Parental controls.

[balanceballs]

I am curious to see what other parents are doing with regards to parental controls for their children.

In this modern world where the average teenager has access to many internet-enabled devices, I am finding it quite difficult to balance any parental controls I choose to apply. This is not only because of the massive variations in capability between devices but also the different parenting styles.

I feel like I've gone over the top a bit, but I still don't think that my 14 year old should be playing GTAV or watching shows like 'Narcos' or 'Sex Education'. Therefore I have applied a pin lock or some level of parental controls to just about everything that I can. This includes: Netflix, Amazon prime, mobile phones, xbox, smart tv, Sky TV. I know that he can just go to his mates houses and watch things but that's something I can live with. A lot of the time if he asks me to watch something which is 15 rated or whatever, I will check it out first and if the device lets me (most don't have this feature!) I will let him watch it, or watch with him.

Games are more contentious. The Xbox system is quite good as I can allow specific games. So he's got CODMW, but hasn't got GTAV, for example. It is just a constant battle though. Only a few years ago he pretty much only had games rated at 12, with a couple of 'pegi 16' games. This wasn't enough though and through many, many arguments and the softer parent making me give in, he has now got access to quite a few 18 rated titles. This still doesn't seem to be enough though and it's really frustrating to hash it out all the time about what he's allowed/isn't allowed. Not to mention what his friends allegedly can or can't do. And don't get me started on mobile phones. All I'll say is that Android does it better than Apple in this regard, by a long way.

I also spend a LOT of time talking to him about what he wants to play/watch/listen to. For me it's about making him understand that it's for his benefit and not to punish him. I also encourage him to be honest with me and ask questions, if he does comes across something "inappropriate". As a result of some open and honest communications, we have some good talks and I think it helps us both. Certain restrictions have been relaxed as well. He has even suggested tying it down a bit more as well so it works both ways. However there is definitely a bit of a trust issue developing as he gets older which I am keen to resolve, hence this post.

As a point of reference, I came of age in the early 90s. I had virtually unlimited access to the internet via dialup. However, this was a time when the internet was not even close to what it is now. Waiting 5 minutes for a picture to load, etc. Yet I still stumbled across loads of stuff that haunts me to this day either on my own or round a mate's house. I guess it didn't do me much harm overall but still, we all want to protect our kids don't we? My parents literally had no idea what I was doing on the computer.

My parents have also told me that it was a similar story in terms of parental controls and me wanting to do things the older kids were when I was growing up, but it's not the same as it is now. I wanted to watch horror movies, but unless I was able to procure a fake ID, look 10 years older and make my way to Blockbusters, or stay up late enough to catch a movie on TV in the one TV in the house, I was out of luck. Unless I could get a dodgy VHS off that one kid at school. Now it's all available instantly from the comfort of your bed.

Am I over protective? Where do I draw the line, or should I just drop all the parental control stuff and let him figure it out? I don't see that going well but I am interested in other parent's opinions.

 

[Energize]

I think I was playing GTA when I was maybe 8?

Restricting stuff like Narcos as well I'd tend to agree with you that you are being a bit overzealous.

 

[balanceballs]

I think I was playing GTA when I was maybe 8?

Ok... so what's your point? Also, which GTA game was it? If it was GTAV when it was released in 2013, that'd make you about 15 years old and therefore I'm not really after your opinion

 

[Energize]

Ok... so what's your point? Also, which GTA game was it? If it was GTAV when it was released in 2013, that'd make you about 15 years old and therefore I'm not really after your opinion

It was GTA II and then III when I was maybe 13. But with that abrasive attitude I don't feel like discussing further.

 

[balanceballs]

It was GTA II and then III when I was maybe 13. But with that abrasive attitude I don't feel like discussing further.

It's not abrasive, I just don't see any value in asking opinions of 15 year olds about parental controls. They're almost all going to be against the idea, aren't they? My post is targeted at other parents

Also you need to remember that GTA2 (top down) and GTA3 (basic 3d graphics) are NOT even close to GTAV in terms of graphical fidelity or even their content, so it's very difficult to compare.

