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Advice: Best method of suicide after this

Discussion in 'GD Archive' started by VDO, 21 Feb 2005.

  1. VDO

    Mobster

    Joined: 31 Aug 2003

    Posts: 3,117

    Location: 202.141.249.***

    I think I've just gone through the most embarrassing experience of my entire seventeen years of existence. I'm currently sitting in my room, pondering how best to disappear from society. Allow me to elaborate on the circumstances, and then you can advise me on just how I should accomplish this.

    Lets start with a brief description of the main culprit here: a pair of shorts. To be more specific, a pale yellow pair of rather short sleeping shorts. These have served me relatively well during their lifespan, but they have one feature I have never liked.
    You all know, I'm sure of the slot in almost all gents' 'waist-down' garments meant to serve as an aid to taking a leak, mostly controllable with a zip, the theory being that, when a man feels the urge to expose himself for whatever reason, he simply unzips rather then pulling everything down.
    Well, these shorts have one. An unusually long one. However, there is no zip - the function of controlling the size of the opening is controlled here by buttons. Which is fine by me. However, along the entire length of the slot, there is one (1) button, positioned roughly in the centre of the slot, which leaves rather a lot of slot on both sides. More than enough to fit, say, a penis through. You see where this is going, don't you?

    Anyway, back to my story. Next, I'll tell you the basic circumstances which allowed the unfortunate event I shall describe to take place.
    School was off today, for some odd reason. Not that I mind. In fact, I celebrated by sleeping until two in the afternoon, and then immediately diving into lunch, which was drawn out until about half past three.
    Of course, when sleeping, I wore my sleeping clothes, as one tends to do. These consisted of one (1) nondescript T-shirt, and, bringing up the rear of the ensemble, a certain pair of pale yellow shorts.
    Seeing as it was already almost four o clock by the time I'd finished lunch, and seeing as I had no plans to go out that day, and I wasn't aware of any visitors scheduled to visit the house, I thought I'd just stay in these clothes until tomorrow, prevent myself having to change, and save some washing up.
    I really thought I was being quite the planner at the time.

    Now, I was in my room, doing various things which are irrelevant to the story, when I suddenly remembered that I'd left my mobile phone on the table at lunchtime. 'No problem', I thought, 'I'll just walk down and get it, I could probably use the exercise'. So thinking, I walked off to the dining room.
    To my surprise, there were people using it. As it turned out, my mum had two co-workers over (or perhaps they were students/interns, they looked about 25 or so). Both female, and both fairly attractive, and they were all sitting at the table discussing something.
    Well, I thought that it would be impolite not to introduce myself briefly, so I'd just get it over with, pick up the phone, and leave. Let me explain to you next, the way everyone was seated. My mum was sitting on one side of the table, and my phone was on a smaller table behind her. The other two were seated on the other side of the table, directly opposite.
    I'm certain you can see where this is going now.

    Getting back to the story, I walked over to my phone, picked it up, and standing behind and just to the side of my mum, introduced myself. While I still had everyone's attention, I felt a little itch on my stomach. I had my appendix out ages ago, and the scar sometimes inexplicably itches. Nothing serious, it goes away when I scratch it. So, naturally enough, I put my hand under my T-shirt and scratched it, and it stopped itching.

    At this point, I felt an odd coolness 'down there', as if there was a breeze blowing in my shorts. I also noticed the two co-workers first look shocked, then try very hard to contain smiles. Or giggles, I couldn't tell.
    In a bit, I decided that I didn't really care whether it was smiles or giggles they were trying to contain, because when I looked down, I noticed that my penis had fallen right out of the slot, and was standing around in full view of everyone who was looking, as if waiting to be formally introduced. "Everyone who was looking" encompassed, of course, the two aforementioned giggling co-workers - my mum was luckily looking at a paper on the table.

    The last time I'd been in this situation in public, my age was probably measured in months

    When I noticed this situation, I mentioned something about everyone "having seen enough of me", and attempting (unsuccessfully, no doubt) to leave the room before my face took on the hue and colour of a ripe tomato.

    As it turns out, my body had decided that it disliked my genitals being confined inside these shorts, and had somehow slipped them through one of the slots I've said so much about, without my noticing. They had then been covered by my T-shirt, until I felt the urge to scratch myself. In company.

    Needless to say, this has been rather upsetting for me. So I thought I'd share my embarrasment and make someone happy today.
     
