Non-Christian dating a Christian

[D_Brasted]

Care to explain why?

 

[Solari]

A friend of mine was with a Christian bird once and let's just say he never got to sample the goods, although after a bit of pleading, he got some orally applied enjoyment Didn't work in the end as she was so committed to her faith and he just got frustrated.

 

[Scrutinize]

Firstly, in this post and this is important, I would like to say that my definition of a Christian is one that believes Jesus was the Son of God, was crucified and was resurrected so that people may be forgiven of their sins. I.e. the full blown OT/NT Jesus loving Christians. None of this half way house stuff.

This thread is a joke right?

You know, there are a lot of people in the situation the OP is in and it can be very stressful. There are essentially 2 outcomes.

1) Does the Christian follow their faith to the letter and not date the non Christian; or
2) Does the Christian ignore one aspect of their faith to date the non Christian

Aye,

No sex before marriage!

Now baring in mind the two points above, if the Christian does date the non Christian there are likely to be two opposing views on the “no sex before marriage” issue. One may think it is ok the other may see it as against their faith.

But to be clear the whole “no sex before marriage” is an issue that affects couples in a relationship when they are both Christians as well so, it is not exclusive to this situation.

There are some very sound reasons for the whole “no sex before marriage” if you are a Christian, I don’t think it is necessary to go into them in this thread

I do respect them, and am definatly not going to encourage her to rebel.

Has anyone on here been in a smiliar situation?

It is a difficult situation to be in and I have known loads of people in the same boat as you.

It would be useful to know what exactly she believes in and what exactly her faith entails, as per my definition of a Christian at the top of this post. The reason I say this is, if she is a proper Christian (to the definition) then all the rules apply, if it was some half way house denomination of the faith who ignore some teachings in the bible but practice others then it can make a difference. (There are denominations and sects within the primary ones)

This really is a hard one for both of you, and, in the strictest sense, you two should not date. There are many reasons for this which include having two different outlooks on life (even if you are similar) where one believes in Jesus being the Son of God and one doesn’t. The most obvious things that can come out of this are;

1) Sex before marriage is a no no. However this is too big a thing to discuss in this thread/post and can easily be misunderstood.
2) Going to Church can be an important part of a Christian’s life for the teaching and sharing of fellowship/friendship with other Christians, so if the Christian wants to go, the non-Christian should happily go along too (which I think you have been), or be supportive of this.

3) One of the hardest things about being in a Christian + Non-Christian relationship for the Christian (especially), is not being able to share your faith and build each others faith as you would do if you were both Christians. For Christians, having God/Jesus at the centre of your relationship is a key foundation.

In truth though, only you two can make the decision of whether to date, and this stage is not as stressful as dealing with the above three points which will crop up.

Christian + Non-Christian relationships do work out.

 

[Nix]

I love how it's always the non-believer who has to sacrifice for the believer almost implying quite uncritically that Christianity is correct.

A non-believer does not have to sacrifice his/her beliefs to abstain from religion or a different religion just as much as the believer does not have to give up their own faith. Please remember that there are two parties involved here, not just a believer and some 'naive heathen'. Conversely, an atheist may see this as a 'naive child' who believes in fairy-tales and such, wasting their valuable time in church is not something they would wish to do, so it's fundementally wrong to assume that a non-believer has to conform to what the believer wants.

Live and let live!

The simple fact is, faith should not come before people. People are tangible. We know that relationships exist with family, friends and spouses whereas we still don't have any proof in favour of a deity, etc. If people are stupid enough to choose their faith over people, then so be it but no one else is obliged to.

Also Zip, I wouldn't dismiss those remarks about the bible being 'man-made'. It didn't magically appear out of thin air you know. Someone had to write it.

 

[Tru]

Nobody should have to respect anybody's religious views.

Doing something because you have to is different from doing something because it's right.

 

[Scrutinize]

I love how it's always the non-believer who has to sacrifice for the believer almost implying quite uncritically that Christianity is correct.

A non-believer does not have to sacrifice his/her beliefs to abstain from religion or a different religion just as much as the believer does not have to give up their own faith. Please remember that there are two parties involved here, not just a believer and some 'naive heathen'.

For a true/strict Christian, it is a big ask to go against what they believe. Irrespective of whether what they believe is proven to be correct or not. To go against ones own faith and teachings of that faith is not a fair expectation without appreciation of the reasonings and consequences.

Conversely, an atheist may see this as a 'naive child' who believes in fairy-tales and such, wasting their valuable time in church is not something they would wish to do, so it's fundementally wrong to assume that a non-believer has to conform to what the believer wants.

That would be a very selfish approach to a relationship. This is exactly the point, such conflict in a relationship would not be beneficial to the relationship (and this applies to any aspect of each others lives in a relationship with or without religion).

If you are going to date a Christian you need to accept and support them or it wouldn't be much of a relationship. It would be very selfish. Whether you like it or agree with it, it is the reality of it.

And this is one of the complexities of the Christian + non-christian relationship, remember I am talking about Christians in the true deffinition of the term. A lot of people don't understand the disparities and you can't just shrug it off.

 

[OpenToSuggestions]

Besides, most bible verses can be twisted into whatever meaning you want.

yup, like a minority of muslims think their sacred book tells them torrorise

 

[Nix]

If you are going to date a Christian you need to accept and support them or it wouldn't be much of a relationship. It would be very selfish. Whether you like it or agree with it, it is the reality of it.

I'd say live and let live but obviously that just isn't good enough. You want me to goto church too. I would never stop a spouse from going to church if they wanted but you're implying that non-believers don't have a choice in the matter. It's all rather selfish, but hey... it's faith.

