Playing favouritsm between one's children

ElRazur · 18 Sep 2006 at 19:55

Those of you who have more than one kid, what is your take on playing favouritism between your children? You cant exactly like/love all of them the same and it is bound to show that one of them is like/love better.

And to those who grew up receiving the bad side of favouritism from your parents, has it affected you in any way?

What advice would those who are experienced in this area give on what to do?

Anyway let me here what the people think.

Gilly · 18 Sep 2006 at 19:57

BTW = by the way, not between.

I can't say I ever noticed favouritism between my brother and I from my parents, nor have I seen it from anyone else. It'd be shockingly bad parenting.

I did see it from my grandparents though, I was the favourite. I felt really bad about it.

Violent-J · 18 Sep 2006 at 19:57

I'm suprised that you love one of your kids more than the other El, I don't believe this is common amongst parents from my experience. When I have children I will love them all equally, not by choice but because I just will.

ElRazur · 18 Sep 2006 at 20:00

Violent-J said:
I'm suprised that you love one of your kids more than the other El, .

At what point did i say that?

EDIT
Gilly

fixed! (i blame txt msg)

Gilly · 18 Sep 2006 at 20:01

ElRazur said:
At what point did i say that?

If I didn't know your first was on the way its the assumption I'd have made too. You talk as if from experience. You say it isn't possible to love your kids equally.

How do you know?

JohnnyG · 18 Sep 2006 at 20:02

I've got an elder & a younger brother and we were hated equally by our parents

vanandjuanunited · 18 Sep 2006 at 20:02

Have 2 sons and they are both treated equally so far as I can ie age plays a part in what they can and cant do but once the younger one is older he will be treated the same as his brother was at that age.

ElRazur · 18 Sep 2006 at 20:03

Gilly said:
If I didn't know your first was on the way its the assumption I'd have made too. You talk as if from experience. You say it isn't possible to love your kids equally.

How do you know?

I think i should have said i was at the other end - Dad showed more likeness for sister for some unknown reason. hence, im basing my experience on saying i dont think one can love all children equally. Same goes to having two wives...

MNuTz · 18 Sep 2006 at 20:08

Violent-J said:
When I have children I will love them all equally, not by choice but because I just will.

You a fortune reader now??

You never know what you will do until your doing it!

I am the eldest of 5 lads, my mum had the eldest 3 with MY dad and the two youngest ones each have a different dad. Im 25 and the others are 23, 19, 13 and 9 (i think

)

My mum always prefered my brother to me (second oldest called Andy), ever since we were little. We used to share a room, we would have to tidy it up together, id start and he would just sit there playing. An arguement would follow mainly from him but mum always came up and told me off, took him downstairs and left me to tidy. Then when my mum and dad split up she was always slagging him off even though she had the affair, i was always told that i was a typical Farnell just like my dad and Andy was a proper Harvey like her.

Obviously as a bright kid i made the link between her slagging my dad off and then saying i was just like him.

a lot of things have messed me up with my head and emotions, still are really. However, i think its made me very independant, all the above propved was that i dont need peoples approval for anything. I judge myself, and that is the only opinion that matters.

jonnyc90 · 18 Sep 2006 at 20:18

My history teacher always grumbles on about how one of his children is the runt of the family and the other is really clever and intelligent and is able to 'take a beating.'
He is a rather strange man though

Tru · 18 Sep 2006 at 20:23

JohnnyG said:
I've got an elder & a younger brother and we were hated equally by our parents

I hear that.

WIBSBOT · 19 Sep 2006 at 11:10

I love both my children in different ways. They both have different personalities and want my attention in different ways, but I always try and give them both encouragement and time equally. Doesn't always work like that but I am aware when I spend more time with one than the other, and will try and compensate at another time.
My 7 year old daughter has to do about 1 hours (mainly reading) homework each night but my 3 year old son does not have any, so I have to try and make time to play 'farmers and cows and dinosaurs'

with him or read to him instead for an hour(ish).

penski · 19 Sep 2006 at 11:12

I hate all children equally.

*n

james.miller · 19 Sep 2006 at 11:15

im 22, i dont have children and i was also an only child. But, i have enough sense about me to know that i could never say for definate that i wouldnt love one child more than another. You just cant predict that.

ones banged up for murder and ones volenteering for a cancer charity; "oh but i love them both the same". i think not.

panthro · 19 Sep 2006 at 11:19

I find that I get treated differently because I am the oldest, eg more responsibility, looking out for my younger siblings, etc, but I know for a fact that my parents love all of us equally.

LeftfieldTilt · 19 Sep 2006 at 11:42

There was favoritism between me and my sis, my sis being the one favoured.

It became apparent when we started to experiment with alcohol, every time I got caught with my hand in the drinks cabinet i got hammered, got preached at about it was stealing etc and grounded. When my sis finally got caught doing it she got a slap on the wrist and a dont do it again as she was going out the door with her mates.

That blew any real hold my folks had over me, after that I did what I pleased more or less.

Kitchster_uk · 19 Sep 2006 at 11:43

penski said:
I hate all children equally.

*n

Indeed. Evil little blighters that drain your wallet, your free time and your sanity. They smell bad, scream, run infront of your trolley in the satanmarket and generally destroy your social life. No thanks!

WIBSBOT · 19 Sep 2006 at 11:50

penski said:
I hate all children equally.

*n

You and Jimmy Saville are one and the same person.

Shoseki · 19 Sep 2006 at 11:51

I wasn't the favourite in my family, though I was the oldest, and academically the strongest, which I think has been harder for my brother and sister to live up to...

I think its more important for each member of the family to develop at their own pace in their own way... harder in some families than others, plus there are always going to be some kids who bond better with their parents because of particular interests than other things.

Its nothing to do with favouritism, I don't think favouritism is conscious. And its pretty ignorant to say you love all your children "equally", as its not possible to measure how much you love someone. I'd say you just had to try and give each of them good quality time, and enjoy life whilst they are developing.

Pebbles · 19 Sep 2006 at 13:08

Each time I was expecting a baby I didnt think it would ever be possible to love the new one as much as I loved the first, and consequently the first two. But I love all three totally and equally without any shadow of a doubt. Do I treat them differently though, yes, of course I do. They are all very individual and what works for one most certainly doesnt work for all. They are all my favourite