So the wife called me up yesterday (absolute classic)

[Scrutinize]

Mid afternoon, my wife calls me on the mobile really worried, paniky and agitated. She was out with her mum (my mother in law ) doing some shopping and had got back to her mums car.

wife "er help, were in the car and all the indicators are flashing, they won't stop..what should we do (all sounding really worried and trying to describe whats going on)"

I can hear my mother in law in the background talking and getting really bothered by it saying "what do I do..oh..oh ...oh"

So I stop and have a think. I can hear them getting more paniky now over the phone, I mean they're only driving out of the car park, you would have thought the brakes had failed on the motorway from the response I was getting.

me having thought long and hard for all of 5 secconds "have you turned the hazzard lights on".....ah yes, my mother in law had turned her hazzards on and was completly oblivious to this or the obvious effect of hitting the big red triangle button* on the dash (*which was also flashing brightly) crisis over.

I mean there is dippy and then there is that. But this reminded me of the good old Harry Enfield women for pitys sake don't drive sketch found here (incase you never seen it)

On a plus note my wife decided to start some modifications on my fiesta the other day which I wasn't expecting ...I never liked the passenger mirror anyway.

 

[Del Lardo]

Now while it's a reasonably funny anecdote that I hope you embarrass your wife with for years to come I find it rather concerning that someone who can’t work out that they have the hazard lights on actually has a driving license. Retests every 5-10 years tbh.

 

[Magic_x_uk]

I can beat that,
some years ago me and my partner went to Blackpool for the weekend, found a 24 hour multi story to park the car in whilst we were there and she said to me......................BUT CAN WE LEAVE IT IN HERE OVERNIGHT!

 

[The Edge]

I was treated to real classic one way conversation between my mate and his wife a few years ago. He was trying to tell her how to pop the bonnet...

"Yeah it's under the wheel"

"What do you mean there's no lever?"

"well try the steering wheel"

Priceless!

 

[D4VE]

That is shocking, every driver should have reasonable knowledge of their car and that is something sooo basic!

 

[Serj]

A girl i was seeing a few months ago shreiked with fright and screamed "whats that!" as i turned on my headlights and the pop ups came up

 

[Del Lardo]

A girl i was seeing a few months ago shreiked with fright and screamed "whats that!" as i turned on my headlights and the pop ups came up

[Insert 'girls scream when mine pops up' joke here]

 

[georges]

Lol.. your car has the ability to strike fear into people

 

[Septh]

Think I can beat that, girlfriend goes out in my car with her friend, phones me up from a car park and says "the car won't start, its turning over but won't start" panicing, really worried shes broken my car.
So I start phoning/texting my friends trying to get a lift to where she was, then she phones me "oh, no worries, I was using the key for my car not yours"
To be fair tho, we both have feistas with the same looking key but, mine has a blue tag on it! I've never her forget it. but at least I know the immobilser works

 

[lordrobs]

Had a couple of moments courtesy of the gf.

1) Pulls up outside my parents place when I was living at home. "My car keeps spluttering" I go outside click the ignition 2 clicks temp gauge goes up fuel gauge doesn't flinch. Grap petrol for lawn mower, stuck it in and told her to drive to the petrol station at the end of the road.

2) Get a phone call- "I've done something silly. I started my car to let it warm up whilst I changed my shoes. I got in the passenger side to put my trainers on and locked the door, went to the drivers side and out of habbit I must have locked that too." "So basically your saying you've locked your keys in the car with the car running" "er.... yes" Had to drive to her parents place to get the spare key then drive to where she worked. Needless to say the car had fully warmed up by the time I'd got there

oh and 3) go to bump start her car because the battery had died, explained what she had to do. "So you've got that right" "yeah, got it" I push and nearly give myself a hernia. "Sorry so I need to put my foot on the clutch then?" Ended up pushing from drivers side and jumping in and doing it myself.

 

[RoboCod]

2) Get a phone call- "I've done something silly. I started my car to let it warm up whilst I changed my shoes. I got in the passenger side to put my trainers on and locked the door, went to the drivers side and out of habbit I must have locked that too." "So basically your saying you've locked your keys in the car with the car running" "er.... yes" Had to drive to her parents place to get the spare key then drive to where she worked. Needless to say the car had fully warmed up by the time I'd got there

That's hilarious!

