Divorce

Caporegime
Joined
21 Jun 2006
Posts
38,372
So this coming Christmas is two years since my wife packed her belongings and sought pastures new. It also allows me to apply for a divorce on the grounds of “Abandonment” which saves either party having to sling mud.
I’m not wealthy, but I do own my own apartment, wife never contributed to the mortgage either before or since we have separated, but I am aware that she is still entitled to half. Last thing I want to do is sell my home and lose all I have and potentially end up on the streets.

I have spoken with a family solicitor which has put me off applying because of what I stand to lose, but I also want closure.

What divorce settlements have you guys had to settle for or have you put it off because of what you stand to lose?

re-mortgage the property and leave 5-10% equity in there. buy bitcoin and hide it away.

tell solicitor you invested in bitcoin and someone hacked your email and stole it all.

profit.
 
Caporegime
Joined
21 Jun 2006
Posts
38,372
I was married for a short period of time. The strongest advice I could ever offer anyone is to try and sort things without it getting ugly and lawyers involved.

My ex was naive and did whatever the Solicitors told her to do. In the end we spent £350,000 on solicitors fees, And my ex-wife ended up getting around 65% less than I offered her in the first place Plus I got a cost order (which is Very rare in family Court)

I'm imagining you as being older, average to ugly looking and filthy rich. She is younger, much better looking and essentially a gold digger with average or below average income.

Above isn't meant to cause offence but it's such a cliche. How long did the marriage last. Short period of time is so vague. Could mean months or years.
 
Associate
Joined
2 Jan 2007
Posts
1,976
If someone does get a divorce, what is the actual cut off date for them claiming money after the divorce. Surely theres a point in time when its settled, the other person is free to earn money and not have to split it any further. I'm told they have to sign a disclaimer and until they do all money is potentially up for 50% split even after a divorce, I guess this is because of kids that its so open but I'm not talking costs but lump sum concerns. Im not married or divorced myself, just all seems fairly bonkers. I think its Hawaii or somewhere if you get married there its fair more plainly just 50% of money during a marriage only.

That's a clean break order. Until you have one of those you are financially tied or vulnerable to claims. But there can be a maintenance clause in there that means you pay x'% until (for eg.) kids are of certain ages.
 
Soldato
Joined
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Royston, Herts
I've never understood clean break orders. My ex-wife remarried after a couple of years (and did I), her and her new hubby (lovely guy - I feel so sorry for him as I know she's already cheated on him) and our son will soon leave home. We've been upfront with each other throughout but if I get a big lump sum in a will she still could claim on it? Even after we divorced a decade ago? It's just an odd concept.
 
Soldato
Joined
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London
I'm imagining you as being older, average to ugly looking and filthy rich. She is younger, much better looking and essentially a gold digger with average or below average income.

Above isn't meant to cause offence but it's such a cliche. How long did the marriage last. Short period of time is so vague. Could mean months or years.

hah. I was 29 when I got married, not rich but comfortable with nice house and cars, we where both doctors, met in Med school, I’m not bad looking she was average looking, A little overweight, From a wealthy family and private school educated.

married 3 years, no kids.

But Current partner is significantly better looking than me and a lot younger lol.
 
Associate
Joined
6 Feb 2009
Posts
1,429
If someone does get a divorce, what is the actual cut off date for them claiming money after the divorce. Surely theres a point in time when its settled, the other person is free to earn money and not have to split it any further. I'm told they have to sign a disclaimer and until they do all money is potentially up for 50% split even after a divorce, I guess this is because of kids that its so open but I'm not talking costs but lump sum concerns. Im not married or divorced myself, just all seems fairly bonkers. I think its Hawaii or somewhere if you get married there its fair more plainly just 50% of money during a marriage only.

Sorry, nothing to do with divorce. Wish all the peeps going through this **** all the best.

Silversurfer, I thought wow, nice car that (in your sig)... clicked on the car and was taken to a great song. My find of the day! Thank you. :)
 
Last edited:
Caporegime
Joined
17 Feb 2006
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Cornwall
I'm thinking that fair disclosure of commenter limitations applies to this thread.

As in:

'I've never been married, divorced, and / or have kids...but my opinion based on NO experience is...'
Zero first hand experience here (already said that earlier in the thread btw).

I just talk to people, occasionally. And sometimes even listen to what they're saying. Sometimes :p

The thing about us humans is we often share what's going on in our lives with other people :p Of course you rarely hear from both sides, but you can for sure see all the ways that divorce screws some people over. Sometimes people in your own family, no? Sometimes your close friends. It's not exactly uncommon and we will all know stacks of people who have gone through a messy divorce.

6 degrees of bacon or something they call it?

Anyway, I take it you will only use a divorce lawyer who has been married and divorced, to be sure they have relevant experience? :p
 

RxR

RxR

Soldato
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Australia
FoxEye, I was going to preface that post with:

"Before anyone is tempted to throw insults in an already difficult situation based on idealism..."

