I understand, it's a disgusting thing for someone to do, and is not acceptable in any way.
Child Maintenance
- Thread starter Klunt Bumskrint
- Start date
A receiving parent can also tell us if they have a reason to believe the paying parent’s income is different to the amount we’ve used to work out child maintenance.
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This won’t help the OP, but when my first wife divorced me in 1969, The Family Division of the High Court ordered me to pay £X per week per child, for our two sons.
If I described that amount as derisory, I’d be making an understatement, and knowing that she was aware of certain “other irons I had in the fire”, I was apprehensive of her blowing the whistle on me.
So I approached her in a pub in Fleet Street afterward, almost opposite the High Court, where she was with her father, and said, “You know how much I love the kids, and that I’d not lie to you about this, but if you keep shtum about certain things, I’ll set up a Direct Debit to pay you what the court has awarded you, and I’ll give you the exact amount in cash as well, every month, my hand to God.
She knew me well enough to know that I meant it, so that’s how it went for seven years, until she met and married a real nice guy, she deserved something good in her life after putting up with me for eight years.
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This won’t help the OP, but when my first wife divorced me in 1969, The Family Division of the High Court ordered me to pay £X per week per child, for our two sons.
If I described that amount as derisory, I’d be making an understatement, and knowing that she was aware of certain “other irons I had in the fire”, I was apprehensive of her blowing the whistle on me.
So I approached her in a pub in Fleet Street afterward, almost opposite the High Court, where she was with her father, and said, “You know how much I love the kids, and that I’d not lie to you about this, but if you keep shtum about certain things, I’ll set up a Direct Debit to pay you what the court has awarded you, and I’ll give you the exact amount in cash as well, every month, my hand to God.
She knew me well enough to know that I meant it, so that’s how it went for seven years, until she met and married a real nice guy, she deserved something good in her life after putting up with me for eight years.
Associate
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On principle, why do you think she should pay if she doesn't see the kids and is no longer involved in their upbringing?
Associate
Really? Because she made choices to bring 4 children into the world and until they can support themselves she can’t just sack off the responsibility ‘cos she doesn’t feel like it
Access is neither here nor there
Put the boot on the other foot - do you think the State should be picking up the costs of bringing up children because their absent fathers don’t want to pay (in the vast majority of cases, it is absent fathers). Society’s answer in “no”
Soldato
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When I split from my first wife we had a long talk about how important it was to not use our kid as a weapon and to avoid bitter words- saying nothing is better than the 2 second satisfaction of saying something nasty. Ten years on and we're friends and we are both proud of ourselves for that.
I paid her more than I needed to, out of choice. Long game, and all that.
I feel for the OP here.
I paid her more than I needed to, out of choice. Long game, and all that.
I feel for the OP here.
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I suspect she doesnt pay tax on her sales and hence no visible income. Maybe HMRC need to know
We were together for over 20 years then over the space of a year or two she changed, she met somebody who agreed with her new ideals and preferred him. She used to be the model mother, I was blind to it until it was too late.
I just want her to play her part, this £7 a week thing just irritates me because any sane person looking at that must know it's rubbish.
Thanks for the support anyway guys
I just want her to play her part, this £7 a week thing just irritates me because any sane person looking at that must know it's rubbish.
Thanks for the support anyway guys
Caporegime
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I suspect she doesnt pay tax on her sales and hence no visible income. Maybe HMRC need to know
Pointless endeavour. Won't be interested unless you have proof and physical evidence that you post into them.
Associate
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When 2 people decide they aren't fit to be parents and put their child up for adoption, nobody has a problem with it. Why should it be any different for 1 parent? People should have the right to relinquish their parental rights and responsibilities. The single parent should bear the costs of bringing up the children if they can afford to, and if they can't then yes the state should bear some of the costs, that's what we pay taxes for. They should not be looking for handouts from absent biological parents that are effectively nothing more than sperm/egg donors.
Soldato
How old are your kids? The fact she's seen them once in 18 months is just shockingly poor.
Soldato
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That is brutal, Dads always get the rough end of these deals. Always. Can’t he go to the courts to see his child?
Soldato
He is now, he gave her ample opportunity to be civil, now he's in the process of throwing the book at her figuratively speaking.
Soldato
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Good man and good luck to him.
It's called responsibility. If you really have no problem with someone deserting their children then there is something wrong with you.
Associate
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So you believe there is something wrong with people who "desert" their children when they put them up for adoption? I've never heard such drivel before. The children will be looked after regardless since we live in a welfare state.
Soldato
Sort of a completely different situation there though, isn't it? Not really sure how you think they're the same. Are you 12?
Completely different scenarios, completely.
Associate
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If 2 parents can relinquish their parental rights through adoption, why shouldn't 1 parent be allowed to do so? No difference from a moral point of view. Honestly I think child maintenance should be scrapped entirely, it just seems like a system for beggars to get free handouts. If you have equal joint custody then there is no reason why one side should pay another. If for some reason you want and are given full or main custody, you should bear the full costs since you get the benefits from raising the children.
Nope, no difference. OP hasn't really gone into much detail of the circumstances, but at the end of the day there is no blanket right or wrong, only the person "deserting" them can make that judgement for their particular circumstances.
Soldato
Do you have kids out of curiosity?