An Irish man and a French man

Soldato
Joined
14 Jun 2004
Posts
5,357
Jacques Chirac, The French President, is sitting in his office when his
telephone rings.

"Hello, Mr. Chirac!" a heavily accented voice said. "This is Paddy Down at
the Harp Pub in County Clare, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that as
you aren't taking bird flu seriously, and because we are no longer fighting
in Northern Ireland, and because we have lots of guns, ammunition and
explosives to use up, we are officially declaring war on ye!"

"Well, Paddy," Chirac replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is
your army?"

"Right now," says Paddy, after a moment's calculation, "there is meself, me
cousin Sean, me next door neighbour Seamus, and the entire darts team from
the pub. That makes eight!"

Chirac paused. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 100,000 men in my army
waiting to move on my command."

"Begoora!" says Paddy. "I'll have to ring you back."

Sure enough, the next day, Paddy calls again. "Mr. Chirac, the war is still
on. We have managed to get us some infantry equipment!"

"And what equipment would that be Paddy?" Chirac asks.

"Well, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Murphy's farm tractor,"
answers Paddy.

Chirac sighs, amused. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 6,000 tanks and
5,000 armored personnel carriers. Also, I have increased my army to 150,000
since we last spoke."

"Saints preserve us!" says Paddy. "I'll have to get back to you."

Sure enough, Paddy rings again the next day. "Mr. Chirac, the war is still
on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We have modified Jackie
McLaughlin's ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four
boyos from the Shamrock Pub have joined us as well!"

Chirac was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat "I must tell you,
Paddy, that I have 100 bombers and 200 fighter planes. My military bases are
surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last
spoke, I have increased my army to 200,000!"

"Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!" says Paddy, "I will have to ring you back."

Sure enough, Paddy calls again the next day. "Top o'the mornin', Mr. Chirac!
I am sorry to inform you that we have had to call off the war."

"Really? I am sorry to hear that," says Chirac. "Why the sudden change of
heart?"

"Well," says Paddy, "we had a long chat over a few jars of Guinness, and
decided there is no cooking way we can feed 200,000 prisoners."



""TAXI""
 
Associate
Joined
30 Jan 2006
Posts
427
I's sure i read this on this very forum just before christmas, but then their was no bird flu pretext.

Also the army was bigger, progress and downsizing again me thinks.
 
Soldato
Joined
19 Oct 2004
Posts
12,387
Location
Jesmond
shake_head.gif
 
Soldato
Joined
9 Nov 2003
Posts
9,510
Location
The Motor City
Just as bad:


My neighbour found out her dog could hardly hear so she took it to the Veterinarian. He found that the problem was hair in its ears so he cleaned both ears and the dog could hear fine.

The vet then proceeded to tell the lady that if she wanted to keep this from reoccurring she should go to the store and get some "Nair" hair remover and rub it in the dog's ears once a month.

The lady goes to the drug store and gets some "Nair" hair remover. At the register the druggist tells her: "If you're going to use this under your arms don't use deodorant for a few days."

The lady says: "I'm not using it under my arms."

The druggist says: "If you're using it on your legs don't shave for a couple of days."

The lady says: "I'm not using it on my legs either. If you must know, I'm using it on my Schnauzer."

The druggist says: "Stay off your bicycle for a week."
 
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