Friday's joke.

Caporegime
Joined
4 Jul 2004
Posts
30,647
Jock was out working the field when a barnstormer landed.
"I'll give you an airplane ride for £5," said the pilot.
"Sorry, cannae afford it," replied Jock.
"Tell you what," said the pilot, "I'll give you and your wife a free ride if you promise not to yell. Otherwise it'll be £10."
So up they went and the pilot rolled, looped, stalled and did all he could to scare Jock. Nothing worked and the defeated pilot finally landed the plane. Turning around to the rear seat he said, "Gotta hand it to you. For country folk you sure are brave!"
"Aye," said Jock "But ye nearly had me there when the wife fell oot!"

:D

Bonus joke because i'm nice:

Double glazing is doing great business in Scotland in hope that the children cannot hear the icecream van when it comes round.
 
Caporegime
OP
Joined
4 Jul 2004
Posts
30,647
Ok then :p

What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts can't talk.
-
How many elephants does it take to change a light bulb?

Don't be stupid, elephants can't change light bulbs.
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Why do elephants wear tiny green hats?

To sneak across a pool table without being seen.
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What does Tarzan say when he sees a herd of elephants in the distance?

"Look, a herd of elephants in the distance"
-
What was the elephant doing on the motorway?

About 5 mph

LOL

Elephant jokes rule!
 
Last edited:
Soldato
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12 Jun 2005
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2,812
Location
A lake!
What do you call a man who delivers papier-mache to nuns?

Henover VII!


Why did the giraffe choke on a hat?

He thought it was a nut!


What did the big policeman say to the little policeman?

Go west, my son!
 
Caporegime
OP
Joined
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Posts
30,647
monkeypants said:
What do you call a man who delivers papier-mache to nuns?

Henover VII!


Why did the giraffe choke on a hat?

He thought it was a nut!


What did the big policeman say to the little policeman?

Go west, my son!

Not you again LOL :p
 
Man of Honour
Man of Honour
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Location
The Winchester
Two old women were sitting on a park bench when a man in a long overcoat ran up to them and exposed himself.

The first woman had a stroke, the other just admired it from afar.
 
Soldato
Joined
3 Aug 2005
Posts
4,534
Location
UK
Belmit said:
Two old women were sitting on a park bench when a man in a long overcoat ran up to them and exposed himself.

The first woman had a stroke, the other just admired it from afar.
Now, I mean really... like, really... what the...? :o

Lets hope someone accidentally nukes this thread from orbit :(
 
Soldato
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30 Dec 2004
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3,421
Location
Worcestershire
I spose I'd better slavage this thread lol


The pope goes on a visit to Ireland & as he steps off the plane he's amazed that everyone is chanting Elvis 'Elvis 'Elvis'

He gets in the popemobile & as he's being driven along thru the streets he can't believe all the people chanting Elvis 'Elvis' Elvis ' & waving flags & banners with Elvis we love you etc.

When he arrives at the Hotel they have to fight thru the crowds chanting Elvis 'Elvis
Finally he arrives at his hotel room & when he walks in there's a gorgeous naked girl lying on the bed & she says Elvis 'take me ' Elvis ' Elvis


So the pope thinks for a minute & then he goes

Its a one for da money
its a two for da show :p
 
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