My step-brother is ruining the family (long post)

Soldato
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Right, where to begin really... I'm sure some of you will remember my thread ages ago where I was complaining that my step-dad (well, my mums' fiancee at the moment) wouldn't let me have a lock on my bedroom door when I moved into the new house.

Well, I've been here since February and in the last few months I've noticed my step-brother showing total disregard for anyone else. After he's been in the bathroom, it's a complete mess with towels everywhere and an unflushed toilet. He doesn't wash his dishes properly, meaning my mum has to go and do them again, he leaves doors/windows open, walks around the house on brand new carpets with his shoes on... the list goes on.

Anyway, a week ago my mum and her fiancee went away on holiday. I was left to take care of the house. On the Monday night, I was in the dining room having a bit of a mix on my decks (moved them in there to set them up properly) when the door-bell rang. It was 11:30pm so I thought it was one of the neighbours complaining.

I went to answer the door and it was my step-brother (who was supposed to be staying at his mums' that week) with about 5 other friends. I couldn't exactly turn him away, as then if anything had happened to him, I'd be responsible. He obviously thought he'd take advantage of the situation and have a little party. They all came in and started making themselves at home. I went back to have a blast on my decks when some of them came in to listen. About 15 minutes later, more of his friends came over with Vodka.

I decided to stay up all night to keep my eye on them, and went into my bedroom to use my computer. About 30 minutes later, my step-bro and one of his mates came into my room asking me to put a few songs onto his phone. Long story short... it ended with all of his mates in my room dancing etc... they all seemed to be having a good time so I wasn't going to break them up. Afterall, they were doing no harm and I'd much rather they were inside having fun than drinking outside.

Anyway, after most of them had puked their insides up and fallen asleep my step-bro took a girl into my mums' bedroom. They slept there.

I fell asleep and woke up late for work, trusting that he'd clean the house and lock it up securely. When I came home from work, I noticed that my mums' bedroom windows were wide open. "Ok, so he must still be home" I thought to myself. When I got in the house and had a look around, no-one was home, the upstairs windows were wide open, the downstairs front windows were quite far open, the dining room blinds were open (so if anyone climbed over the fence, they'd see my decks on the table), the kitchen windows were open and to top it off, when I checked the back door, it was unlocked :rolleyes:

Now, this really peeved me off, as after having lived with my mum and sisters and then with my dad for the past 20 years, I'd never had to risk my stuff like that before. They've always been very security concious and locked all the doors and windows before going out... even for 10 minutes. I was so angry he'd left the house like this for what was probably 5 hours. Anyone could have walked in.

So, I go and spend the day with my sister and tell her what happened. When my mum gets back from holiday, I don't have a chance to speak to her on her own so don't tell her. Instead, my sister, thinking I'd already told my mum, tells her what had happened. I'm quite glad of it actually, because I was starting to get ever more unsure about mentioning it.

Anyway, my mum comes and speaks to me, asking me what happened. I explain everything and she says she'd wait until after my birthday party to mention it to her fiancee. Sure enough, the day after my birthday party, they both come into my room and I tell him the same thing. My mums' fiancee then asks my step-bro and his mate to get in the car. I've just found out that they went for a drive and my mums' fiancee went absolutely crazy... shouting at his son to get out of the car. My mum said that if he had got out of the car, he (mums' fiancee) would have hit his son. He has a very long fuse, but once it's gone, you better run. He's scared me at times.

Oh, I woke up on Saturday morning at around 8:30am, feeling pretty groggy from my party the night before so went into the kitchen to get a drink, and what's this... the back door is unlocked... again :rolleyes: My step-bro and his mate had gone to football earlier.

Fast forward to yesterday, when I came home from work to find the house empty and the front door just on the Yale lock, not double bolted.

Same thing with today, come home from work, front door is just on the Yale lock. Yeah, so all it takes is for someone to give the front door a few hard kicks and they're in.

My mums' fiancee and his son come home tonight at about 6:30, so I ask my step-bro about the front door not being locked. I mention that it's not only his house anymore and he has to start respecting other people. I also mention the back door being unlocked on Saturday to which he replied "Well, there were other people in the house". Yeah, fast asleep, idiot.

Anyway, he starts acting cocky by walking off saying "Whatever" so I follow him and repeat that he starts respecting other people. He replies with "Well you show respect to me and not shout in my face". LOL, I was stood over the other side of the kitchen talking to him. Not once did I go over to him and start yelling. This really wound me up and I had to refrain from storming up the stairs and smacking him in the face!! That's how mad he makes me.

My mum came home about 9pm and popped her head around my door to let me know she was home. I tell her what happened and we talk for a bit. She tells me that her and her fiancee have had a huge fallout because of what my step-bro has done and shows me her hand... she's taken her engagement ring off.

We're all going to sit down on Sunday and talk about everything, setting some rules that EVERYONE has to stick to. My and my sister never have to be told twice (might sound a bit big headed, but it's true), we always clean up after ourselves. Whereas my step bro is always leaving the kitchen and bathroom in a mess and never double lock the front door, so it's going to be my mums fiancee who has to make his kids (his daughter is pretty good at keeping things tidy) stick to the rules... otherwise my mum has said she'll leave him and we'll find somewhere else to live.

If that happens, someone will have to hold me back because I don't think I'll be able to stop myself from taking my anger out on my step-bro. Afterall, it's him who's put us all in this situation. His complete disregard for the rest of us is putting a massive strain on my mums relationship.

Anyway, I didn't post for opinions as it's all going to get sorted (or not). I just needed a rant. Thanks for reading.
 
