Engagement questions

[AnastieByte]

First marriage
1) Yes as it was expected 36 years ago!
2) Cheap one she picked around £100
3) No down on one knee job. I think from memory we sat watching TV talking about marriage and it was agreed from there. Quite unromantic
Marriage lasted 10 years exactly. as we knew things weren’t going well for the last two years and agreed to separate the day after our 10th wedding anniversary

Second marriage
1) No we had been living together for 7 years so he just thought we would one day!
2) We had one made individually made. Supposedly at the time they made our two wedding rings out of the same piece of white gold too. It wasn’t planned but it worked out around a months salary
3) During a moment of passion

 

[D.P.]

1) by email to aid translation and time zone complexity. Nothing lengthy, just stszte why you love her so much and put of respect you want to let him know your intentions and that you will always look after his princess etc.
2). forget percentage, just pay whatever you feel is right. i paid about 0.3% of an annual salary but so what. Also, buy online from large independent diamond wholsellors. The ring i picked would have been 6-10K on the high street, i paid a tiny fraction of that

 

[tom_e]

1. Didn't because I'd be liable to kill him if I'm ever within reaching distance.
2. 1%
3. With a McDonalds coke and a Haribo ring in the living room after I'd emerged from what in hindsight was probably a week of suffering from Covid and just about had the energy to stand.

 

[Bassmansam]

I got engaged 3 weeks ago

1) no
2£300
3) been together 15 years and have spoken about it regularly. We went to Brighton abd chose a ring and that confirmed our engagement so to speak.

 

[Murf]

1) My father in law doesn't get to decide what my wife does and doesn't do, so I didn't ask.
2) £300, it was what she wanted. She's not a fan of diamonds and sapphire rings aren't expensive.
3) In our hotel room at Malta after we returned from an evening at a nice restaurant. I'd asked the hotel staff to leave a bottle of champagne on ice in the room. Nothing expensive, but it was the gesture that counted.

 

[booyaka]

1 - nope - he doesn't say a lot at the best of times but I knew she wasn't bothered about it either
2 - Think it was about £600 or something (20 years ago) - no budget was in mind, she picked what she liked. Picked the next day after I proposed.
3 - Drunk after a night out with her and all our friends - borrowed my mates ring he wore and used that to propose at about 2am back at her parents house whilst eating pizza/chips.... Super romantic.

 

[Nitefly]

1) Assuming you asked her Dad for his blessing, how did you go about this?

I called him.

2) In terms of the proportion of gross annual salary at the time, how much was the ring?

Oof, it was a lot! 13% of gross salary. Interesting how it came about because from shopping around, I quickly became disinterested with the idea of buying a sparkly diamond ‘just because’. I wanted to buy something ‘earthly’ and ‘real’ and it just so happens that I found a designer and style that I decided was ‘the best’ and I wasn’t going to settle for less. I don’t even know the carat of the diamonds that are in it

Since they are all completely bespoke and one off / can’t be easily resized, you are talking a little bit a lottery with ordering something bespoke and unconventional like that. There were minor aspects of the final ring that were not how I envisaged, which at the time irked me because I had very specific minutia in mind. I then had the same experience with my wedding band, which had microscopic minutia that bothered me when it finally arrived.

I now love both. The point being, if you go down that road and are having things made that are bespoke, accept there will be minor variances to what you envisage in your mind (which is obviously inevitable).

3) How did you propose?

Went to a spot we go to each year (Westonbirt Arboretum) and proposed under some lovely trees. At the time she was exclaiming great delight at the pretty leaves she was picking up off the ground, which was a moment I found her to be particularly beautiful.

 

[Yaayuh!]

1. I didn't
2. Really? Don't listen to De Beers . If you must, get something temporary and let her choose and/or go to 77Diamonds and get something quality that you can easily afford, you don't have to go mad. It's worth/value should sentimental rather than monetary.
3. At Pentire point, Polzeath, Cornwall. Annoyingly, on a windy day

 

[dl8860]

1) For reasons I can't remember, the time I was going to talk to him didn't work out, so the only chance I had to do it before planned proposal date was while I was over at theirs and wildly hungover. I basically crawled into his study. I don't remember actually whether I asked him or told him of my plans, felt like a bit of both. For people who say it's too old fashioned, I think it's just a polite notice thing. You aren't strictly asking for permission, you're just letting him know ahead of time, and giving him a chance to give you some words of advice/warning etc. It's just a respectful gesture.

2) Was around 1 month post-tax salary. Nice simple solitaire ring.

3) Went to see a performance at Shakespeare's globe on the southbank then proposed on the millennium bridge.

 

[Semple]

I'm obviously looking for ideas in preparation for my own proposal so keep them coming...

