Divorce

Soldato
Joined
23 Feb 2004
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3,779
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Manchester
So this coming Christmas is two years since my wife packed her belongings and sought pastures new. It also allows me to apply for a divorce on the grounds of “Abandonment” which saves either party having to sling mud.
I’m not wealthy, but I do own my own apartment, wife never contributed to the mortgage either before or since we have separated, but I am aware that she is still entitled to half. Last thing I want to do is sell my home and lose all I have and potentially end up on the streets.

I have spoken with a family solicitor which has put me off applying because of what I stand to lose, but I also want closure.

What divorce settlements have you guys had to settle for or have you put it off because of what you stand to lose?
 
Soldato
Joined
8 Jun 2013
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4,363
how long were you together? how the **** the law states someone is entitled to half when they never contributed and, by their own terminology, abandoned the relationship, makes me foam.
 
Caporegime
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23 Apr 2014
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Dominating rooms with symmetry
Marriage in insert current year lul

The tour was over before it even began

On a serious note, I’d say you might fare quite well if no children are involved and she can’t evidence any means of financial contribution. Unfortunately though, those who contribute the least often look to seek the most.
 
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NVP

NVP

Soldato
Joined
6 Sep 2007
Posts
12,649
Good luck to you my man, I'd hope it's all found in your favour and done fairly.

If it all goes **** up, I know a guy. Hit me up if you need.
 
Associate
Joined
13 Jan 2004
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1,190
Watching with interest as my brother is going through the same.
Similar experience, house in his name only and only he has paid the mortgage and bills. She has decided she wants it to be over after 3 years marriage however she won't leave the house and is making his life hell.
They've got a 1 year old and his job adds some complexity as he is in the forces and out of the country for 6 months of the year.
He's got his frst appointment with the solicitors tomorrow for some advice.
 
Soldato
Joined
19 Oct 2008
Posts
5,949
Still entitled to half despite not contributing to it? That's just mind boggling. I can understand if children were involved but not this.
I assume it would work the other way around too, or it a sexist thing against men as it's still seen that women contribute to the home in other ways (not working in some cases etc) ? :)

My brother is going through this stuff now. His wife said he can have the house but has reminded him a few times she has put money into it, despite not paying any of the mortgage. A mistake my brother has made was to add a £30k debt his wife had onto the mortgage. She later inherited £100k when her parents died. She gave him the £30k but instead of paying a chunk of the mortgage off he used to to do more work to the house, stuff that has probably added little or no value to the property....and used to to buy other stuff too. So, if she does want half he's basically splashed that £30k up the wall...….
My parents have just had to lend him £2k for a new boiler. Always been rubbish with money now it's biting him in the butt when his wife walked out.
All the best to those here. I've never wanted to get married and seeing how stressed my brother is about everything reminds me I made the right choice :).
 
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Soldato
Joined
9 Jul 2005
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2,588
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High Wycombe
My wife walked out 4 weeks ago, with the kids (2 young ones), after a long period of time of me suffering all manner of her issues, putting up with no end of problems, leaving me in the same position.

I spoke to 1 solicitor who basically said I was screwed and was likely to have to give up 50-70% of everything, and still pay her monthly to maintain her lifestyle (as she doesn't work), then I went to another solicitor, who said that although the law is the law, and does state 50% of everything, it is starting to become fairer and that the starting point for negotiation is 50% of that accrued during the marriage (as per Scottish law) and judges are starting to recognize the unfairness of the system and that they tend to lean towards what is needed, not what is wanted. Most of my assets were from before the marriage and my wife hasn't contributed throughout the marriage (she is actually being quite fair at the moment despite the ***** advice to take me for everything from those ******* at Womens Aid and crap solicitors who just want the money).

We are going to mediation on Thursday so I will tell you how it goes, I am going for a divorce as soon as possible (unreasonable behavior on her part) and I have put together a proposal which at first didn't include my house or my pension but I support her for the next 5 years, my solicitor says this is too generous and the judge will expect mention of the pension so I have amended it so that the extra I am offering is an offset of the pension & house. Its about giving an offer that meets her need, and is fair to both parties.

From all those I have spoken to at work who are divorced (a lot of people!!) and there are mixed stories, but the more recent ones seems better. Mediation is the best way, leading to a consent order via the court - if your wife wants to take you for everything then it will have to go to court and everyone loses except the solicitors. There has been, however nightmare stories, and even if its expensive, get a solicitor because she will!
 
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Caporegime
Joined
7 Nov 2004
Posts
30,194
Location
Buckinghamshire
My wife walked out 4 weeks ago, with the kids (2 young ones), after a long period of time of me suffering all manner of her issues, putting up with no end of problems, leaving me in the same position.

I spoke to 1 solicitor who basically said I was screwed and was likely to have to give up 50-70% of everything, and still pay her monthly to maintain her lifestyle (as she doesn't work), then I went to another solicitor, who said that although the law is the law, and does state 50% of everything, it is starting to become fairer and that the starting point for negotiation is 50% of that accrued during the marriage (as per Scottish law) and judges are starting to recognize the unfairness of the system and that they tend to lean towards what is needed, not what is wanted. Most of my assets were from before the marriage and my wife hasn't contributed throughout the marriage (she is actually being quite fair at the moment despite the ***** advice to take me for everything from those a*****s at Womens Aid and crap solicitors who just want the money).

We are going to mediation on Thursday so I will tell you how it goes, I am going for a divorce as soon as possible (unreasonable behavior on her part) and I have put together a proposal which at first didn't include my house or my pension but I support her for the next 5 years, my solicitor says this is too generous and the judge will expect mention of the pension so I have amended it so that the extra I am offering is an offset of the pension & house. Its about giving an offer that meets her need, and is fair to both parties.

From all those I have spoken to at work who are divorced (a lot of people!!) and there are mixed stories, but the more recent ones seems better. Mediation is the best way, leading to a consent order via the court - if your wife wants to take you for everything then it will have to go to court and everyone loses except the solicitors. There has been, however nightmare stories, and even if its expensive, get a solicitor because she will!

Pension the hell has YOUR pension got to do with her?

Whole system makes my blood boil, it's ridiculous, you couldn't make it up
 
Soldato
Joined
9 Jul 2005
Posts
2,588
Location
High Wycombe
Mate, you wouldn't believe the bias in the law, if it was the other way round there would be many organisations up in arms, but because this is generally against the man, especially with regard to kids, no one cares.
At one point my wife was being advised that I had to make her an owner occupier, and not rent her a place (which I am currently doing), with me moving into essentially a bedsit even though I was going to have 50% parental responsibility and would have no-where for the kids!!
 
Soldato
Joined
9 Jul 2005
Posts
2,588
Location
High Wycombe
How has she supported herself for the last 2 years, this would be good evidence that her need is already being met and as such you can come to an agreement - are you and the wife on speaking terms?
 
Soldato
Joined
17 Mar 2009
Posts
6,589
Location
Nottingham
I'm claiming stupidity here with this suggestion as i genuinely dont know the answer and a quick google doesn't give me the answer. Im sure there's a blatantly obvious way to stop what im querying and i wont be the first to have queried it.

What happens if....

You own the home, the other party never contributed to the mortgage and its in your name only. Could you get a family member to set up a Ltd company and sell the house to the ltd company for a nominal amount so there is next to no assets to distribute
 
Soldato
Joined
9 Jul 2005
Posts
2,588
Location
High Wycombe
nope, would be seen as avoidance and she could get a reversal or stop on the sale. The best way is to negotiate outside of court using the fact it would cost £20k-£40k each to fight it through the courts, money you then both wouldn't then have.
 
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