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sit him down yourself and have some harsh words, hes gotta realise that he has responsibilities and he cant just keep acting like a ****
 
Soldato
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Berger, he's a typical 16 year old... turned 16 in August.

Glad I was never as lazy and arrogant as him. Not saying I didn't have my moments.

Si, :cool: :D

gib, look what happened when I tried to have a word with him tonight. I was perfectly calm and he just flew off the handle. After he'd gone upstairs, I went to have my tea. I was so close to storming into his room, pulling him off his computer chair and pinning him down while I yelled in his face.

That'd just cause so many problems though.
 

Jez

Jez

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Move out, i got peeved with my family so got my own house.

Sorted, maybe not the easiest solution, but iirc you are over 20? you cant live there forever :)
 
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Jez said:
Sorted, maybe not the easiest solution, but iirc you are over 20? you cant live there forever :)

Yep, just turned 21.

I was going to wait until I had a steady relationship going and move in with my partner, but with my track record, that could take some time. :p

I never felt I could trust my friends' with my things, but that's all changed since I've seen how they've grown up.

It just depends if they're ready to make the move... not to mention have stable full time jobs.
 

Jez

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Its tough i know :( Im in the same situation with friends etc as you, no-one who stands out as being ideal to share with, and my GF is at uni at the moment.

I ended up getting a place on my own, i really like it now actually. The "living room" is now my dedicated home cinema with nothing else in there other than a pile of kit, loads of speakers, and a huge projection screen, ive made the second bedroom into my computer room which means i can leave pc's on all night etc without waking me, and i have a big bedroom too. Not to mention my own bathroom and kitchen.

Its awesome, definately worth working out the figures :)
 
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Ohh, I thought you lived with your gf Jez.

Well, there's one guy I know I could trust (he has a fair bit of expensive stuff himself) but don't think he's ready to move out of his cushy home :p (he knows who he is)

I'd love to get a place of my own. My sister and her boyfriend rent a 2 bedroom house, £350 a month with front and rear gardens, garage, driveway, a really nice place. At the moment I get around £850/month after tax. I guess I could struggle with a small flat, but I want to wait until I'm in a more comfortable position.

I am actually looking for a better paid job at the moment. My current job sucks ass. :(

Nice one on the home cinema. If you look at my sig link, you'll see I'm into that sort of thing too. I've just got my finances sorted, so instead of spending it on the car, I've got plans for loads of new AV kit. Just a shame it'll all go to waste in this house.
 

Jez

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agw_01 said:
I'd love to get a place of my own. My sister and her boyfriend rent a 2 bedroom house, £350 a month with front and rear gardens, garage, driveway, a really nice place. .

Christ :eek: Ive got a small cottage in the grounds of another house for almost double that! And mine is VERY cheap. Gotta love the south for property :(

You have the makings of a good setup there on the AV front matey, all you need now is a projector for movie purposes, a screen, and a room to house it all! (and a couple of fat sofa's)

Good luck sorting your step bro until then :/
 
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agw_01 said:
Yep, just turned 21.

Yes he is an idiot but the door was "not double bolted"?

Your 21 not 50, surely at 21 there are far more, less important issues you should be concerning yourself with.
 
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Yukon said:
Yes he is an idiot but the door was "not double bolted"?

Your 21 not 50, surely at 21 there are far more less important issues you should be concerning yourself with.

No, not really. I value my posessions, and something as simple as spending an extra 5 seconds locking the door can stop the opportunist theif.

I know things can be easily replaced, but I'd rather keep the stuff I have.

Heh Jez, I wanted a PJ but my mum wouldn't let me drill holes for the mount. Ah well, I'll build a bracket and mount it on the side of my wardrobe (it'd be directly in line with the curtains).

Cheers for the kind words. We'll see how it goes.
 
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I personally think you need to get out more!

The potentially son-hitting dad sounds like more of a problem than your brother to me. Yet thats responsible parenting isn't it :rolleyes:

I can't see a problem in this thread other than he didn't secure your back door to fort knox standard and - get this - wore shoes on the carpet :eek:
 
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Chronos-X said:
I personally think you need to get out more!

The potentially son-hitting dad sounds like more of a problem than your brother to me. Yet thats responsible parenting isn't it :rolleyes:

I can't see a problem in this thread other than he didn't secure your back door to fort knox standard and - get this - wore shoes on the carpet :eek:

Ah yes, I was expecting a reply like this. Got the same kind of thing with my 'door lock' thread.

So, you spend £400+ on a new carpet. Your son walks on it with muddy shoes... oh look, a nice big dirty stain that won't come out. I guess you'd be just fine with that wouldn't you.

And, if your son had sex in YOUR bed, you'd be ok with it and ask your son how he thought the extra soft springs helped him with his technique?

Please, think about it as though you were in my/my mum/her fiancee's shoes.
 
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Soldato
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Sounds like a typical teenager, loads of people go through it. Bit of an overreaction if you ask me, hardly ruining the family. God help you if you did have to go through something that tore a family apart.

I have been there and done all this with my brother, they eventually grow out of it and until then there is nothing you can do. He needs a short sharp shock. My brother moved out and started a new job, he is now pleasant and a decent person again within the space of 3 months.
 
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There are certain situations where you can walk on a carpet and not have to baby it - even if it is new (I'd rather it was slightly less than 100% than live in a constant state of paranoia about it). What are you doing still living with your folks anyway, tbh?

I don't think mum needed to know about the bed situation either. Hardly crime of the century - it happens.
 
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