How life pans out

[physichull]

For the past two weeks I’ve been completely unable to stop thinking about an incident that happened a couple of weeks ago, close to where my parents live and where I grew up.

Essentially, somebody I knew from school (going back over 15 years now), who wasn’t a friend of mine, but he was in many of my classes, got behind the wheel of his dad’s car a couple of weeks ago, went for a drive, veered off to the wrong side of the road, hit a cyclist, ploughed through a field and came to a stop in somebodies front garden.

Some more facts from the story:

• He’d been in the pub all day drinking;
• He had an argument with his wife as he had been cheating on her;
• After the argument, he got the keys of his dads car and was intending to drive to see his mistress;
• He’s got kids and has been a paramedic for many years;
• He was over the drink drive limit when he had the “accident”;
• The cyclist was killed instantly.

The whole incident is deeply saddening for the cyclists family and I’ve just not been able to shake this from my mind.

I guess my main point is that I do a fair bit of road cycling and I think this is why this story really hit home with me, how fragile life is.

But also how I can’t help but think that this sort of behaviour from that individual was so out of character from what he was like as a kid in school. I’ve got absolutely no sympathy for his situation, what he has done is dreadful and he is currently released under investigation, assuming the police can charge him I'd expect a lengthy sentence, but it really shook me about how life pans out for people, particularly from people you would least expect it from. Just a seemingly ordinary guy, an admirable career, family and kids - just the person you would least expect this from.

 

[Delta3D]

Rightfully so he should get a lengthy sentence. Anyone who even thinks twice about getting behind the wheel after drinking is pathetically and inhumanely selfish.

Sad thing to be close to, however unfortunately people change and reveal disgusting traits.

 

[Pestilence]

Sounds like going along with that expected structure of a "successful life" wasn't what he actually wanted at all.

Sad that someone else had to pay for his failure to take control. No sympathy for him whatsoever.

 

[Malevolence]

I'll just copy 'n' paste my reply to another thread. Having lost a very close friend to a drink driver it's my firm belief that there should be a zero tolerance policy. Anyone caught drink driving, whether or not they've hit somebody/something, should be fined and jailed. Then upon release they should be stripped of any right to hold a driving licence for life.

 

[Dirk Diggler]

I’ve got absolutely no sympathy for his situation, what he has done is dreadful and he is currently released under investigation, assuming the police can charge him I'd expect a lengthy sentence, but it really shook me about how life pans out for people, particularly from people you would least expect it from

Sometimes, it's natural to feel empathy for someone who did a thing like that, especially when you knew him personally. It's a bit of a canned response to talk about having "no sympathy" and that's driven by our more immediate empathy for the fatality and their family. However the perpetrator is a human being with a wife and kids who will be going through a different kind of hell. We can get guilty about empathising with that, but we only do it because we think we know how it would make us feel in that situation.

It's complicated, which I suspect is why you are struggling to shake the thought of it all.

 

[Dyson]

I'll just copy 'n' paste my reply to another thread. Having lost a very close friend to a drink driver it's my firm belief that there should be a zero tolerance policy. Anyone caught drink driving, whether or not they've hit somebody/something, should be fined and jailed. Then upon release they should be stripped of any right to hold a driving licence for life.

Couldn't agree any more.

 

[Hedge]

I'll just copy 'n' paste my reply to another thread. Having lost a very close friend to a drink driver it's my firm belief that there should be a zero tolerance policy. Anyone caught drink driving, whether or not they've hit somebody/something, should be fined and jailed. Then upon release they should be stripped of any right to hold a driving licence for life.

Not sure why the England hasn't just completely banned any level of alcohol and driving yet. There will be countless situations when someone drove to meet a mate for one pint then ended up getting swept up in the moment and having more than one. I love a beer with my meal as much as anyone. I'm just not sure why it's still legal in England to be honest.

 

[Rroff]

Sad that someone else had to pay for his failure to take control

Much easier said than done assuming you are meaning in terms of life not going where he expected.

 

[jsmoke]

The demon drink has a lot to answer for. People start of with a few when they're 16 then by time they're 25 they can be downing the cans every night and not realise for years they are destroying their health and hence end of getting involved in something like this. Can completely change a person into a real low life.