 

[jezsoup]

The general view is that it doesn't work. It even lead to more STDs and more pregnancies in the long run. This is due to the fact that abstinance based sexual education also tends to mean not being taught the other part of sexual education, the bit about babies and contraception. So when they fall off the abstinance wagon (as they invariably do) they tend not to use any protection.

Well perhaps the schools should teach about contraceptions a bit better then. Dont go blaming religion for people catching STI's. Everything Christianity teaches will actually lower rates of STI's. I saw some figures at uni about STI's. In Northern Ireland, a palce of relativley high Christianity, levels of STI's were lower than the rest of the UK. This was attributed to the fact abstinance was practiced more over there!

 

[jezsoup]

Protection? Excuse me, telling kids who to date (and not by personality, simply by religion) is in no way relevant to protection.

Does Christianity do that? No. Think/get informed before you post. Christianity advises its best not to be "unequally yoked" which TBH is common sense!


Rates of STI's and teenage pregnancy is far lower amongst christian communities than secular communities. We must be doing something right!

 

[MNuTz]

Have you ever just thought that the whole religion thing is a polite way of telling you to get lost?

 

[Scrutinize]

I'd say live and let live but obviously that just isn't good enough. You want me to goto church too.

Nope, I said the following which gave a couple of options, either go along or be supportive. You don't have to go to be supportive.

non-Christian should happily go along too, or be supportive of this.

I would never stop a spouse from going to church if they wanted but you're implying that non-believers don't have a choice in the matter. It's all rather selfish, but hey... it's faith.

It is not selfish, it is realistic to the situation. But from your point of view, how would that be a great relationship?

so it's fundementally wrong to assume that a non-believer has to conform to what the believer wants

The non-believer should be willing to conform, accept, support and so on, or the relationship would be poles appart.

This does not mean they must share the beliefs of the other. Instead as with all parts of a relationship you love and support the other person in what they are and what they do. You make sacrifices, they make sacrifices .

 

[Alexrose1uk]

So the start of his relationship is going to be based on deceit, lovely. Added to this if he gets found out it will makes things impossible and it will be well and truly over without much hope of it ever being put right.

And you've pulled that far too far out of context. I never said he was going to lie to the actual girl, or be deceitful about his feeling, but simply make an effort and show of being more devout than he really is at the start, to appease the family, that way the parents should come to know him better, rather than not letting him get his foot in the door so to speak. If he decides to revert completely later, and the family dont like it, they should know him well enough by then to make a fair judgement, rather than based on initial malfeeling due to dissimilar beliefs. He may also find he prefers the extra christian aspects in his life, and being able to share that with his girlfriend. At the end of the day, as a parent, shouldnt her parents be a little more worried that shes happy in a relationship after say 1 year, and that her partner is supportive of her and her beliefs, than whether her partner has fallen out of the 'light', and decided to head back to wherever?

 

[-Nick-]

it all depends what sort of christian she is.

i've had the same problem, we chose not to do anything cause she is a "power christian" and well ye know... lol

 

[psyr33n]

Does Christianity do that? No. Think/get informed before you post. Christianity advises its best not to be "unequally yoked" which TBH is common sense!

I'm not talking about Christian dogma you tart, but teachings I was subject to. You can read, right?

 

[Jumpingmedic]

1: Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, 2: when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear.

13: And a woman who has a husband who does not believe, if he is willing to live with her, let her not divorce him.

14: For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband; otherwise your children would be unclean, but now they are holy.

 

[DavidMarq]

As I mentioned earlier in the thread I am not a beleiver and my wife is Christian. We were married in an Anglican High Church (as close to Catholic as it gets within the CofE). My wife had been a member of this church from quite a young age when she joined it to initially to sing in the choir. She found God there and was baptised and subsequently confirmed.

I had always vowed never to marry in a church because as a non-believer I thought this would be an act of hypocrisy. As things turned out my love for my prospective wife was greater then my need not to be a hypocrite and I agreed to the church wedding. My partner would have been content with a registry office, but I knew her dream was for the full church wedding.

We approached Father Melvin at her church and explained to him with total honesty our position. The view he took was that ideally I should join the church, but realising that this was not possible for me he still agreed to conduct the marriage.

Father Melvin took the view that he could see that we were very happy together and very much in love. He was of the opinion that God had chosen us to be together regardless of my lack of faith. It was on this basis that he felt able to marry us in his church. As neither of us lived in the parish at the time I don't believe he was actually obliged to do this.

I was required to attend church on several occasions before the wedding for the reading of the banns etc.

It is now nearly eight years later and my wife and I are very happy together. She has God, I don't, but it has never been an issue between us. We can discuss issues of faith or lack of faith quite openly and without conflict. We don't have a need to change each others views. I do know that she would like me to find God at some point, but is accepting of the fact that this is unlikely ever to happen.

So in summery Christian/Non_Christian relationships can and sometimes do work out ok.

 

[dafloppyone]

CONVERT HEATHEN!!!! OR BE DAMNED!!!!!!

 

[Zefan]

She needs to work out what's most important to her, religion or a relationship.

Personally I would back right off, if someone told me they didn't want to be with me because I didn't believe in their god I would have no time for them at all and would most likely not really want to speak to them anymore.

It's comparable to saying they don't want their daughter going out with any kids of a different race, incredibly rude and to be quite honest unfair.

 

[Zip]

She needs to work out what's most important to her, religion or a relationship.

Personally I would back right off, if someone told me they didn't want to be with me because I didn't believe in their god I would have no time for them at all and would most likely not really want to speak to them anymore.

It's comparable to saying they don't want their daughter going out with any kids of a different race, incredibly rude and to be quite honest unfair.

But she hasnt said that she doesnt want tio be with him unless he converts.