Funniest line from anything, ever?

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dmpoole said:
Theres a statement just had me in tears watching the Man City v Man Utd derby. Utd have got a free kick and Andy Gray is discussing what they might do with it. The commentator said 'I'd hit it against Richard Dunne if I were them'.
Classic - you have to know whats been going on.

LOL - poor fellah - David James needs early retirement!!
 
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oneilldo said:
From the last boy scout
Alley Thug: Wrong place, wrong time. Nothing personal.
Joe Hallenbeck: That's what you think. Last night I ****** your wife.
Alley Thug: Oh you did, hah? How'd you know it was my wife?
Joe Hallenbeck: She said her husband was a big pimp lookin' ************ with a hat.
Alley Thug: Oh, you're real cool but you've got to take a bullet.
Joe Hallenbeck: After ****** your wife I'll take two.

Funniest thing in a movie ever
Along with...

"Your wife's so fat I had to roll her in flour and look for the wet spot"

"If you go any faster we're gonna travel back in time"

And my personal favourite:

Joe Hallenbeck: Leather pants.
Jimmy Dix: Yeah.
Joe Hallenbeck: What's something like that run?
Jimmy Dix: Six-fifty.
Joe Hallenbeck: Six hundred and fifty dollars?
Jimmy Dix: Yeah.
Joe Hallenbeck: They're pants.
Jimmy Dix: Yeah.
Joe Hallenbeck: You wear them?
Jimmy Dix: YES.
Joe Hallenbeck: They don't, like, have a TV in them or something?
Jimmy Dix: Nope.
Joe Hallenbeck: I am very old.
 
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This was a genuine Radio 2 Broadcast on Terry Wogans morning show last year.

Terry Wogan (reading a letter/email from a listener): "If anaerobic is the opposite of aerobic, what's anabolic the opposite of?"

Fran Godfrey - newsreader quickly and smugly says, thinking she's got the right answer : "bolic"

followed by silence from Terry, and Fran repeating : "Oh no...."


I cracked up with laughter, which was probably not good as I was driving an 18 tonne truck at the time.
:D
 
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Stifler - 'Its too late, i already called up Jims mom, got the info. Its time for me to go boom boom with the bridesmaid finch ******, coz im gonna hang out with wang out, and im gonna rock out with my **** out. Thats what im talkin about!'
 
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Hmmmm, not sure of that it's the funniest line from anything, ever, but one of my favourites is from Red Dwarf 6 - Gunman of the Apocalypse:

Cat: Wait, I know this game. It's called cat and mouse, and there's only one way to win; don't be the mouse.
Lister: What are you saying?
Cat: I'm saying, the mouse never wins. Not unless you believe those lying cartoons. We don't run, we strike. It's the last thing they'll be expecting.
Rimmer: No, the last thing they'll be expecting is for us to turn into ice skating mongooses and to dance the Bolero. And your plan makes about as much sense.
 
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from the Star Trek: TNG spoof 'Gack Trek'

"Engineering to Bridge"
"EH!?"

me and Gord absolutely love that one. in fact, pretty much the whole 6 mins of it is tip-top quality comedy... (cant find the link!!!:()
 
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ROFL

yeh, Gack Trek........"think of something...think of something...........Cheesecake!"

dammit, the link to it doesnt work any more, did anyone dl the gack trek vid and can host it again?
 
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Gilly said:
Can be a film, a song, a musical, a public address. Pretty much anything you like.

Please keep your answer to one line (not like in music where a 'favourite line' thread gets filled up with people quoting whole songs that no-one else reads and the thread dies ;)) though explanation and preceding lines are fine, just don't run it on too much :)

Mine comes from Friends, and anyone that has seen this episode once will remember it. Delivery and timing is superb, and its no surprise that it comes from Chandler ;)

General story: Joey went out with a girl with a prosthetic leg, and when they went up to a log cabin he threw her leg on the fire in the middle of the night. He then ran leaving her to it, and Chandler has started seeing her. Its actually fantastically funny, whether it sounds it or not :p The line is highlighted in bold:

Monica: So, um, how was your date with Ginger?
Chandler: Great *clears throat* it was great. She's great looking, great personality, she's greatness.
Monica: Sounds like she's got the... err... whole package.
Chandler: Joey told you about the leg huh?
Monica: Uhuh.
Chandler: Oh God, it freaked me out OK. I know it shouldn't have, but it did. I mean, I like her, I don't want to stop seeing her, but every so often its like "hey, you know what? Where's your leg?"
Monica: ...*cough*... (trying to not laugh at misfortune)
Chandler: I'm the smallest person in the world aren't I? The smallest person in the world.
Joey: Morning!
Chandler: Actually, he's the smallest person in the world.
Joey: Heard about the leg burning huh?
Chandler: It came up.
Joey: Listen, I know its a long shot, but by any chance did she find that funny?

I just know Freefaller will appreciate this :D
Yes!! I Laughed until I went blue when he said.. *U know, Wheres your leg?!* hahah
My entry is Futurama

Mr n Mrs Wong - Enough, We need someone who can get us out of this mess
Kiff - oh no
Zapp Branagin - I am the man with no name! , Zapp Branagin!, at your service.
 
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Phoenix_Cosmos said:
Yes!! I Laughed until I went blue when he said.. *U know, Wheres your leg?!* hahah
My entry is Futurama

Mr n Mrs Wong - Enough, We need someone who can get us out of this mess
Kiff - oh no
Zapp Branagin - I am the man with no name! , Zapp Branagin!, at your service.

Zap: Champaggin?
Leela: Gee, I didn't know you were such a Coin-asseur
 
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Constantine said:
Will & Grace; Will has just gone ever a gay rights speech with Grace.

Will: ...And I'll probably end with some Q&A
Grace: I have a Q, Why am I bored off my A?
Will: Perhaps because you're being such a B

All will and grace episodes make me giggle, here are just a few quotes though

Karren to Will as she walks into his office

'Close your mouth honey, you look like your missing a cromosone (sp.)'

Wills boss ben to jack

'you know that salad would taste better if you didn't cook it jack'

Nathan to Will and Jack

'theres nothing like hopping on your hog in the morning and riding it till your butt gets tired'

Jack: Your preaching to the choir ok!'
 
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Another from Friends

Chandler: Joey come on, Monica will be hear any second, put your tie back on.

Joey: Aww, but it hurts my Joey's apple!

Chandler: *sighs* For the last time, it is not named after each individual man!
 
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