 

[LizardKing]

It's not abrasive, I just don't see any value in asking opinions of 15 year olds about parental controls. They're almost all going to be against the idea, aren't they? My post is targeted at other parents

Also you need to remember that GTA2 (top down) and GTA3 (basic 3d graphics) are NOT even close to GTAV in terms of graphical fidelity or even their content, so it's very difficult to compare.

Considering Energize has been on the forums since 2004 i cant see him being 15

GTA1/2 vs GTA5 tbf its relative to the era, there was nothing like gta at the time it was released so could be considered just as inappropriate for a 15 year old back then as gta5 is to a 15 year old of today. (sexual stuff aside mind!, though there was still leisure suit larry )

back to the topic, as a parent to a 11 year old i hear you! you could lock it all down and he will learn to bypass it all setting in motion a career in IT (worked for me!) i've found talking to be the most effective with some element of blocking/restricting where possible to at least make it less likely for stuff to be happened across, though the hormones of a teenager have yet to come home to roost just yet.

 

[Nitefly]

I don’t have children, but I suppose you ultimately have to raise them well and trust they will act sensibly. Otherwise you run the risk of being overzealous, as you have identified.

If I had a child at the age of 14, I can’t see myself being too troubled with access to mainstream films and TV shows, but I would worry about the seedier and otherwise darker sides of the internet (I’m not a prude but I think pornography is a bit of an ‘unspoken menace’ to mental wellbeing).

As for GTA 2 - I’m pretty sure there was a mission where you took a bunch of school children to a hot dog factory to be killed.... I mean it was pretty ****ing dark!

 

[Ugley_Matt]

My 8 and 11 girls both love GTA5. RDR2, Minecraft, Sims, Roblox and TikTok I have the family control on their mobile phones so they cannot spend money but they watch youtube most of the time.

They know right from wrong, they know the different between games and real life. They know what is unacceptable language.

 

[Mrs Seabiscuit]

I think once a child goes to highschool they are exposed to all manner of things from other children that a parent may prefer them not to be. At 14 I would say that its teaching the child right from wrong and what is acceptable and unacceptable. As Ugley Matt pointed out its teaching what is real life and what is games.

If you shelter a child from the world they will most likely go wild once they turn 18.

*just a note has GD been overrun with mumsnet users lately?

 

[wildman]

I think once a child goes to highschool they are exposed to all manner of things from other children that a parent may prefer them not to be. At 14 I would say that its teaching the child right from wrong and what is acceptable and unacceptable. As Ugley Matt pointed out its teaching what is real life and what is games.

If you shelter a child from the world they will most likely go wild once they turn 18.

*just a note has GD been overrun with mumsnet users lately?

the highlighted part is so true. In my first year at uni (a long time ago now), there was this one kid in our halls whose parents had never let him drink an alcoholic drink, watch certain things on TV or even play Doom (the original one not the remake). He was quite open in tellingus this and how he was going to enjoy his new found freedoms. By the end of the first semester he was bordering alcoholism and had a massive drug problem to the point that his tutor and the head of his faculty had to get his parents to take him to rehab and let him repeat his first year the following year.

Trying to be overly protective is worse than letting them have some freedoms as they will literally just go nuts once they get their freedom at 18 and that will be infinitely worse than letting them play GTAV at the age of 13/14

 

[adam cool dude]

The only restrictions I set on my 12 year old is game time and what hours she can play Xbox live.

 

[chroniclard]

Use MS Family to set game time limits and opendns to restrict websites. Thats about it. 12 year old son plays GTAV however its only online with his mates(they all play it) he isnt interested in the story mode where the majority of the unsuitable stuff resides. Daughter who is 9 only plays Roblox.

 

[BowdonUK]

I'm not a parent but been around gaming since the start.

In todays world I think its better to teach them what is real and what is fiction. I've noticed a lot of kids (and young adult) seem to have difficulty telling the difference. Obviously block websites were the main point is 18+ activity. But the rest I think is better talking about things and remembering how you were when you played games.

