Mates ex

Soldato
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I agree with the 'ask first' mob.

Very important you do, only two things ruin friendship in my experience, money and girls. Tread carefully around both.
 
Soldato
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here's a theoretical question:

you've been mates with / known the girl a lot longer, but have become a closer friend with the guy....is the girl fair game if he split with her? I know he wouldn't be bothered by it, or at least not enough to stop me, but sometimes it still a bit iffy.

Tom.
 
Man of Honour
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Adam W said:
No way, you really shouldn't. Its a bit sick.

I think calling it a 'bit sick' is a little strong, there are two consenting adults involved here. It isn't as if there is something particularly dubious being suggested.

That said I'd agree that the best solution is to ask the mate if he has any objections because it can lead to an awkward situation. Logic doesn't always(or even often) enter into relationships, while it may seem perfectly reasonable to go out with a mate's ex it might not appear so to them.
 
Soldato
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are your friend and his ex still friends ? if they can get along then it be ok to ask your mate what he thinks... if he cant stand to be with her then that would be a no

saying that your already speaking to her and if your friend knows this and still likes you then you might be in with a chance.... one of my former friends when being my mates back and started dating his ex ... we dont speak to either of them any more (the friend or the ex)
 
Associate
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You should inform him of the facts so that he doesn't remain ignorant, but in no way should you ever, ever feel inclined to seek permission or approval from anybody, in my view. I would not want to be friends or acquainted with someone who feels they have a form of territorial veto over a woman, simply because he happened to see her at one point or another in time.
 
Permabanned
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There shouldn't be a problem but the factors include what terms he is on with her now and how he personally sees these things.

If he is of the view that she is a nice girl but they are history then I don't see a problem.
If he is of the view that he hates her then it might be an issue.
 
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paradigm said:
If a mate got with my ex (even if i had "moved on") i'd be very upset! 1) I wouldn't want her dragging back into my life, and 2) She dumped me and I still want her.

if you already have another gf, then you really have no grounds for complaint though...and if you still want your ex, you should perhaps re-evaluate your current relationship?

(thats a you in general, not you yourself)

TG
 
Soldato
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Gilly said:
Its all about respect. The guys asking what it has to do with him don't seem to have that for their mates, but are questioning the maturity of a mate that might have a problem with it? Madness.

Ask him what he thinks. Before anything happens. Its the only way to go. If email is too impersonal ask him for a number out there and talk to him over the phone.


Have to agree with the Gillster. If one of my mates got with my ex without at least saying something to me first i'd be seriously narked, not because they are with my ex but becuase they didn't have the descency to say something to me first. I would never say no to a mate about it even if i wasn't over her but i'd ask that they kept it well out of my face for a bit.
 
Man of Honour
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Cheers guys, the mate in question isn't one of my closer ones, but more someone in one of my friendship groups, only really got to know him more recently.

I think i'll give it a while and see if anything comes of it then txt / ring him and just keep him upto date, giving him a chance to express any concerns and take them on board :)
 
Hitman
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Gilly said:
Its all about respect. The guys asking what it has to do with him don't seem to have that for their mates, but are questioning the maturity of a mate that might have a problem with it? Madness.

Ask him what he thinks. Before anything happens. Its the only way to go. If email is too impersonal ask him for a number out there and talk to him over the phone.

Women aren't "property". Anyone who has a problem with their friend and ex being happy together, really isn't a friend. Saying it has to do with respect makes it sound like the "friend" is still thinking she is his.
 
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Bracco said:
Women aren't "property". Anyone who has a problem with their friend and ex being happy together, really isn't a friend. Saying it has to do with respect makes it sound like the "friend" is still thinking she is his.
Who said women were property? Wasn't me.

If one of my mates went out with my ex fiancee I wouldn't speak to them again. Ever.
 
Soldato
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I wouldn't do it - ever. Though I'm heavily biased in that opinion, having been bitten before.

Trying to speak with more reason however: You do need to speak to the guy first. If they were together for a long time, and there are still some raw feelings there, then out of respect for your mate I wouldn't risk hurting the guy.

If they were together for 2 weeks, messed around and then just let it die... then he probably wont be bothered.
 
Caporegime
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Make sure that you ask when you are both standing at a urinal.

That way, he will be so shocked by your disregard for one taboo, he won't mind you disregarding the other.
 
Associate
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find out exactly why they split up, he might save you a lot of hassle in the long run if you find out a bit about her first, i.e. not how you know her as a close friend but what she is like as a girlfriend, there is a big difference!!!!!

/personally i wouldnt touch it, it will never be the same with your mate again!!!! even if he gives you his blessing!
 
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