Dealing with Cancer

[movingtables]

just a progression of my other thread really:

https://forums.overclockers.co.uk/threads/stomach-ulcer.18850421/

TLDR: my dad (74) was diagnosed with stomach cancer last week
In it's early stages (described as evidence of cancers cells around the ulcer) and has not spread.
find out treatment options soon.

I know I'm not the only person to be effected by this disease (cancer).
I think I'm sort of in the limbo stages at the moment as we are yet to hear
treatment options.
Part of me feels sad for my dad, another part feels angry and another part of me
has accepted that he may not make this journey and i need to get used to this idea.

I was just curious if anyone else had gone through these stages, whether you was ill yourself
or a family member.
I'd be interested to hear some personal stories of success and loss and if loss is your story
was it kind of a release of emotions to know the effected person was free of illness/pain.

my dads option will either be surgery to remove part or all of the stomach.
another option would be chemo.
my dad is 74 and i wonder to myself maybe chemo although unpleasant could keep it in check for a few
years instead of major surgery which "may" reduce the quality of the rest of his life.

anyway thanks for listening but would appreciate any replies even if short

 

[NoobCannon]

Hope it all works out and he recovers.

Good luck

 

[movingtables]

Hope it all works out and he recovers.

Good luck

Thank you

 

[Hades]

Sorry to hear the news. Unfortunately I've a lot of experience of cancer; in 2002 my father died of lung cancer with a secondary brain tumor. He had chemo in an attempt to extend his life. In 2011 I managed to beat a stage 1 testicular cancer with surgery and radio therapy and still have regular checkups. They never say you've actually beaten it but it's been so long ago now that I would be surprised if it returns. I posted a long thread on it back in 2011 so I'll try to find that. Now, sadly, my mum is having chemo for terminal cancer of the esophagus, with secondary lung and tonsil tumors, to try to extend her life from months to maybe a year. She was only diagnosed very recently.

My mum's treatment might be most relevant here. She's having three courses of chemo where every course she spends a day having an intravenous treatment at the hospital, followed by daily tablets at home for the rest of the three weeks. She's in the middle of her first round and so far she's finding herself very tired and sick for that first week. But she's been feeling progressively better and in less pain after that. Presumably it will be the same during the next cycle.

So I've a fair bit of experience if you have any questions or just want to PM. Good luck. Hopefully it's treatable as it has been found early. But I understand it's a very difficult time.


EDIT: Here's my thread from 2011:
https://forums.overclockers.co.uk/threads/dont-forget-chaps-check-down-below-occasionally.18325829/

Sadly both of my parents smoked throughout their lives and I attribute their illness to it. They got addicted to it when the risks were not known by most people so I understand it. But anyone who takes it up today is an idiot.


EDIT again: To answer thee question about whether the loss of my dad was a sense of relief; yes it was as he was very ill at the time and we knew there was no possibility of recovery.

 

[jsmoke]

That's harsh to hear, let's hope for the best.

My dad has advanced prostate cancer which has spread to his bones. He gets a hormone injection every few months and takes a variety of pills. It's made me realise how cold I've become as a person as I have little reaction, there's a reaction in me somewhere but buried deep down. Life can tend to make your bury your emotions and if you do that for too long they kind of disappear.

So it's a strange time, I should be more upset or at least something but I'm very neutral. He's a good guy, was a school and college teacher in science, very hard worker and very reasonable person, all his pupils spoke highly of him, giid sense of humour and good at telling stories. I sometimes feel like that generation are/were a different species, so different to me/us in many respects. More fearful, disciplined, church going, respectful, better humour. I could go on and on and on about the better qualities.

 

[Efour]

Pretty sure my mums gonna be diagnosed with cancer next time she goes to see the doc after a MRI scan.... Shes already got over breast cancer.
Oh well, life's a bummer.

 

[movingtables]

Sorry to hear the news. Unfortunately I've a lot of experience of cancer; in 2002 my father died of lung cancer with a secondary brain tumor. He had chemo in an attempt to extend his life. In 2011 I managed to beat a stage 1 testicular cancer with surgery and radio therapy and still have regular checkups. They never say you've actually beaten it but it's been so long ago now that I would be surprised if it returns. I posted a long thread on it back in 2011 so I'll try to find that. Now, sadly, my mum is having chemo for terminal cancer of the esophagus, with secondary lung and tonsil tumors, to try to extend her life from months to maybe a year. She was only diagnosed very recently.

My mum's treatment might be most relevant here. She's having three courses of chemo where every course she spends a day having an intravenous treatment at the hospital, followed by daily tablets at home for the rest of the three weeks. She's in the middle of her first round and so far she's finding herself very tired and sick for that first week. But she's been feeling progressively better and in less pain after that. Presumably it will be the same during the next cycle.