 

[chesterstu]

On a plus note my wife decided to start some modifications on my fiesta the other day which I wasn't expecting ...I never liked the passenger mirror anyway.

That has really cheered me up for strange reason, the amusing thing i have read all week

 

[Sagalout]

On the old rover we had, I got an agitated call from the mrs saying she had parked the car to pick the kids up from nursery, but she had to abandon the car and walk home because it wouldn't go into reverse gear to get out of the space. Rather worridly, I got to the car, wondering what on earth had gone wrong and how much it would cost. Started the car, engaged reverse and drove off. This happenned twice. 'Til the day we sold it she was adamant that 4th gear didnt work either.

She also absolutely will not attempt any form of parallel park and avoids reverse at all costs. She drives round and round a supoermarket looking for a double space so she can drive into it, through it and be facing out of the next one.

She knocked off an £80 wing mirror shortly after passing her test. Two weeks later, after getting it fixed she knocked the same one off again. I didnt ever repair it after that. She also managed to scrape the entire left hand side as she went round a corner that a white van was parked on (on double yellows). Basically she cant grasp that the back of the car trainls the front, so as soon as the front wheels are past an object she turns sharply, not realising that the back end will effectively cut the corner.

Amazingly she hasnt hit anything for a couple of years (touches wood)

 

[daveyj27]

Ok, this is going back to around 1992/3 IIRC.

The Chairman of the company I worked for back then had an absolutely beautiful two-door Merc coupe (i'm not sure of the specific model, but it was one of the classics). He also had a huge house in Mill Hill, with a drive that led slightly down from street level, and an in-ground swimming pool.
He got his elderly father into the passenger seat one morning, and then popped back into the house for something. When he came back out, the car, and elderly father, were at the bottom of the pool.
Thank God, the terrified old fellow was retrieved unhurt but obviously shaken up. Apparently he'd been playing with the interior switches and things, and had let the handbrake off.

The story made the papers back then, but it may have only been the local rag or something.

 

[pitchfork]

How the hell did they pass their tests, sorry mate but thats pretty umm... daft.
Come on I could've worked that out when I was 10.

 

[CocoPops]

My favourite phrase comes to mind here...

"If you can't Park/Use/Understand it... don't drive it!"

 

[ihatelag]

Well...my Dad asked my Mum to put petrol in the car from the canister in the boot. So the following day my Dad started the car, and it would not start...found out my Mum used premium engine oil instead of petrol. Class.

Mum: "how should I know the car doesn't run on engine oil...that just sounds stupid, you put engine oil down the pipe to run the engine..."

Somehow my Dad got told off by my Mum.....no idea how that works out...but ah well....

 

[penski]

Well...my Dad asked my Mum to put petrol in the car from the canister in the boot. So the following day my Dad started the car, and it would not start...found out my Mum used premium engine oil instead of petrol. Class.

Mum: "how should I know the car doesn't run on engine oil...that just sounds stupid, you put engine oil down the pipe to run the engine..."

Somehow my Dad got told off by my Mum.....no idea how that works out...but ah well....

...You have much to learn of the ways of women...

*n

 

[ihatelag]

...You have much to learn of the ways of women...

*n

There is some truth in that

 

[Phate]

Got a couple of classics

My mum was driving in Upminster and managed to hit a bollard and it was my fault.....disregarding the fact I was at work in London at the time

Another time Mum asked to borrow the Saab as her car was in for servicing/repairs (that thing is always bloody braking down) - anyway, So I leave her the spare key and head off to work with my original key in my pocket.

Now the spare DOES have an immobiliser.

I'm at work and my phone rings

Me: Hello?

all I can hear is this loud siren going off, sounded like a fire truck or something then my Mum very calmly said

Mum: "Jacob, how do I get into your car?"
Me (trying not to crack up with laughter): You unlock it and open the door
Mum: Ok, let me rephrase, how do I get into your car when I opened the door, and put the key in the ignition to turn the alarm off, and that didn't work so got out to ring you and it's now locked itself

Obviously we couldn't wait 6 hours for me to get home and unlock it with the alarm going my Dad used one of his "sources" to get a spare to open it.