my mind busy. Additionally, the changes in my body shape are doing wonders for my self-confidence, which was pretty rock-bottom for the latter end of last year.
I'm lucky enough to be emerging out the other side whereas you're only just getting started, but trust me, it does get better and eventually you'll even see it as a positive development - I never thought I'd think that way, but that is 100% how I feel. I'm 49 this year and I have a chance to take my life in a whole new direction.