So I've a fair bit of experience if you have any questions or just want to PM. Good luck. Hopefully it's treatable as it has been found early. But I understand it's a very difficult time.


EDIT: Here's my thread from 2011:
https://forums.overclockers.co.uk/threads/dont-forget-chaps-check-down-below-occasionally.18325829/

Sadly both of my parents smoked throughout their lives and I attribute their illness to it. They got addicted to it when the risks were not known by most people so I understand it. But anyone who takes it up today is an idiot.


EDIT again: To answer thee question about whether the loss of my dad was a sense of relief; yes it was as he was very ill at the time and we knew there was no possibility of recovery.

sorry to hear you are so experienced but glad you beat it.
thank you for replying and i hope your mum gets some extra time with you.

 

[movingtables]

That's harsh to hear, let's hope for the best.

My dad has advanced prostate cancer which has spread to his bones. He gets a hormone injection every few months and takes a variety of pills. It's made me realise how cold I've become as a person as I have little reaction, there's a reaction in me somewhere but buried deep down. Life can tend to make your bury your emotions and if you do that for too long they kind of disappear.

So it's a strange time, I should be more upset or at least something but I'm very neutral. He's a good guy, was a school and college teacher in science, very hard worker and very reasonable person, all his pupils spoke highly of him, giid sense of humour and good at telling stories. I sometimes feel like that generation are/were a different species, so different to me/us in many respects. More fearful, disciplined, church going, respectful, better humour. I could go on and on and on about the better qualities.

your current feelings may be related to how you are dealing with the news in a way that presents as cold but you may just be
convincing yourself that it's not really happening because thats how some people cope including myself.

 

[movingtables]

Pretty sure my mums gonna be diagnosed with cancer next time she goes to see the doc after a MRI scan.... Shes already got over breast cancer.
Oh well, life's a bummer.

fingers crossed buddy.

 

[Efour]

fingers crossed buddy.

Yeah it sucks, but I'm so realistic about these things, which makes me seem very cold :/

 

[Cooler running]

You've porbably been told 100 times already, but make sure your Dad feels loved.
Theres nothing worse than feeling alone while going though changing illness.

Best of luck.

 

[RedvGreen]

just a progression of my other thread really:

https://forums.overclockers.co.uk/threads/stomach-ulcer.18850421/

TLDR: my dad (74) was diagnosed with stomach cancer last week
In it's early stages (described as evidence of cancers cells around the ulcer) and has not spread.
find out treatment options soon.

I know I'm not the only person to be effected by this disease (cancer).
I think I'm sort of in the limbo stages at the moment as we are yet to hear
treatment options.
Part of me feels sad for my dad, another part feels angry and another part of me
has accepted that he may not make this journey and i need to get used to this idea.

I was just curious if anyone else had gone through these stages, whether you was ill yourself
or a family member.
I'd be interested to hear some personal stories of success and loss and if loss is your story
was it kind of a release of emotions to know the effected person was free of illness/pain.

my dads option will either be surgery to remove part or all of the stomach.
another option would be chemo.
my dad is 74 and i wonder to myself maybe chemo although unpleasant could keep it in check for a few
years instead of major surgery which "may" reduce the quality of the rest of his life.

anyway thanks for listening but would appreciate any replies even if short

My mum (57) was told she had ovarian cancer stage 4 last September. Literally the same day I picked up my new car (strange way to remember it, right?). She had a huge swollen tummy, severe weight loss, sallow complexion and, we later realized, many other symptoms she didn’t dare think about or think to go to docs about, as she was terrified of her Google results.

My world totally fell out from under me. I’m fairly smart and my medical knowledge is above average and I was just astounded and stunned and helpless in equal measure. She was MY mum, not a fictional TV character.

She needed weekly drains of her abdomen and due to blood clots on her lungs, pulmonary embolism, she needed blood thinners injected into her tummy.

Long story short, she had surgery removing all her lady bits, and they found that the cancer hadn’t spread so didn’t opt for chemotherapy. She’s now totally herself, aside from a latent fear of docs and hospitals now after hearing those horrible words.

So my message to you is: Chin up, stuff may seem dark but there’s always hope ahead

 

[Hades]

You've porbably been told 100 times already, but make sure your Dad feels loved.
Theres nothing worse than feeling alone while going though changing illness.

Best of luck.

Absolutely this. With my mum's illness right now, and her living far away from me, I'm texting or calling her every day. I'll just send her random happy memories from my childhood to show that she did a good job and I appreciate it. Last week she thanked me for "all the love" I was sending.

 

[Hades]

So my message to you is: Chin up, stuff may seem dark but there’s always hope ahead

Also this. There are so many treatments available now.

