Make bad chatup lines even worse

GTA · 21 Apr 2005 at 11:37

Original - "A thousand painters working for a thousand years could not create a beauty that equals you."
Ruined - "A thousand barmen working for a thousand years couldn't get me drunk enough to bang you"

Original - "Want to see a picture of someone beautiful? ( hold up mirror )"
Ruined - "Want to see a picture of someone beautiful? ( hold up playboy centrefold ) look! LOOK AT IT! LOOOOOOOOOK!!!" ( after this, optional rolling up the playboy, smacking her on the forehead with it and saying "bad dog!" )

Brynn · 21 Apr 2005 at 11:39

"Excuse me, but does this smell like chloroform to you? "

hahahahahahahahhaha

Belmit · 21 Apr 2005 at 11:43

Original: Your sweater says made in USA, but I could have sworn you were made in heaven.
Ruined: Your sweater says made in USA, is that the only place that does your size?

Original: Have you got a mirror in your pants cause I can see myself in there later.
Ruined: Have you got a mirror in your pants, or the whole Edwardian dressing table?

Otacon · 21 Apr 2005 at 11:45

Belmit said:
Original: Your sweater says made in USA, but I could have sworn you were made in heaven.
Ruined: Your sweater says made in USA, is that the only place that does your size?

Hehehe

Omicron · 21 Apr 2005 at 12:23

GTA said:
5. I've got a big nose, big hands, and really big feet. That's right, I'm a clown.

That has made my day

"Hey baby, everything I'm going to do to you tonight I learned at SeaWorld."
"You, Me, and a midget makes three."

semi-pro waster · 21 Apr 2005 at 12:27

Original: I'm feeling a little off today. Would you like to turn me on?
Ruined: I'm feeling a little off today. Would you please move away, you are making me sick?

Original: You can’t be first, but you could be next.
Ruined: You can’t be first, no matter how drunk I get you would never be next.

Actually they are both poor I'm afraid but the rest of the thread is great.

Otacon · 21 Apr 2005 at 12:29

GTA - Add that link to the first post. Might get a few more people having a go (those that dont read threads).

Sic · 21 Apr 2005 at 12:43

awesome thread, i cant wait to have a go when surf control isnt blocking my damn web access!

i'll have a go, but it'll be lame:

original: are you tired? cuz you've been running through my mind all day!
ruined: are you tired? cuz if not you should get on a treadmill and burn some of those pounds you fat bint

Desmo · 21 Apr 2005 at 12:46

Original - Are you lost ma'am? Because heaven's a long way from here.
Runied - Are you lost ma'am? Because being female, there's a bloody high probability that you are.

Tru · 21 Apr 2005 at 12:46

"I'm a Love Pirate, and I'm here for your booty! ARRRGGGHHH!!!"

"I'm a Love Viking, and I'm here for the raping! YEEEEAAARGHGHGHGHGH!!!!"

"Is that a keg in your pants? 'Cause I'd love to tap that ass."

"Is that a keg in your pants? or is it your big round leaky ass?"

Desmo · 21 Apr 2005 at 12:47

Original - I play the field, and it looks like I just hit a home run with you.
Ruined - I play the field, but girl, you ain't even in my ball park.

Liverpool-Lad · 21 Apr 2005 at 12:51

Davey_Pitch said:
Original: I'm drunk.
Ruined: I'm drunk, and you're still ugly.

Haha, good one, like that.

Belmit · 21 Apr 2005 at 12:54

Original: I'm trying to determine after years of therapy and lots of testing, whether or not I'm allergic to sex...
Ruined: I'm trying to determine after years of therapy and lots of testing, why I only chat up the uglies...

Original: You know, if we cut your arms off, you'd look just like the Venus de Milo.
Ruined: You know, if we cut your arms off, we could feed the third world for a decade.

Original: If this bar is a meat market, you must be the prime rib.
Ruined: It's like a butcher's shop window in here.

Original: Is it hot in here or is it just you?
Ruined: Is it hot in here or do you always sweat like a Grand National winner?

Tru · 21 Apr 2005 at 13:04

Belmit said:
Original: If this bar is a meat market, you must be the prime rib.
Ruined: It's like a butcher's shop window in here.

Brilliant.

Original: Your lips look so lonely.... Would they like to meet mine?
Ruined: Your lips look so lonely.... stranded, as they are, betwixt your fat jowls.

Bodak · 21 Apr 2005 at 13:11

You must be a Snickers, because you satisfy me.
--
You must be the coffee flavoured Quality Street, because you make me want to vomit.
You must be the coffee flavoured Quality Street, because no one likes you.

Is that baby oil on your forehead? Cause you shine like an angel.
--
Is that baby oil on your forehead? Naw, you're just a greasy (female dog).

GTA · 21 Apr 2005 at 13:11

Bad Chat Up Lines - now with extra added stupidness and surreality!

Original - "Hey, you know what winks and screws like a tiger?" ( No? ) wink"
Ruined - "Hey, you know what winks and screws like a tiger?" (No? ) "My one eyed tiger. I stabbed him in the eye with a screwdriver the other day, and he's really angry. Here, hold this screwdriver" ( At this point you stand to one side, revealing the raging mad, one eyed tiger standing behind you, which proceeds to attack her and maul her to death. Then you wink at her.)

Otacon · 21 Apr 2005 at 13:14

Last edited by GTA : 21st Apr 2005 at 13:04. Reason: Original - " I'm a Ferrari test driver, can I buy you a drink?" Ruined - "I post on *** internets, want buttseks?

Sic · 21 Apr 2005 at 13:17

GTA said:
Bad Chat Up Lines - now with extra added stupidness and surreality!

Original - "Hey, you know what winks and screws like a tiger?" ( No? ) wink"
Ruined - "Hey, you know what winks and screws like a tiger?" (No? ) "My one eyed tiger. I stabbed him in the eye with a screwdriver the other day, and he's really angry. Here, hold this screwdriver" ( At this point you stand to one side, revealing the raging mad, one eyed tiger standing behind you, which proceeds to attack her and maul her to death. Then you wink at her.)

i want one of the things that you had after breakfast.

semi-pro waster · 21 Apr 2005 at 13:40

Original: I'm easy. Are you?
Ruined: I'm easy. Are you? Actually don't answer I can tell from here.

Original: Do you know the difference between a Big Mac and a blow job? no, what are you doing for lunch tomorrow?
Ruined: Do you know the difference between a Big Mac and a blow job? Looking at the size of you I'm guessing you do.

Original: If you were the last woman and I was the last man on earth, I bet we could do it in public.
Ruined: If you were the last woman and I was the last man on earth, I bet we could do it in public but you should still wear the paper bag just in case.

MTA99 · 21 Apr 2005 at 13:49

Tru said:
Brilliant.

Original: Your lips look so lonely.... Would they like to meet mine?
Ruined: Your lips look so lonely.... stranded, as they are, betwixt your fat jowls.

5 Stars for using the word "betwixt"!!

LOL

Cheers

Make bad chatup lines even worse

Man of Honour

Man of Honour