Don't overthink it too much! Go with something she would like. I.e. if she hates public attention then asking her in the middle of a busy place wouldn't go down well

1) I did ask her dad, just popped round one day when the MIL was out and just said i've gotta ask you something and whipped out this ring box.
2) I think it was round about 6 weeks salary
3) Had a weekend away, and just popped the question in our hotel room

 

[Macky]

Nothing to contribute *yet*. But it's nice to read these and they've made me smile with their variety!

 

[MookJong]

1. No didn't ask, I knew him well by that stage and knew he would have no issues.

2. I bought the ring I liked the best within a reasonable price. You can spend a fortune on a crap looking ring, get one that looks classy and will still look nice when she is 50 or 60. I went for a Canadian Ice classic solitaire cut in a platinum set. No regrets she absolutely loved it, no gimmicks so it will never be out of fashion and will always look good.

3. Had the ring hidden with me on a 14 night holiday in Italy, on the last night of the holiday before going back to the hotel, I walked her down to the waterfront and popped the question. She was so shocked. I hadn't told another soul I was going to propose, not my own parents, nobody. It was so great and makes me smile just thinking about it now.

 

[chroniclard]

1. Didnt ask
2. Roughly a months salary
3. Didnt propose, too beta, just told her.

 

[GuitarGuy]

1) She still expected it, so I did so

2) I was very lucky on this one, a long while before we ever got to a proposal we were watching something on TV about some bride in the states that had an expectation of a 20k engagement ring minimum and swmbo immediately started ranting about the absurdity of that and told me to never spend more than a couple of hundred on a ring so as per Mattx2 I ended up buying a swarovski ring, also promptly (2 months later) replaced with a real white gold and diamond ring due to the really poor quality and durability of the swarovski!

3) We were supposed to take a holiday to Istanbul and the plan was to propose whilst there, when we booked the flights I told her to check if she needed a visa or anything as I'm dual national Turkish & UK passport holder. She never did, and didn't realise her ID card wasnt sufficient and would've needed a passport, the realisation was whilst trying to check in - the night before the 7am flight , lot of tears, lot of disappointment as it was a major holiday we'd been planning for months, we cancelled her ticket and got her a ticket to go see her parents and to apply for her passport and I carried on to Istanbul the following morning but not before us finding ourselves laughing about the situation at 2am in bed, I realised then that if we could laugh together at a time like that, we'd be fine no matter what so then and there I proposed.

As it happens I reproposed later on with the new ring at the butterfly farm in stratford upon avon after a boat ride up the river and before a wonderful meal at lamb on sheep street. She was happy - or so she said

TLDR: Even if everything goes pete tong, don't panic!

 

[nightwish]

1.) I didn't. For those who did, what would have you done if he'd said no?
2.) Around 2K for the 3 rings, which would have been a little under a months salary at the time. But we got it done at cost, custom made (based on her design, based on the stand-in ring - see below) in the the jewellry quarter in Birmingham. (The guy owed her Dad a favour!)
3.) Under a tree, by the river, on a summer's day in Chatsworth park. Didn't really plan it, so didn't have the real ring, so bought a £5 stand-in in the garden center, which she liked so much, she got the real ring custom made based on that design (see above!)

 

[dl8860]

1.) I didn't. For those who did, what would have you done if he'd said no?

You aren't asking for permission, you're asking for his blessing. If he says no then you marry her anyway, and he's made a statement about you that you are probably better off knowing than not knowing.

And if he says no, it would have been equally if not more awkward if you hadn't asked in the first place.

 

[GuitarGuy]

1.) I didn't. For those who did, what would have you done if he'd said no?

Shotgun wedding / eloping

 

[MissChief]

I think asking the Dad for permission is very outdated. His blessing? Sure. Actual permission? She’s not a possession of his.

 

[Semple]

You can spend a fortune on a crap looking ring, get one that looks classy and will still look nice when she is 50 or 60.

This is a good point for anyone who hasn't yet done their research.

Buying the biggest you can afford will just look ****. She would definitely not want a 1ct diamond ring if it's cloudy and yellowing (lower end of the scale) as it would stand out as looking cheap from a mile away.

Also when i was looking at different types of colour and clarity (can't remember the ranges now) don't go for the *best* as to the untrained eye, you wouldn't even notice what you'd paid an extra £1500 for. You look at the ones just outside of the top range where to untrained eyes they still look very clear and no colouring in the diamond.

 

[Skidder]

1) Assuming you asked her Dad for his blessing, how did you go about this?

2) In terms of the proportion of gross annual salary at the time, how much was the ring?

3) How did you propose?

1) asked him while we were digging a hole in my garden.

2) this is marketing blather from the jewellery industry to get you to spend a lot. It is total nonsense and not the way anyone should think. Why should there be some sort of linear rule of thumb that you are obliged to follow in this regard. It is utterly ridiculous. Spend what you feel you can afford for what you both like and don't be a puppet. Likewise, don't make the subsequent wedding a keeping up with the jones' excercise.

3) got emotional, got it out of the way quickly as I didn't want to ruin my evening feeling tense about it, naused it up massively, you have nothing to learn from me there