 

[IainR]

My mother is a breast cancer survivor, she has had a double mastectomy and is 10 years clear.
My father had a kidney removed because there was a suspicious "mark" or "black spot" on it, I think it was early signs of cancer, but he never said as much. This was when I was a bit younger and I don't think he was comfortable using the C word to describe it, because it scared him.
He then did have full blown prostate cancer, caught early, had his prostate out and is doing really well, 3 years later and apart from the usual side effects of having your prostate removed, is again doing really well, back golfing, looking and feeling healthy.
Both my parents are in there early 70's.
Cancer treatments are so much more advanced now, I lost 3/4 of my grandparents to cancer, I'm sure with today's medicine/treatments/early capture available then, they would have lived a bit longer.

Its a hard time for sure, and I wish you and your family all the best, but it is beatable, so stay positive!

 

[esoteric]

Lost both my parents to Cancer, my Mum just 14 months ago. I was emotionally fine the whole way through Dad's ordeal, but when we was at his bedside at the end and he died right there we cried. He had small cell lung cancer and with the treatment he had we enjoyed another year with him.

Mum was a hard stubborn woman, she thought she was just under the weather for who knows how long and would buy over the counter meds for her symptoms and tried toddies, eventually going to the doctors a few times they booked a gastroscopy which she wouldn't go to. Eventually she got so ill she was hospitalized. X-Rays showed masses on her lungs and throat. He throat had closed so much her esophagus was a tiny crescent shaped slit, no wonder she couldn't eat and drink, she weighed less than 6 stone. Her throat was treated by putting in a stent and biopsied which later gave the news of cancer. I don't know all the in's and outs but she refused to get treatment like chemo and resigned to die.

Much like with Dad I was fine, but then when I told work about the situation I cried right there in the managers office. I had 2 more episodes of spontaneous crying while at work. Right near the end my Sister and I was visiting her in the nursing home daily for hours at a time, we went home one evening with plans to go back in the morning but that night was when she died, when we wasn't there. My Sister phoned to tell me the news and she sounded like her normal self, just tired. I was a asleep at the time she phoned and after she hung up I said goodbye Mum I'll miss you and went back to sleep, no tears and no tears when I woke up. If I was there bedside when she died I'm sure I would have.

 

[Hades]

Much like with Dad I was fine, but then when I told work about the situation I cried right there in the managers office. I had 2 more episodes of spontaneous crying while at work. Right near the end my Sister and I was visiting her in the nursing home daily for hours at a time, we went home one evening with plans to go back in the morning but that night was when she died, when we wasn't there. My Sister phoned to tell me the news and she sounded like her normal self, just tired. I was a asleep at the time she phoned and after she hung up I said goodbye Mum I'll miss you and went back to sleep, no tears and no tears when I woke up. If I was there bedside when she died I'm sure I would have.

Very similar here. I've warned my work about my mum's situation but I knew I couldn't talk about it. So I had to email my manager. I actually consider myself a strong person able to cope with bad news. But I just couldn't get the words out without emailing them.

I was there when my dad died. The doctors had told us he was approaching the end and we managed to be there at the time. I held his hand as he died (that's tough to do the first time). About an hour earlier he told me he'd had enough and just wanted to go. So I told the nurses that. I remember starkly that they asked whether I knew what I (and he) was asking and I confirmed I did. About 30 mins later they came around to give him some morphine and very shortly after he died. He knew it was the end but quietly fell asleep. Maybe I'm wrong but to this day I'm convinced they gave him more that his normal dose to help him on his way. There is something else about that event that I do regret though. I don't particularly want to talk about it right now but it's not a mistake I will make with my mum if I have the chance.

I'm 99% fine with what happened to my dad and what is happening to my mum. I absolutely refuse to get upset in front of anyone, especially my family. But every now and then, just occasionally, emotions blind side me.

Unfortunately I'm from from a generation where showing emotions wasn't the 'done thing' and it's stuck with me to this day. I know it's far more acceptable for a man to cry nowadays but 50 years of stoicism have ingrained it in me.

 

[ahar]

was it kind of a release of emotions to know the effected person was free of illness/pain.

Sorry to hear about your dad, hope the treatment goes well.

I lost my dad to a very nasty lung disease last year - the immune system attacks the lungs and you progressively lose capacity till you suffocate. Given the obvious distress he was in, the end came as a blessed relief. Very sad of course, but better sooner rather than later given the challenges he faced.

I'd have helped him get relief early without a thought if that was what he wanted.

 

[RizlaKing]

I've lost multiple family members to cancer my dad died of it last October and soon after we found out another family member has been diagnosed. To be honest how you deal with it will likely be individual to you there sadly isn't a fits all answer on how to deal with it but i'd bet money we all feel the same after the family passes we are relieved that their pain and suffering is over and then in varying degrees a feeling of guilt for being relieved. Take it one day at a time listen to your dad and do what you can love and support counts a lot however things go i wish you and your father all the best and hope you both get the time you want take care mate

 

[Josh]

Cancer is a ****, sorry to hear OP.

Can’t really add anything worthwhile I’m afraid.