Funniest line from anything, ever?

[Kainz]

*SNEEZE*

"Sorry, I'm alergic to bull ####"


Absolute comedy lol

rofl, watched I,Robot for the first time recently and that line cracked me up. Red Dwarf has the best quote's to my mind though, theres just so many hilarious ones.

Kryten: "Well, Space Corps Directive 195 clearly states that in an emergency power situation, a holo-grammatic crew member must lay down his life in order that the living crew members might survive."
Rimmer: "Yes, but Rimmer Directive 271 states just as clearly, "No chance you metal bas****

 

[MaxPower]

Family Guy:
"Fox have a new show: Fast animals, Slow children"

Sorry if we are only allowed to post 1 but that tickled me.

 

[Scam]

As resident Scrubs fanatic i feel obliged to quote a couple from it

If you havent seen it before, Todd is a surgeon who is pretty dumb, and very much so a jock obsessed with sexual innuendos.

Patient: You know doctor, I am getting a little tired of the sexual innuendos.






[pause]





Todd: In your endo.

Me and my housemates were watching that episode all together and we were all literally crying from laughter for so long we had to rewind the episode because we missed what was going on after it

Another one is from the same episode. Its not gonna seem all that funny but its all about the randomness and delivery. JD is in bed with his girlfriend, Jamie.

Jamie: What are you thinking about?

[pause]

JD: Eggs. One minute they are bad for you, now everyone's like "Have you tried eggs yet? They're great" It's crazy. Eggs...

Scrubs sound library

 

[titchard]

Family Guy:
"Fox have a new show: Fast animals, Slow children"

Sorry if we are only allowed to post 1 but that tickled me.

carrying that on "oh damn I got honey all over my legs"

*cheetah runs even faster!*

Rich

 

[ToastedCheese]

Rimmer: "Lets move to blue alert"
Kryton: "Are you sure Sir, It'll mean we will have to change the bulb"

 

[fieldy]

"whew, i think we need drinks!"
"i think we need shovels!"
three men and a little lady

 

[Werewolf]

Has to be from Babylon 5 Season 3.

A discussion between Marcus and Ivonava when they're on the white star hunting the first ones. It's just after they make contact with them, but the first ones tell them to get lost in their own language.

Ivonava - "It tells us that they understand our language. They’re just not willing to speak to us in it."
Marcus - "Who knew they were French?"
.

Definately one of the best ones i've heard, B5 had a number of great jokes/quotes

 

[Skully]

From the 'Justice Zone' episode of Red Dwarf.

They enter a penal quality which has an area where if you do wrong, the activity will be taken out on you instead.

The SIMULANT kicks LISTER in the groin. LISTER stands
there, grinning, as the SIMULANT flies backwards and collapses into a
defeated heap. The CAT runs up brandishing a huge snow shovel.

CAT: I've got him, buddy. Leave this to me.
LISTER: Cat! No!
CAT: Better late than never.

CAT raises the shovel high over his head, and slams the SIMULANT over the
head. The CAT laughs triumphantly. Suddenly, the smile freezes on his
face, and he falls backwards out of shot.

So funny .

 

[Von Smallhausen]

I think for me it would be the classic line from Porridge.

Doctor asks Fletch to fill a cup for a urine sample. Fletch is standing about 5 feet away from the cup.

' Fill that up will you '

' What, from here ? '

Cracks me up every time without fail.

 

[Bodak]

I think for me it would be the classic line from Porridge.

Do everything by numbers do you?

Watch yourself Fletcher...

Margerie, I am about to make passing love to you, stand by your bed. One two knickers down knickers down!

 

[SCM]

One that sticks for me from B5 is when Sinclair meets Talia near the turbo lift and Talia says that everytime she goes to use it Mr Garibaldi is there in the lift waiting. Lift opens behind and Garibaldi is there standind smiling. Then its the line 'Lets take the stairs'

SCM

 

[MaxPower]

As resident Scrubs fanatic i feel obliged to quote a couple from it

Scrubs is pure genious.

Dr Cox: I became a doctor for the same four reasons that everybody does: chicks, money, power, and chicks.

Elliot: Oh, Dr. Cox, does this lipstick make me look like a clown?
Dr Cox: No, Barbie, no... it makes you look like a prostitute who caters exclusively *to* clowns.

Dr Cox: So, in other words there is no permanent historical record of the birth of my friend's baby
JD: I think that the baby itself would serve as proof that it was.... you know.... born

 

[Morba]

'Its time to kick ass and chew bubblegum and im all out of gum.'

lovin it lovin it lovin it

 

[Doohickey]

Oh there are too many from Dr Strangelove, but this is one of my favourite passages:

(Captain Mandrake needs change to use the payphone to call the President)

Capt. Lionel Mandrake: Colonel... that Coca-Cola machine. I want you to shoot the lock off it. There may be some change in there.
Colonel Guano: That's private property.
Capt. Lionel Mandrake: Colonel! Can you possibly imagine what is going to happen to you, your frame, outlook, way of life, and everything, when they learn that you have obstructed a telephone call to the President of the United States? Can you imagine?! Shoot it off! Shoot! With a gun! That's what the bullets are for, you twit!!
Colonel Guano: Okay. I'm gonna get your money for ya. But if you don't get the President of the United States on that phone, you know what's gonna happen to you?
Capt. Lionel Mandrake: What?!
Colonel Guano: You're gonna have to answer to the Coca-Cola Company.

 

[Evilandrea]

One that sticks for me from B5 is when Sinclair meets Talia near the turbo lift and Talia says that everytime she goes to use it Mr Garibaldi is there in the lift waiting. Lift opens behind and Garibaldi is there standind smiling. Then its the line 'Lets take the stairs'

SCM

In the first normal length episode of season 1 B5, when Garibaldi is trying to share his secong most favourite thing in the universe with anyone. And it turns out to be duck dodgers. Classic.

 

[MasterMike]

Classic from Red Dwarf:

Rimmer: You can't kill Death?!
Lister: If he comes any closer i'll rip his **** off (think mammary glands )

It's alright, I think you're allowed to say nipples.
Exact quote is -

"You can't whack death on the head!"
"If he comes near me I'm gonna rip his nipples off"

 

[SCM]

Far too many good lines in B5 to mention here and all classics as that show was one of the best sci-fi series of all time.

One i am shocked no has mentioned from Red Dwarf yet is the classic robo-dave Lager line.

SCM

 

[nastyhead]

Team America Worl Police

Wow A Flying Limousine now I've seen everything

Have you seen a man eat his own head?

No

Then you have not seen everything

 

[philio16]

Team America Worl Police

Wow A Flying Limousine now I've seen everything

Have you seen a man eat his own head?

No

Then you have not seen everything

Watched that tonight! Full of great lines

Am I the only person alive who found friends to be pathetic? The humour in it was so simple it was brain numbing....

 

[Killerkebab]

Bonus to who guesses which show this is from:

"Say, the vampire has those fangs, have they even shown him doing someone and then feeding on him?"
"Wait, you're asking, if they've ever done a sesame street, in which the count... kills someone, and then sucks his blood for sustenance?"
"Yeah."
"No, no, they've never done that."