1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

A funny thing happened to me yesterday

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Tru, 15 Aug 2006.

  1. Tru

    Mobster

    Joined: 18 Oct 2002

    Posts: 2,959

    Location: OcUK Peoples Champion

    I couldn't be bothered cooking last night so I went out to my favourite Chinese restaurant. They serve great Cantonese cuisine, along with a fine selection of Chinese booze. The staff are very pleasant and the service is of an impeccable quality. They always appreciate it when I ask for chopsticks instead of cutlery, although I suspect that's because they enjoy watching me fling my meal all over the joint.

    Anyway, I ordered Stir Fried Beef and, seeing as I was on my own, some spare ribs. Spare ribs are one of those foods you never order on a date. There is simply no dignified way to eat them, and your date isn't going to want to be felt up by a pair of greasy, lemony hands.

    The meal was nice, but very filling. I'd managed to get a good 80% inside my mouth so I was more satisfied than usual. I fancied a sweet so I slipped one of the ribs into my jacket pocket. 'That'll do for supper', I thought. Just then the waiter appeared to clear my dishes, "Would you like a sweet?” he asked in a heavy accent, 'Yes, I'll have some Ice Cream, please', I replied.

    As he scurried off through the swinging doors I noticed a wasp hovering above the seat in front of me. I don't like wasps at the best of times, but when they hang around when I'm eating I really get annoyed. I wanted to kill this creature with minimum fuss, I was in public after all. I deftly tugged the napkin off my lap and flicked it in the direction of my flying foe.

    I connected! But only just. Disaster. I have angered the beast. It came straight for me. The smell of the spare rib in my pocket, mixed with the fear in my heart was irresistible to it. I had to take evasive action; I dived under the floor length tablecloth and hid like a baby.

    I don't know how long I was under there. I was disorientated and my phone was outside my panic room. What's more, it was in the same pocket as my supper so the winged demon wouldn't be far away. Just as the pins and needles in my legs were getting unbearable I felt the floorboards rock, ever so slightly. 'It's the waiter!', I realised. I was safe. Once I could see his shadow against the white linen, I lifted the cloth and tentatively poked my head out.

    I tugged on his trouser leg and asked, 'Is that wasp away?'

    'No!’, he replied, startled, β€˜It’s Vanilla'
     
    Last edited: 15 Aug 2006
  2. JRS

    Capodecina

    Joined: 6 Jun 2004

    Posts: 16,771

    Location: Burton-on-Trent

    TAXI!

    Bad, even by GD joke standards :)
     
  3. Andelusion

    Capodecina

    Joined: 1 Oct 2003

    Posts: 14,339

    Location: Huddersfield

    Wasp-away, ha ha very good :p That penny took a while to drop :D
     
  4. Andr3w

    Capodecina

    Joined: 6 Oct 2004

    Posts: 19,735

    Location: England

    Dam i got excited by your thread Tru, thats just poor :p
     
  5. shifty_uk

    Capodecina

    Joined: 27 Sep 2004

    Posts: 12,984

    Location: Glasgow

    I don't get it :confused:

    What's waspaway?
     
  6. A5H

    Banned

    Joined: 7 Aug 2005

    Posts: 1,531

    Location: Teesside

    raspberry?
     
  7. penski

    PermaBanned

    Joined: 9 May 2005

    Posts: 20,834

    Location: NE8

    Awesome.

    I can't be bothered to type out a relevant joke so you can just have the punchline:

    "You say it 'fRied Rice', you Gleek git!"

    *n
     
  8. shifty_uk

    Capodecina

    Joined: 27 Sep 2004

    Posts: 12,984

    Location: Glasgow

    Ahh, it sounds nothing like waspaway :confused:

    Oh well, back to work...
     
  9. snow patrol

    Mobster

    Joined: 20 Oct 2002

    Posts: 3,911

    Location: London

    think about it...
     
  10. slap ed

    Hitman

    Joined: 14 Jan 2005

    Posts: 746

    Location: swadlincote

    made me giggle :)
     
  11. snow patrol

    Mobster

    Joined: 20 Oct 2002

    Posts: 3,911

    Location: London

    it sort of sounds like how a person with a heavy chinese accent might say it though, which is the crux of the joke basically.
     
  12. Kerplunk

    Sgarrista

    Joined: 10 Jan 2006

    Posts: 9,041

    Location: Bournemouth tbh

    So much for a 'comedy genius' :rolleyes:













    :p
     
  13. shifty_uk

    Capodecina

    Joined: 27 Sep 2004

    Posts: 12,984

    Location: Glasgow

    Yes I know, wasberry, but doesn't sound like wawsp away.
    Or maybe it does :o
     
  14. Tru

    Mobster

    Joined: 18 Oct 2002

    Posts: 2,959

    Location: OcUK Peoples Champion

    Ah, the dreaded get out clause smiley.
     
  15. norm

    Soldato

    Joined: 21 Jan 2003

    Posts: 5,164

    Was this an *ACTUAL* story into which you weaved a witty punchline or simply just a very laborious build-up to a joke?
     
  16. Kerplunk

    Sgarrista

    Joined: 10 Jan 2006

    Posts: 9,041

    Location: Bournemouth tbh

    ;)
     
  17. penski

    PermaBanned

    Joined: 9 May 2005

    Posts: 20,834

    Location: NE8

    Tru *ACTUALLY* puts spare ribs in his jacket pockets...

    *n
     
  18. kitten_caboodle

    Soldato

    Joined: 21 Jul 2005

    Posts: 5,463

    Location: Frack off, nosey

    lol, where DID you get that phrase from :D

    I laughed, for what it's worth. I rather enjoyed the way you 'set the scene' too - I could almost picture you there with the rib in your pocket.
     
  19. Tru

    Mobster

    Joined: 18 Oct 2002

    Posts: 2,959

    Location: OcUK Peoples Champion

    It's essentially true, but I embellished a bit. My life story needs artistic licence to make it even mildly entertaining.
    Ha I can't remember now, some terribly astute person posted it, couldn't have been in GD. :p
     
  20. Greenlizard0

    Man of Honour

    Joined: 15 Mar 2004

    Posts: 28,189

    Location: Liverpool

    Funnier than the joke itself! Roffles...


    No seriously, good build up to the joke, I like ones you can tell with a bit of action and accent :)