OcUK Hivemind, am I in the wrong?

Dirk Diggler · 3 Dec 2020 at 09:55

Dis86 said:
Getting some flak on this one but I can't grasp that I'm in the wrong.

I have a sister, my partner has a brother. Both have their own partners. Each year at Christmas we alternate between our parents for Christmas Dinner.

For example, this year we are due at my parents, my sister at her partners parents and my partners brother at their parents.

Everyone is happy. Everyone has family there for Christmas Dinner.

This year however my partners brother has decided last minute he's not going to spend it with his parents. This means they'll be alone.

My partner has asked if we could have them round at ours, no problem except my mum suffers severe social anxiety, particularly when eating. This therefore means my mum is either going to have a nightmare of a time or can't come.

I've therefore said we shouldn't change the plans and pattern that has been in place for years. She's kicking off with me saying I'm being selfish and making her parents have to have Dinner alone.

I think her brother is the one at fault in this scenario.

Who's right? Is there an alternative?

You're right, it's her brother that has moved the goal posts and now expecting you to solve the issue.

Burned_Alive · 3 Dec 2020 at 10:52

What is the reason for her brother not wanting to spend Christmas with them?

sanaxe1 · 3 Dec 2020 at 10:59

Do your parents live close to her parents!? Accept going to her parents house. Stay a while and say your popping to the toilet. Then jump in your car and see your parents for a while and say your just getting their present you have left in your car and back to the partners parents you go. Keep this up until you run out of ideas to leave or they got suspicious. I've seen this work in films and TV shows so I'm 78% sure you will be able to pull it off.

Dis86 · 3 Dec 2020 at 11:46

sanaxe1 said:
Do your parents live close to her parents!? Accept going to her parents house. Stay a while and say your popping to the toilet. Then jump in your car and see your parents for a while and say your just getting their present you have left in your car and back to the partners parents you go. Keep this up until you run out of ideas to leave or they got suspicious. I've seen this work in films and TV shows so I'm 78% sure you will be able to pull it off.

Not really, about 30 miles apart I'm afraid! Plus I can only really fit in one Christmas Dinner.

Dis86 · 3 Dec 2020 at 11:46

Burned_Alive said:
What is the reason for her brother not wanting to spend Christmas with them?

Just spending it at home with his partner and kid.

Stu999 · 3 Dec 2020 at 12:00

wingman said:
B-B-B-B-B-BUT TRADITIONSSS!

Ban Christmas TBH

Psycho Sonny · 3 Dec 2020 at 12:00

Burned_Alive said:
What is the reason for her brother not wanting to spend Christmas with them?

Does that even matter?

For example if you had a tradition of going to one set of parents one year then another the other. Should you be obliged to do that forever even if you have alternative options available?

We are talking about grown adults here. Can her parents not spend it alone for once? Or alternatively invite someone else over like friends or alternative family.

There are options available.

They could even go out for the day for Christmas no need to spend it at home. Restaurants traditionally open on Christmas day for example.

The brother is not in the wrong if anyone it's his partner for saying her parents can't be alone for a day.

They should be in a care home if that's the case.

The other option is to tell his mum to eat food before they arrive. Or after they have gone or both.

Also if her anxiety is that bad does she spend every day in her home and never have company over?

Roar87 · 3 Dec 2020 at 12:13

You know you aren't in the wrong, you don't need to come here for confirmation

Dis86 · 3 Dec 2020 at 12:18

Roar87 said:
You know you aren't in the wrong, you don't need to come here for confirmation

I really didn't. The way she was going on i was thinking I must be missing something!

Burned_Alive · 3 Dec 2020 at 13:13

Psycho Sonny said:
Does that even matter?

Just being nosy

james.miller · 3 Dec 2020 at 13:14

Dis86 said:
Not really, about 30 miles apart I'm afraid! Plus I can only really fit in one Christmas Dinner.

A whole half hour's drive? :eek:

Dis86 · 3 Dec 2020 at 13:15

james.miller said:
A whole half hour's drive?

More like an hour but seeing as that's not conductive for sneaking between the two...

james.miller · 3 Dec 2020 at 13:17

Dis86 said:
More like an hour but seeing as that's not conductive for sneaking between the two...

A whole hour???? :eek:

seriously though, sneaking really? you're an adult. Be an adult. Put your foot down and mange your time.

Dis86 · 3 Dec 2020 at 13:19

james.miller said:
A whole hour????

seriously though, sneaking really? you're an adult. Be an adult. Put your foot down and mange your time.

I have...I suggest you read what I was replying to.

vanpeebles · 3 Dec 2020 at 13:21

You have more than enough time to study some old prison/prison camp movies, and make a paper mache version of yourself, complete with pulley operated arms, and a tape recording for a voice.

james.miller · 3 Dec 2020 at 13:28

Dis86 said:
I have...I suggest you read what I was replying to.

Oh you did? sorry, i thought you were looking for alternatives. So what are you doing then?

AiiR · 3 Dec 2020 at 13:30

Dis86 said:
Getting some flak on this one but I can't grasp that I'm in the wrong.

I have a sister, my partner has a brother. Both have their own partners. Each year at Christmas we alternate between our parents for Christmas Dinner.

For example, this year we are due at my parents, my sister at her partners parents and my partners brother at their parents.

Everyone is happy. Everyone has family there for Christmas Dinner.

This year however my partners brother has decided last minute he's not going to spend it with his parents. This means they'll be alone.

My partner has asked if we could have them round at ours, no problem except my mum suffers severe social anxiety, particularly when eating. This therefore means my mum is either going to have a nightmare of a time or can't come.

I've therefore said we shouldn't change the plans and pattern that has been in place for years. She's kicking off with me saying I'm being selfish and making her parents have to have Dinner alone.

I think her brother is the one at fault in this scenario.

Who's right? Is there an alternative?

I'd be asking why her brother isn't getting the flak for deciding he doesn't want to spend Christmas with his parents at the last minute.

Not your problem!

jpaul · 3 Dec 2020 at 13:35

Burned_Alive said:
What is the reason for her brother not wanting to spend Christmas with them?

probably relevant :
unless he's on his own, could be an indication of addtional infection possibility, or, even,
plot twist - he is concerned about infecting them, who is the bad guy now ?

Dis86 · 3 Dec 2020 at 13:47

jpaul said:
probably relevant :
unless he's on his own, could be an indication of addtional infection possibility, or, even,
plot twist - he is concerned about infecting them, who is the bad guy now ?

As I've already stated he sees them because they look after his kid. They're going to his on the morning to see their grandchild.
So no, not an issue.

Psycho Sonny · 3 Dec 2020 at 14:08

AiiR said:
I'd be asking why her brother isn't getting the flak for deciding he doesn't want to spend Christmas with his parents at the last minute.

Not your problem!

Last minute it's over 3 weeks away and likley decided a week ago at the least.

Last minute would be on the day or the day before. Therefore a decent excuse would be required.

A month in advance is now last minute?