Funniest line from anything, ever?

[Gilly]

Can be a film, a song, a musical, a public address. Pretty much anything you like.

Please keep your answer to one line (not like in music where a 'favourite line' thread gets filled up with people quoting whole songs that no-one else reads and the thread dies ) though explanation and preceding lines are fine, just don't run it on too much

Mine comes from Friends, and anyone that has seen this episode once will remember it. Delivery and timing is superb, and its no surprise that it comes from Chandler

General story: Joey went out with a girl with a prosthetic leg, and when they went up to a log cabin he threw her leg on the fire in the middle of the night. He then ran leaving her to it, and Chandler has started seeing her. Its actually fantastically funny, whether it sounds it or not The line is highlighted in bold:

Monica: So, um, how was your date with Ginger?
Chandler: Great *clears throat* it was great. She's great looking, great personality, she's greatness.
Monica: Sounds like she's got the... err... whole package.
Chandler: Joey told you about the leg huh?
Monica: Uhuh.
Chandler: Oh God, it freaked me out OK. I know it shouldn't have, but it did. I mean, I like her, I don't want to stop seeing her, but every so often its like "hey, you know what? Where's your leg?"
Monica: ...*cough*... (trying to not laugh at misfortune)
Chandler: I'm the smallest person in the world aren't I? The smallest person in the world.
Joey: Morning!
Chandler: Actually, he's the smallest person in the world.
Joey: Heard about the leg burning huh?
Chandler: It came up.
Joey: Listen, I know its a long shot, but by any chance did she find that funny?

I just know Freefaller will appreciate this

 

[Guinnezz]

"Moore was the best Bond, but I should be the next one. With my new Seamaster I'd well look the part" - Gilly

 

[KASM]

Another Joey-ism, when finding out that someone don't own a TV

"No TV!! what do you point the furniture at?"


just tickes me everytime

 

[Bodak]

Jules: [pointing his gun] Say "what" again. SAY "WHAT" AGAIN. I dare you, I double dare you, mother****er. Say "what" one more goddamn time.

 

[Atari]

*SNEEZE*

"Sorry, I'm alergic to bull ####"


Absolute comedy lol

 

[MasterMike]

Mike: Timmy! (phone)
Tim: Mike! Where are you?
Mike: I'm in Sheffield.
Tim: How'd you get to Sheffield?
Mike: I fell asleep on the tube.
Tim: But the tube doesn't go to Sheffield...
Mike: Yeah, I must have changed at King's Cross....

 

[sk0r]

Clerks.


Dante: THIRTY SIX?

 

[Lead_Head]

*SNEEZE*

"Sorry, I'm alergic to bull ####"


Absolute comedy lol

I was crying at that point in I-Robot

 

[titchard]

along with Gilly one of my favourite lines is from friends, the episode where Joey is practising his lines for a game show called "Bambozzled"

when ross wins the game they are practising he bursts across to Rachael and Monicas apartment and Declares!:

"YES! I've just bamboozled Chandler......which is not a sexual thing by the way!!!"

there are sooooo many classic friends quotes but it would take me weeks to go through them all! (having seasons 1- 10 on DVD, BEFORE the new boxsets! all single DVDs)

Rich

 

[SpicyDuck]

Jules: [pointing his gun] Say "what" again. SAY "WHAT" AGAIN. I dare you, I double dare you, mother****er. Say "what" one more goddamn time.

Winner! .

Edit:

This is more to do with his facial expression and in the same film/section but when he says "This a REALLY nice burger" and then his face when he starts drinking through the straw lol .

Phil.

 

[Evilandrea]

Has to be from Babylon 5 Season 3.

A discussion between Marcus and Ivonava when they're on the white star hunting the first ones. It's just after they make contact with them, but the first ones tell them to get lost in their own language.

Ivonava - "It tells us that they understand our language. They’re just not willing to speak to us in it."
Marcus - "Who knew they were French?"

Or the single best accidental line from the whole of B5 ever. Season 3 episode convictions, there's a problem with people coming to the station seeking god, and Garibaldi is trying to get rid of some of the visitors. And this line appears.

Garibaldi - Zack, do me a favor and ... explain the ... missionary position to these folks.

 

[Brynn]

Going with MasterMike on the Spaced

Tires "Mine is a pint of the black stuff"
Mike "You cant drink a pint of Bovril"

 

[JonnyT]

Classic from Red Dwarf:

Rimmer: You can't kill Death?!
Lister: If he comes any closer i'll rip his **** off (think mammary glands )

 

[William]

Withnail & I

"Right you ****** I'm going to do the washing up!"

 

[Muffin`]

The part from life or brian where they are sitting in the stadium watching the gladiators, and the cast were dying not to laugh

REG: Why don't you shut up about women, Stan. You're putting us off.

STAN: Women have a perfect right to play a part in our movement, Reg.

FRANCIS: Why are you always on about women, Stan?

STAN: I want to be one.

REG: What?

STAN: I want to be a woman. From now on, I want you all to call me 'Loretta'.

REG: What?!

LORETTA: It's my right as a man.

JUDITH: Well, why do you want to be Loretta, Stan?

LORETTA: I want to have babies.

REG: You want to have babies?!

LORETTA: It's every man's right to have babies if he wants them.

REG: But... you can't have babies.

LORETTA: Don't you oppress me.

REG: I'm not oppressing you, Stan. You haven't got a womb! -- Where's the fetus going to gestate?! You going to keep it in a box?!

LORETTA: [crying]

 

[MaxPower]

"Your so far past the line, you cant even see the line....

... The line is a dot to you"

Classic too many moments in friends, every episode is crammed with them

"Ho Ho Holy crap its hot in here"

 

[Muffin`]

Classic from Red Dwarf:

Rimmer: You can't kill Death?!
Lister: If he comes any closer i'll rip his **** off (think mammary glands )

that was classic , also the part where they have to change the light bulb for red alert status

 

[MNuTz]

Armed and Dangerous

One of the early cutscenes they get 2 guards appear in front of them with guns and the little guys hypnotises them:

It goes along the lines of:

Old guy: "You are, you are, you are......what should i tell them?!
Rome: "tell them they're just going to let us go on our way"
Mole: "no, tell them that they're welsh coal miners"
Robot: "that they're teapots"
Old guy: "no, no i got it. Your FRENCH!!"

Guards: "WE SURRENDER!!"
at which point they throw down their guns and run away.

If anyone hasnt played this game then get it purely for the cutscenes, even funnier than the original Monkey Island games!!

 

[Gaijin]

Life of Brian again, hadn't watched it in ages and all of a sudden a clip of it came on during a seminar in uni on the projector: the scene where they are all stoning some poor cretin and that religious guy is getting them to stop. He then says "Jehovah" and they all start stoning him culminating with three blokes dropping a huge boulder on him at which point some bloke shouts:

"Great shot!"

The whole room burst into laughter, and yes, no more work was done that seminar. Fantastic.

 

[Shoseki]

Plenty of classic lines from Red Dwarf...

Hard not to do the one from Rimmer "You're a total, total, well, a word has yet to be invented to describe what you are, but whatever it, is, you a total total one at that." (Paraphrased)

But the best one, dead panned, is probably the one from Kryten when Ouroborous (not my favourite episode) where Kryten answers a radio call from Kochanski, whom Lister has just shot in the leg. "It's an obscene phone call, sir. I think it's for you..."