And it just so happened my family law solicitor had been divorced herself, though she wasn't selected on that basis, since obviously she was competent enough to sustain a professional career in that field for over 15 years
 
Soldato
Joined
10 Mar 2003
Posts
6,743
I've never understood clean break orders. My ex-wife remarried after a couple of years (and did I), her and her new hubby (lovely guy - I feel so sorry for him as I know she's already cheated on him) and our son will soon leave home. We've been upfront with each other throughout but if I get a big lump sum in a will she still could claim on it? Even after we divorced a decade ago? It's just an odd concept.

I may be wrong but I'm sure I read somewhere if you re-marry (either party) then your liabilities are between you and your new partner and not the old one (i.e. enforcing a clean break almost).

I'll try and dig it out when I have a second.


M.
 
Soldato
Joined
18 Oct 2002
Posts
5,280
I may be wrong but I'm sure I read somewhere if you re-marry (either party) then your liabilities are between you and your new partner and not the old one (i.e. enforcing a clean break almost).

I'll try and dig it out when I have a second.


M.

This is also my understanding. You legally become someone else’s problem if you’ve made the decision to get hitched again. The only difference would be if there is some kind of financial agreement in place from the previous marriage.
 

Ev0

Ev0

Soldato
Joined
18 Oct 2002
Posts
14,152
When my father got divorced from his second wife it all went to court as she was claiming for half of everything.

She never worked or contributed financially , think it was around 5k the court said she could have and that was it (house wasn’t worth a huge amount but still 50% of that was a lot more than 5k!).
 
Don
Joined
17 May 2004
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Telford, Shropshire
I have just divorced my wife of 30 years. I have no clue on how to re-mortgage a house, what is the best plan of action?

Not as easy as that; you need to be transferred into sole ownership of the property, proving you can afford the mortgage etc. If she's named on the mortgage you'll have to go through mediation and decide on a figure between yourselves. If you can do this without going through solicitors then it's better, but always prepare for this to go messy.

It's ridiculous that she can get some of the mortgage money off you without paying a penny. It just doesn't make sense. It's almost like not buying a lottery ticket but winning the lottery. It just doesn't add up.

Yup, sucks. Law doesn't just take money put into the property. For us guys, we're usually worse of.
 
Soldato
Joined
29 May 2012
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Location
Dorset
Got divorced a few years back, wife decided to leave and at that point she took with her half the savings account and some furniture

2 years later she applied for divorce and claimed the option of all assets already being split and no financial aspects needed to be dealt with, done dusted I kept the house that I'd paid for and all was good.

My suggestion if shes already split and has been happy for the last few years just send her the papers and see what happens she may just sign them job done
 
Soldato
Joined
9 Jul 2005
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High Wycombe
In some parts I agree with the law, it makes no distinction between the breadwinner and the homemaker - you were part of a team that enabled the mortgage to be paid - my wife did (in some part) allow me to work harder, thus get promoted and earn more money. I don't agree that they should get equal share (or more) if you can prove that she did not live up to her end of that partnership - and I think this should be key to the settlement, unfortunately I don't think the courts see it that way!
 
Soldato
OP
Joined
23 Feb 2004
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Location
Manchester
Thought I would reignite my original post.

It is 5 years now since my wife did a runner, and I’ve proposed to my current partner, so I need to move forward with getting a divorce. I kept putting off going any further with divorce proceedings for various reasons.

I contacted my wife by email because it’s the only contact details I have for her, and to my surprise she responded. That’s when I slipped in the idea of a divorce, initially she didn’t respond, but after I offered to pay for her legal fees and a final cash settlement, she replied. She agreed to a divorce, but wants far more than my offer. Trouble is she knows I sold my previous property and made a decent profit on it. I explained that the money I got, paid off my mortgage and allowed me to use the balance to purchase my new home. The new property I am buying is 50/50 with my new girlfriend, so I don’t if my wife has a claim or not.

I don’t know where my wife lives, so I assumed from what I have read that sending divorce papers would be difficult, but I believe an application can be made to send the papers by email. All this is well and good, finding common ground on a financial standpoint may be a bit more challenging.
 
Associate
Joined
3 Aug 2015
Posts
989
Thought I would reignite my original post.

It is 5 years now since my wife did a runner, and I’ve proposed to my current partner, so I need to move forward with getting a divorce. I kept putting off going any further with divorce proceedings for various reasons.

I contacted my wife by email because it’s the only contact details I have for her, and to my surprise she responded. That’s when I slipped in the idea of a divorce, initially she didn’t respond, but after I offered to pay for her legal fees and a final cash settlement, she replied. She agreed to a divorce, but wants far more than my offer. Trouble is she knows I sold my previous property and made a decent profit on it. I explained that the money I got, paid off my mortgage and allowed me to use the balance to purchase my new home. The new property I am buying is 50/50 with my new girlfriend, so I don’t if my wife has a claim or not.

I don’t know where my wife lives, so I assumed from what I have read that sending divorce papers would be difficult, but I believe an application can be made to send the papers by email. All this is well and good, finding common ground on a financial standpoint may be a bit more challenging.
Glad you have moved on with your life and reset.

As for the divorce, I may of spoke and got some advice from a solicitor first based on the sale of your property etc.

Its good to hear that although through pain, out the other side positives for yourself.
 
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