  2. Bodak

    Mobster

    Joined: 22 Sep 2003

    Posts: 3,858

    "See anything you like?"
     
  3. Skully

    Sgarrista

    Joined: 6 Jan 2004

    Posts: 9,649

    Location: Halesowen

    More embarrasing than the cockroach thing?

    Personally, I'd use this to my advantage, you can claim that you're so well endowed it always falls out your clothes...
     
  4. Tomdun

    Wise Guy

    Joined: 16 Dec 2004

    Posts: 1,673

    Location: Isle of Wight

    Haha!
     
  5. Roberta

    Mobster

    Joined: 27 Mar 2004

    Posts: 4,756

    Location: Swansea

    Sorry - Dawn is currently on phone and 3 forums at once making her post in wrong threads and talk in the third person.
     
    Last edited: 21 Feb 2005
  6. Puzzled

    Soldato

    Joined: 9 Jul 2003

    Posts: 7,123

    HaHaHaHaHa :D :D

    Go stand near a waist height draw and slam it shut til you've been cleansed of sin. :p
     
  7. Andr3w

    Capodecina

    Joined: 6 Oct 2004

    Posts: 19,553

    Location: England

    lmfao what has you mum said about it all?
     
  8. Bri

    Mobster

    Joined: 19 Oct 2003

    Posts: 4,839

    Location: Sunny Teesside

    [Nelson]

    Ha Ha!

    [/Nelson]


    :D
     
  9. glissando

    PermaBanned

    Joined: 29 Dec 2004

    Posts: 499

    Ohs noes 4 u.
     
  10. andyfield

    Wise Guy

    Joined: 4 Dec 2002

    Posts: 1,858

    Priceless :)
     
  11. sk0r

    Gangster

    Joined: 3 Mar 2004

    Posts: 378

    Location: NOTTS LOL

    Just can't help yourself
     
  12. Iceman

    Mobster

    Joined: 6 Mar 2004

    Posts: 2,793

    Location: North Wales (Flintshire)

    Rather you than me
    Or well maybe not :eek:
     
  13. VDO

    Mobster

    Joined: 31 Aug 2003

    Posts: 3,117

    Location: 202.141.249.***

    To be honest, I don't actually know whether this is more embarrassing than the cockroach thing... that was pretty bad too, but I'm still in the please-let-me-sink-into-the-floor stage about this.

    And I'm not sure my mum knows - she didn't see it, and I haven't heard any outbursts of directed-at-someone-i.e.-me laughter yet (they're still there). Hopefully, she won't find out, though!
     
  14. Blackstar

    Mobster

    Joined: 8 Jan 2005

    Posts: 3,063

    Location: Edinburgh

    Oh god, I had a boob moment just like this...in fact i've had a few lol.
     
  15. Jake 2.0

    Banned

    Joined: 16 Dec 2002

    Posts: 10,237

    compared it to his dad perhaps :p (in my defence someone has already MENTIONED this previously in another thread which i cannot remember the title of!)

    PS> this should make you wear proper clothes from now on :D

    PS> best method of suicide = leave everything to me in your will and go and jump of a cliff!! the initial jump will be hard but once you do it, its out of your hand!
     
  16. RandomTom

    Sgarrista

    Joined: 28 Sep 2004

    Posts: 8,541

    ROLFFF!!!!!!!!!!!!! ROFFLE WAFFLES.

    aww poor you. hahahaha. sorry.
     
  17. Rich_L

    Capodecina

    Joined: 18 Oct 2002

    Posts: 18,170

    Location: Santa Barbara, Californee

    Hehehehe man I shouldnt laugh...I'm sure you will.....eventually! Look on the bright side, at least your mum didn't get an eyeful too!
     
  18. mmj_uk

    Capodecina

    Joined: 26 Dec 2003

    Posts: 24,348

    Just laugh it off mate, there's no point in getting down about it.

    You never know they might visit a lot more often from now on.

    lol. :D
     
  19. PinkPig

    Mobster

    Joined: 7 Jun 2004

    Posts: 3,531

    Eeek! Nasty. Nearly as bad as the time when I (aged about 5) went swimming having taken off my clothes (including underwear) and had forgotten to put my swimming trunks on. Most disturbing afterwards...
     
  20. Jake 2.0

    Banned

    Joined: 16 Dec 2002

    Posts: 10,237

    u were aged 5 tho? surely it shouldnt matter at that age?