Colleagues who rub you the wrong way

[Converge]

Hi all,

I expect we’ve all had it though the years, you start a new job, or someone joins a team, you get on well with the vast majority but then you typically encounter one (and hopefully only one) who... well, just really rubs you up the wrong way and agitates you, perhaps purposefully, or unconsciously.

I’d be interested to hear what people’s coping mechanisms are?

I tend to just try and be the ‘better man’ and not rise to the baiting and strange criticisms, but having to work directly with my current irritant, I’m struggling to bite my tongue for the first time in a few years! Particularly when the person is not very good at their job too.

So what stories do you have?

 

[Deleted member 77746]

I’d be interested to hear what people’s coping mechanisms are?

Give it back. If someone rubs you up the wrong way to it back to them in such a way it doesn't seem obvious. If they hate something learn that they hate it then do it.

E.g speeling mistacks

 

[Ayahuasca]

1v1 them in the car park.

 

[wingman]

Can you provide any examples of their behaviour towards you?

 

[chroniclard]

Boss is great, get on really well, his son however is a **** and I would probably have been looking elsewhere if Covid had not happened. Our admin staff keep quitting as he is a tool. I am not sure its conscious with him or if he is just bad at conveying things.

Lose lose situation, cant exactly tell the boss his son is a ****.

 

[randomshenans]

Boxing stance tbh

 

[fobose]

I work with a guy that rubs everyone up the wrong way. He doesn't mean anything by it, I think he just thinks and works completely different to everyone else. The kinda guy that will phone you whilst looking at you through a window on a door he could easily open and talk to you.

 

[Converge]

Boxing stance tbh

Does this work over conference calls?

I work with a guy that rubs everyone up the wrong way. He doesn't mean anything by it, I think he just thinks and works completely different to everyone else. The kinda guy that will phone you whilst looking at you through a window on a door he could easily open and talk to you.

That’s the thing with my particular person, I’m not sure if they’re even aware that they come across as confrontational, nit picky and so forth either!

 

[CrimsonAvenger]

Does this work over conference calls?

Video conf yes

 

[CrimsonAvenger]

Boss is great, get on really well, his son however is a **** and I would probably have been looking elsewhere if Covid had not happened. Our admin staff keep quitting as he is a tool. I am not sure its conscious with him or if he is just bad at conveying things.

Lose lose situation, cant exactly tell the boss his son is a ****.

Family businesses are the most difficult to change in this respect. Agreed on a lose lose situ.

 

[HangTime]

I just put up with it and avoid them where possible. Give honest constructive feedback to their manager if asked for it.
Worth sounding out other colleagues to see if they have the same opinion.

 

[m4rmite]

Liars and lazy xxxxx, butt licks tend to spawn from the first 2.
Sadly they've been promoted to management.

Not a clue in the world how to do things, they smile and brown nose their way through every day.

I need to stop posting now as it winds me up

But not for much longer

 

[Zefan]

That’s the thing with my particular person, I’m not sure if they’re even aware that they come across as confrontational, nit picky and so forth either!

If you really believe this, then I think you need to talk to this person. It's not a particularly easy thing to do, but if you really believe they don't know, then I think there's at least partial responsibility on your part - even if only towards yourself - to raise it. You don't do this by reporting, but by speaking to them privately in some way. The actual words will vary but it should be easy to concoct a non-confrontational, more like a caring message if there's as much to go on as you've described. The hard part is choosing to do that over moaning about it. I have personal experience with this, as I love a good moan

 

[Cooler running]

I’d be interested to hear what people’s coping mechanisms are?

If it's plausible to call it work place bullying, try and get some sort of evidence, then rat them out. Strongly consider putting in a similar statement if you have any evidence to suggest that it cost you any time.
A companies HR department exists to deal with issues like this, make sure to make it blatantly obvious that the distress or annoyance is costing the company money by wasting your time.

Unless it's literally the CEO's son or something, management will always get involved if you make it clear that the company is losing money because of office politics.
The worst thing you can do is make a scene before you report it, as that way it's unclear who is the problem.

So what stories do you have?

I personally have a story, had some new hires join the company which were working in a remote office. They both covered for each other and went out of their way to try and either blame or encumber me with any problems which arose.

The company was initially pleased to have them, but that wasn't going to last. Anyway I was left getting angrier and angrier dealing with dingus and duck-head. One day I just snapped, told the two of them they were ass-hats and vented publicly. I was well respected so suffered no ill consequences (this could have gone much worse), but decided that it was the right time to leave. I got myself a 20% pay-rise from moving careers and felt smug about it at the time, little did I know what would happen. A friend of mine who was working with me at the time told me that apparently the two of them crumbled under the pressure as soon as I wasn't around to pick up their slack. They both lost their jobs and he (the friend) moved on to become the most senior member of the company. If I would have just whispered to HR about my abuse quietly in the background while smiling and nodding publically; I'm sure I could have been there enjoying their downfall too.

 

[SPG]

OP is a noob, in these situations you spend 6 months devising a working work place accident for said employee.

 

[ttaskmaster]

Generally we call people on their incompatible behaviours. If it's that much of a problem or persists in spite of our quiet words, it gets escalated to management... but if they do nothing about it and insist we must be 'professional' then everyone just makes life really hard for the problem individual.
There's only so far you can go and only so much you can put up with.

Lose lose situation, cant exactly tell the boss his son is a ****.

Yes you can, and that's all the more reason to tell the boss, especially if staff feel he's somehow protected by that relationship.
That son is driving good people away. At best, the boss will come down harder on his son than he would anyone else... at worst, you all lose your jobs for daring to upset his little boy and you escape a ridiculously toxic environment... and if you really wanted to hammer him for it, you would probably have a good case for an industrial tribunal or something.

 

[GIBURROWS]

1v1 at monopoly!

 

[Smokey Deza]

I put my headphones on. Mostly due to an egomaniac who has an extreme case of delusions of grandeur. It's a shame really, friendly guy. It's not a full proof measure, though, not to mention I only have them when I'm at my desk. But they do help a tonne.

Although I'm going to lose them soon due to training. Told the owners it's a bad idea expanding this office (not entirely accurate), and argued the new guy will just become a scratching post for his ego...But they won't have it

Can't wait to be certifiable again!