Living at your parents home when you're 25+

Old Man · 21 Jul 2021 at 15:08

A question for you and or your parents on this:

My son is back living at home because of issues (issues = time off from Uni) and does not help with any rent, food or anything else and yet he is upset that my wife and I ask him to answer phones (I still work freelance), pick up groceries etc and all I get is an an earful of how unfair I am, so am I?

He is taking time off from Uni, 27 years old, but has some health issues (pacemaker and Graves), but other than that he's fine.

Gave it a shot to ask here.

iamtheoneneo · 21 Jul 2021 at 15:10

I feel like the 'issues' bit is important context were missing here.

BallistixOnZ490 · 21 Jul 2021 at 15:10

He might have severe mental health issues that are yet undiagnosed.

SPG · 21 Jul 2021 at 15:10

No, and make the bugger pay rent.

Pipe & Slippers · 21 Jul 2021 at 15:10

Old Man said:
so am I?

A sap?

Rroff · 21 Jul 2021 at 15:12

Is he working and/or claiming benefits?

Stumble Bum · 21 Jul 2021 at 15:14

Kick him out and see if he can find a better deal of free rent and food.

Efour · 21 Jul 2021 at 15:15

Your sun is a lucky ****.

HE should pay 33% of anything he gets at least and thats really generous.

ci_newman · 21 Jul 2021 at 15:16

I think you already know the answer to that

He's walking all over you

Dyson · 21 Jul 2021 at 15:18

Without knowing details, that is really not on. I'm guessing he paid his way however he was living before he came home, so should continue to do so

chroniclard · 21 Jul 2021 at 15:19

Should pay something, even if its just a token and/or not be a lazy scroat. HTFU

BallistixOnZ490 · 21 Jul 2021 at 15:19

The thing I never understood is if adult kids need to pay their parents rent, why can't they claim housing benefit?

cheesyboy · 21 Jul 2021 at 15:19

It's **** living with your parents as an adult. I bought a house at 24, but was utterly done with living at home by that stage.

Had a 4 month stay back with them, with wife and 2 year old too, ~5 years later when we were between house sale/purchase. Did not enjoy that.

Anyway, all that is to say: It's stressful living under someone else's roof and having to work to their rule. But OP's son SHOULD be pitching in and probably paying keep, for at least the resources he's consuming.

Old Man · 21 Jul 2021 at 15:20

Rroff said:
Is he working and/or claiming benefits?

No.

I bought my first home at 21, but different times back then and things are very different now (harder I think than when I was growing up).

Rannoch · 21 Jul 2021 at 15:21

ci_newman said:
I think you already know the answer to that He's walking all over you

Exactly, you need to sort him out before he ends up leeching off you forever

Minusorange · 21 Jul 2021 at 15:22

He should really contribute in some way even if he can't afford to pay rent, so I don't think it's unreasonable to ask him to answer the phone or do a grocery run

BallistixOnZ490 said:
The thing I never understood is if adult kids need to pay their parents rent, why can't they claim housing benefit?

Never understood this either, it's honestly no different to living in a house share or renting an apartment, it's funny because you can get housing benefit if you're living with your uncle/aunt or grandparents just not if it's your parents or siblings, it's really quite stupid

G J · 21 Jul 2021 at 15:23

He needs help with his issues but also needs to be helping/working and paying something but if you want to permanently damage the relationship between you and him listen to the people telling you to kick him out.

Everyone this has happened too including myself the relationship is has never been the same again so thread carefully.

Ayahuasca · 21 Jul 2021 at 15:23

I mean those health issues could be a major reason why, having a pacemaker fitted so young must have an effect mentally.

That said, no reason he shouldn't be answering the phone, could be anxiety? Picking up groceries shouldn't be an issue unless he's carrying a load at once and it's causing physical strain.

BallistixOnZ490 · 21 Jul 2021 at 15:26

Or maybe he can't do shopping or answer the phone due to the symptoms of Graves disease?

In which case get a support worker to do his shopping for him or shop onine?

413x · 21 Jul 2021 at 15:26

Assuming he's not disabled...

Edit... Completely missed the issues... Therefore the below doesn't apply. Or maybe it does. Depends on the condition

Absolutely no way I'd accept this.
If he isn't working, he needs to be doing jobs around the house. Significant amount.

When I was at my parents I worked, paid rent and still had to do jobs. That's why I moved into rental. It set me back on housing ladder as it was more expensive private renting but I couldn't take paying rent, working and being under someone's roof.