There can be bad people everywhere in life. The trick is to teach the kids to recognise those bad people and shut them down.

 

[MrWhippy]

Pfsense box and managed switch. Kids PCs and ipads are on a seperate vlan, pfsense rules shut it down between 10pm and 7am. Kids vlan has it's own kids pihole which defers to opendns which has family shield settings enabled.

I try to remember to test it weekly as the set up came unstuck once (don't know how) and the family shield settings weren't being applied. We found out because we periodically check the kids browser history and they have penalties (long IT ban) if history is wiped. Don't think they've twigged about selective history deleting.

Also, IT time is earned via chores and homework and is limited in duration. Might be an hour and a half some days, might be three hours another day. Occasional blow out days (in school hols) when we'll let 'em have very long sessions but the day after, we'll be pointing out to them how grumpy they are and why.

Kids are 12 and 13.

Edit: I set up the pfsense / vlan basically because a couple of weeks into a plusnet contract, I realised how broken their parental controls are. Almost at the end of the contract and might switch back to virgin for a cheap fast deal. If so, might take all this out as VM's parental controls were always up to the job when we were with them before.

 

[Guest2]

I found my dads porno mags I think when I was 11, so in 1995 and a low quality VHS of some hardcore labelled "back to the future" If I had current day internet at that age, wow. It would have been incredible!
GTA, Postal, Kingpin and other 18 rated games I was maybe 12 or 13 when I played them

I do not have kids but am under similar opinion as others where if you shelter them from 18 rated stuff in the early teens, it could be worse when they are 18 and go on a dark web binge or something. 14 is old enough to know the difference between right and wrong, 10 and less I would say is not

 

[DanTheMan]

Anecdotally, it was always the kids that were the most sheltered growing up that turned out to be the least street savvy / worldly as they got older. I'd rather go down the route of educating my daughter about the reasons why things in life are the way they are instead of hiding them from her.

Boys naturally seem more curious than girls so I don't know if I'd do it differently if I had a son. Most kids will be exposed to all sorts of stuff through friendship circles anyway and it ends up being a losing battle.

I suppose if I had concerns that my child was exposing themselves to too much violence / sex / whatever and it was having a negative impact on them, I'd probably be more proactive in stopping them having access to it.

As weird as it sounds, I think the fact that I was exposed to all sorts of weird and wonderful stuff as I came of age in the late 99s / early 2000s has been more beneficial than harmful to me. It definitely shaped my moral compass for the better.

 

[MatsyLR]

As someone without kids I probably have a naïve view on the whole parental controls thing.
Apart from blocking websites that are 18+ for a reason, I don't see the point in restricting access. If your kid want's to get somewhere, they WILL get to it, there's plenty of easy work arounds for any parental controls you can apply. Same for games, doesn't matter what the suggested age is.

I'd only go as far as restricting device access to family rooms until they have proven they are responsible and no devices after a certain time. Once they can have devices in their room for a short time I'd keep an eye on whatever they are looking at without supervision remotely to see if they can be trusted.

Just pay attention to what they are doing and take an interest in what they are looking/watching, talk to them about stuff.

I don't think I would care if they came across something that I don' think is suitable (to a point) there's no point hiding them from the world as long as a suitable discussion is had about it.

 

[Guest2]

I don't think I would care if they came across something that I don' think is suitable (to a point) there's no point hiding them from the world as long as a suitable discussion is had about it.

I had in my head the discussion the parents on South Park had with their kids when they found the Backdoor 'ladies' 9 VHS and Butters watched it

 

[Greebo]

I think people worry too much nowadays. Yes limit the really extreme stuff but as for the rest I don't see the point.

I am of the generation where it was perfectly legal for me to go and watch jaws at the cinema when I was 8.

Watched loads of 18 movies on VHS from late teens, we had channel 4 red triangle porn/extreme violence films on TV before parents could even put parental controls on things when I was 15.