Living at your parents home when you're 25+

[potatolord]

A question for you and or your parents on this:

My son is back living at home because of issues (issues = time off from Uni) and does not help with any rent, food or anything else and yet he is upset that my wife and I ask him to answer phones (I still work freelance), pick up groceries etc and all I get is an an earful of how unfair I am, so am I?

He is taking time off from Uni, 27 years old, but has some health issues (pacemaker and Graves), but other than that he's fine.

Gave it a shot to ask here.

You're not being unfair. My teenage son is expected to help our with chores and, after some initial moaning, now just gets on with it.

Stand your ground.

 

[Nasher]

I lived with my parents until I was quite old, but I was always working. We had a lot of combined cash coming in between me and my Dad's business (which was run from home). Though it wasn't a small house and garden.

Eventually I put down a giant deposit on a house

 

[panthro]

His health conditions may be affecting his mental health. Suggest you take that into consideration whilst at the same time put some firm rules in place.

 

[Trifid]

I spent a week back at my parents after coming out of hospital following a injury a few weeks back. While it was tough starting back at home again, I was glad to be independent again. Don't underestimate how much 'it sucks' to have to return home.

 

[Freefaller]

His health conditions may be affecting his mental health. Suggest you take that into consideration whilst at the same time put some firm rules in place.

That's a fair comment. The OP will know best how to approach his son. But it does sound like it needs a conversation.

 

[Uther]

I left home at 23 and got a flat with my partner, our son is 23 with no signs of him leaving but with the cost of housing now I'm not surprised and certainly not pressurising him to leave. He's paid a small rent since the first week he started work, mainly to get him into the mindset that life costs, and five years later it's basically the same amount. He puts several hundred pounds a month into his ISA and pension though.
Some friends have two sons in their 20's living at home and don't pay a penny, even though they work. They just drink and smoke their cash every week.
I think we'd be having words if he paid nothing but wasted his money every week.

 

[soundb0y]

Stump up for your kid you tight git.

However that does give you the right to demand he does all the crap jobs you can't be arsed to.

Funnily enough I was actually listening to this earlier

 

[azazl187]

I can't imagine not helping out with the running of a house at that age. It's unbelievable to me that any one thinks they can get away with not doing it. Just completely alien

 

[watercooledman]

the lad may have some mental issues anxiety and all that dreaded crap.

 

[Angilion]

But doesn't this indicate therefore that society and the law does not require adult kids to pay their parents to live with them?

I'm not following your line of argument. Can you explain why you think it indicates that society and the law does not require adult kids to pay rent to their parents?

As a better example, people living in their parent's home don't automatically have the legal rights of tenants. I think that indicates that they are not legally viewed as tenants.

And what do you think any landlord does with their rent? They pay for their car / house etc with it.

Landlords don't usually pay the rent to their tenants, which was the situation I was describing. I didn't say anything about the parents paying for their car, etc.

I'll elaborate on the scenario:

For the sake of clearer illustration, I'll make things more direct rather than referring to person A and x amount of money. So let's pretend that I'm your son and I'm living in your home.

You charge me £400 a month rent.
I claim £400 a month housing benefit.
I give you the £400 a month I get from housing benefit.
You use that £400 a month to pay for my car and my petrol and if there's anything left you spend it on me.

So the "housing benefit" I'm claiming is actually paying for my car.

That's the subtle approach. There's a more direct approach:

You charge me £400 a month rent.
I claim £400 a month housing benefit.
I give you the £400 a month I get from housing benefit.
You give me £200 a month. Free £200 for each of us, nice.

There's an even more direct approach:

You "charge" me £400 a month rent.
I claim £400 a month housing benefit.
We pocket £200 a month each and lol.

There is plenty of scope for fraud. In that sitcom I mentioned (Bread? Darling Buds of May?) two members of the family owned a house each. Each lived in the other's house and they charged each other rent, which they both got housing benefit for. No rent was actually paid, of course. Just some "creative accounting". It's like businesses doing tax evasion avoidance.

 

[Chris Beard]

I'm not following your line of argument. Can you explain why you think it indicates that society and the law does not require adult kids to pay rent to their parents?

As a better example, people living in their parent's home don't automatically have the legal rights of tenants. I think that indicates that they are not legally viewed as tenants.



Landlords don't usually pay the rent to their tenants, which was the situation I was describing. I didn't say anything about the parents paying for their car, etc.