 

[mid_gen]

Much easier said than done assuming you are meaning in terms of life not going where he expected.

No, it isn't. If you're ******, you don't drive.

If you're in a rage, you don't drive.

Hope he spends a good period inside. That he chose to cheat on his wife isn't an excuse.

 

[Terminal_Boy]

Some people’s role in life is simply to serve as an object lesson to others.

 

[bainbridge]

It's so easy to become righteous and condemn this man because his actions killed someone, but I understand where you are coming from OP and in the real world things aren't so clear cut.

Imagine the horrors a paramedic sees on a daily basis. The anguish, pain, and death. Maybe he started to drink to cope? Many do. How many times during a hard working day has someone said they are going to sink a few cold ones when they get home?

We don't know the background of this man's relationship with his partner. Of course people shouldn't cheat, but they do. Again, it's easy to vilify someone, but is that wise, only being in possession of the very basics?

I'm not defending this man, but I think this is an example where cognitive dissonance is part of being a mature adult, rather than simply throwing the book at someone. Adults are complicated creatures trying to live in a very sophisticated society, not children in a playground.

Also, I wouldn't hold out for a lengthy prison sentence from his conviction. Death by dangerous driving isn't a premeditated killing, it's an accident. I'm not sure this crime has a custodial sentence as a minimum, but if he has a clean sheet up until now he might just get a long ban and a very short spell inside.

Don't beat yourself up OP, you're just being human.

 

[mid_gen]

it's an accident.

Drink driving isn't an accident.

He chose a course of action that killed a man. That can't be brushed over.

Of course he shouldn't be villified for the rest of his life....but he needs to face the consequences. It's staggering to me that anyone would even consider getting behind the wheel while ****** and in a rage. Clearly some people need the message re-inforced.

 

[Richie]

Without condoning what he did, its easy for others to fully condemn from a distance.

Replace the accused in this story from a stranger to a brother/sister/parent/son/daughter.... Would your condemnation be as severe? Would you instantly and irrecoverably cut ties with that person permanently?

 

[mid_gen]

Without condoning what he did, its easy for others to fully condemn from a distance.

Replace the accused in this story from a stranger to a brother/sister/parent/son/daughter.... Would your condemnation be as severe? Would you instantly and irrecoverably cut ties with that person permanently?

Had anyone suggested that?

If it was a good friend of mine. I would tell him what an absolute **** he is and he needs to suck it up and face the consequences....but I'm not going to cut him off.

 

[Stumble Bum]

Drink Driving
Cheating on his wife
Arguments about affair therefore hurting wife who found out
'Took Dad's car' ?? No car of his own?
In a position of very serious responsibility.
Reckless driving killing an innocent cyclist.

Sounds like an utter scumbag.

Hope they lock him away for a very long time.

 

[Ayahuasca]

His life sounded a bit of a mess tbh, must have been spending some energy putting up that front every day.

 

[RoboCod]

Do I think about what ifs? Sometimes
Do they stop me doing stuff I enjoy? Hell no, ride!

I've lost more than a lot of people have in their lives. It hasn't stopped me doing a thing. I don't spend too much time mulling it all over either. If you do that, you might find it will drag your whole life down for good.

 

[Delta3D]

Also, I wouldn't hold out for a lengthy prison sentence from his conviction. Death by dangerous driving isn't a premeditated killing, it's an accident. I'm not sure this crime has a custodial sentence as a minimum, but if he has a clean sheet up until now he might just get a long ban and a very short spell inside.

Should at least be more than a couple years minimum I'd imagine. I had a guy try overtaking me stone cold sober and hit an oncoming car and myself and got 2 years inside + 3 year ban for causing serious injury by dangerous driving.

 

[platinum87]

Without condoning what he did, its easy for others to fully condemn from a distance.

Replace the accused in this story from a stranger to a brother/sister/parent/son/daughter.... Would your condemnation be as severe? Would you instantly and irrecoverably cut ties with that person permanently?

You can condemn someone without cutting ties.

If you get drunk and drive a car, you should go to prison, hitting and killing someone is completely irrelevant.

Who the person is is completely irrelevant, that is what should happen.

It might not happen, i might even make it not happen. Does not change that it should happen