I'll elaborate on the scenario:

For the sake of clearer illustration, I'll make things more direct rather than referring to person A and x amount of money. So let's pretend that I'm your son and I'm living in your home.

You charge me £400 a month rent.
I claim £400 a month housing benefit.
I give you the £400 a month I get from housing benefit.
You use that £400 a month to pay for my car and my petrol and if there's anything left you spend it on me.

So the "housing benefit" I'm claiming is actually paying for my car.

That's the subtle approach. There's a more direct approach:

You charge me £400 a month rent.
I claim £400 a month housing benefit.
I give you the £400 a month I get from housing benefit.
You give me £200 a month. Free £200 for each of us, nice.

There's an even more direct approach:

You "charge" me £400 a month rent.
I claim £400 a month housing benefit.
We pocket £200 a month each and lol.

There is plenty of scope for fraud. In that sitcom I mentioned (Bread? Darling Buds of May?) two members of the family owned a house each. Each lived in the other's house and they charged each other rent, which they both got housing benefit for. No rent was actually paid, of course. Just some "creative accounting". It's like businesses doing tax evasion avoidance.

I'm in.

 

[BallistixOnZ490]

I see, but still each house would have a mortgage?

So therefore the money from HB is not exactly being spent on other things, even if indirectly, it is still helping to pay for the mortgage.

 

[Angilion]

I see, but still each house would have a mortgage?

So therefore the money from HB is not exactly being spent on other things, even if indirectly, it is still helping to pay for the mortgage.

Not necessarily. Some people have paid off their mortgages and own their house outright. Whether or not there's a mortgage is irrelevant to the scenario anyway because the point is misdirection of welfare payments. The parents wouldn't be entitled to housing benefit to pay their mortgage, so is it legit for them to use their relatives to do so?

 

[Puzzled]

Needs to be a different relationship dynamic, he's an adult not a teenager so should be contributing financially if he can and also helping out around the house.

It's not particularly unusual for kids to return to the family home as adults at times though. Things happen in life where they need support (illness, loss of job, relationship breakdown etc) but for them to fall back into a child like family dynamic isn't healthy for anyone.

That does mean you have treat him as an adult as well mind but ultimately its your house.

 

[BallistixOnZ490]

Not necessarily. Some people have paid off their mortgages and own their house outright. Whether or not there's a mortgage is irrelevant to the scenario anyway because the point is misdirection of welfare payments. The parents wouldn't be entitled to housing benefit to pay their mortgage, so is it legit for them to use their relatives to do so?

What do you think normal housing benefit does?

It pays for the landlord's mortgage. As you say, the landlord night not even have a mortgage anymore, but can still charge rent.

The only difference is that the landlord is related to you. You can already claim HB in your scenarios if renting a house from a family member, as long as they don't live there. The DWP do loads of checks to make sure it is valid.

The only scenario where you don't get HB is if you live in a family members home with them.

So if an adult kid has no job or no money, how can they pay rent?

Also in charging them, you delay or even completely negate their ability to save up for a deposit to move out.

Why not actually help them to move out? Help towards the deposit, joint / guarantor mortgage, rather than just scream and yell at them to get out or pay rent? Lots of (better) parents already do this.

 

[Angilion]

[..] Why not actually help them to move out? Help towards the deposit, joint / guarantor mortgage, rather than just scream and yell at them to get out or pay rent? Lots of (better) parents already do this.

I agree (to an extent, in most situations), but that's irrelevant to this subthread about why people living in their parent's home don't get housing benefit for doing so, the one you started with post number 12.

The thing I never understood is if adult kids need to pay their parents rent, why can't they claim housing benefit?

 

[BallistixOnZ490]

They are two separate points relating to the thread topic? So what if I address both points simultaneously?

 

[robgmun]

I spent most of my 30's in my parent's house after having to move back in after a divorce. I paid a significant rent but did none of the chores, but I cooked for myself quite a bit. I was able to move back out when my and my gf (now wife) slapped down a big deposit for a sizable house.

 

[OpenToSuggestions]

No, and make the bugger pay rent.

This.

Being soft with him won't prepare him for the real world.
He is heading towards 30 and needs to book his ideas up.

 

[dlockers]

I spent most of my 30's in my parent's house after having to move back in after a divorce. I paid a significant rent but did none of the chores, but I cooked for myself quite a bit. I was able to move back out when my and my gf (now wife) slapped down a big deposit for a sizable house.

Pics of wife/sizeable deposit and house pls