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Advice on the missus needed :/

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Jamie1984, 5 May 2006.

  1. Jamie1984

    Gangster

    Joined: 20 Oct 2005

    Posts: 427

    Location: Newcastle Upon Tyne

    Ok....so I was getting some premium rate text dating service and after complaining to icstis I got a letter back saying they werent unsolicited and a someone had texted 'MAN' with the nickname 'Danni' to the premium rate text service. Ok so the texts from nowhere have turned into texts from someone using my gf's name...

    So when i got to my gf's I show her the letter (didnt accuse her...just showed her it as i told her about these texts a while back) and she said something along the lines of 'it aint from me'. Now had it been any other nickname I'd not have thought anything of it. But the fact she has access to my phone and the subscriber and her name are the same has me thinking twice.

    I know this doesnt seem very of trusting of me and maybe its my problem there, but it just seems a bit too coincidental that someone has subscribed from my phone with her name.

    I tell her it looks a bit too coincidental and she goes off on one, which I can understand. What I cant understand is that she has no interest in who could have sent these texts from MY phone.

    Well she's at work now and im meeting her in a couple of hours, I dunno what to do to get this sorted.

    Id appreciate anyone sharing their thoughts on this.
     
  2. cleanbluesky

    Capodecina

    Joined: 2 Nov 2004

    Posts: 24,654

    How do you want us to react?

    Its a phone text, grow a spine and put your partner in place.

    If you want the truth try the 'broken record' technique... patiently ask her a question until she gives you the truth. Patiently repeat the question.
     
  3. Jamie1984

    Gangster

    Joined: 20 Oct 2005

    Posts: 427

    Location: Newcastle Upon Tyne

    Ive tried 'putting her in her place' but she still denies shes used my phone and makes the good point of 'why would I use your phone instead of my own' and i feel a bit of a **** to keep going on. But then if thats the case why isnt she interested in knowing why someone would use her name on my phone for dating service texts?
     
    Last edited: 5 May 2006
  4. Going to Cali

    Wise Guy

    Joined: 23 Aug 2004

    Posts: 1,493

    My advice, don't get angry and innocent until proven guilty. Looking back, I was confrontational with my ex and that's partly the reason she's an ex.
     
  5. cleanbluesky

    Capodecina

    Joined: 2 Nov 2004

    Posts: 24,654

    Let me give you a quick guide on how to have a personal argument...

    1) ask as many questions as you can, don't be shy of repeating questions...

    2) answer as few questions as possible, just enough to remain polite...

    3) Be confident that you are right...

    Ask her why she used your phone, if she then says "why would I use your phone" say... "that's exactly what I asked, i wanted to know why you used my phone..." broken record, reinforce the point...

    But as I said, what do you want beyong the truth?
    It sounds like you already know what happened... do you just want an admission?
     
  6. Jamie1984

    Gangster

    Joined: 20 Oct 2005

    Posts: 427

    Location: Newcastle Upon Tyne

    good advice, thanks.
     
  7. Going to Cali

    Wise Guy

    Joined: 23 Aug 2004

    Posts: 1,493

    :eek:

    you trying to get this guy dumped? It very well could have been her, but if she says it isn't, asking her a hundred times isn't going to help. What if she's telling the truth. My personal opinion is that until you have something concrete there's no need to be argumentative and petty, it'll only make things a lot worse.
     
  8. cleanbluesky

    Capodecina

    Joined: 2 Nov 2004

    Posts: 24,654

    I'm sure the OP already knows who used his phone. Its not being argumentative, I didn't say argue - I just said keep asking until you get the truth...

    and besides, when someone says something like "why would I use your phone?" you can be pretty sure they are misleading you... and good at it they are too I'd imagine. It doesn't address the question, and it turns the emphasis back on the person whose phone it is
     
  9. Jamie1984

    Gangster

    Joined: 20 Oct 2005

    Posts: 427

    Location: Newcastle Upon Tyne

    I think I know what happened, but thats just it i only 'think' i know and cant prove it. I guess im waiting on someone (prolly a woman!) that understand women to shed some light on why shed act this way.
     
  10. kitten_caboodle

    Soldato

    Joined: 21 Jul 2005

    Posts: 5,463

    Location: Frack off, nosey

    star out your sweary dude :)

    I really don't know what to say to help in this case. I suppose it comes down to the question:

    Yes or No. Do you think it was her?

    Then take your gut reaction and work from there.
     
  11. cleanbluesky

    Capodecina

    Joined: 2 Nov 2004

    Posts: 24,654

    Its because women are aliens. Or maybe not - sounds like she is behving like anyone else in that situation...

    Do you want a disclaimer? Someone to tell you that her behaviour is somehow okay, to explain it away so you can accept it?

    Ask her why she used the phone, I would...
     
  12. [TW]Fox

    Man of Honour

    Joined: 17 Oct 2002

    Posts: 156,389

    She'd have to be pretty damn stupid to sign her BOYFRIENDS phone up to a text dating service if she was after a new man.

    It's probably a mate taking the mick.
     
  13. Mr Spew

    Hitman

    Joined: 6 Oct 2005

    Posts: 612

    Location: Shropshire/Northampton

    I thought you wanted us to rate her, never mind, off I go..
     
  14. Going to Cali

    Wise Guy

    Joined: 23 Aug 2004

    Posts: 1,493

    Like I say, innocent until proven guilty. Could have been a friend or colleague on the wind up. Anyway, if she has texted this, surely the point isn't so much the whole phone thing, but why she's straying? I really think an honest two way conversation is the best way to approach things. I don't think being a broken record is going to help anyone regardless of whether she did or didn't text anyone. Sounds to me like the OP wants to sort things out, best way to do that is to be relaxed, calm and understanding. Anyway, I hope all goes well for you. :)
     
  15. Jamie1984

    Gangster

    Joined: 20 Oct 2005

    Posts: 427

    Location: Newcastle Upon Tyne

    well could be, so if this is the case is she justified in not caring who subscribed? cos if it was the other way round id be trying to find out whos trying to cause bother.
     
  16. cleanbluesky

    Capodecina

    Joined: 2 Nov 2004

    Posts: 24,654

    That or she wants to cause tension, either way I think the OP knows anyway - he seems to lack confidence more than anything.
     
  17. Jamie1984

    Gangster

    Joined: 20 Oct 2005

    Posts: 427

    Location: Newcastle Upon Tyne

    lack confidence? well I lack the confidence to keep pushing what im feeling cos there could be another explanation. But i know if the roles were reversed id be damn sure id find out who would have used her phone.

    anyway, going afk a little but ill check back before i go pick her up from work.
     
  18. kitten_caboodle

    Soldato

    Joined: 21 Jul 2005

    Posts: 5,463

    Location: Frack off, nosey

    That's the thought that troubled me too to be honest. If that was me and I hadn't used the phone, i'd be livid and want to know who was trying to cause us grief. If I had used the phone I might have played it down and pretended it wasn't a big deal while I figured out what to do/how much you suspected.

    ....but I could be totally wrong.
     
  19. LynnieLeigh

    Wise Guy

    Joined: 21 Feb 2004

    Posts: 1,421

    Location: Liverpool

    My advice would be to contact the company and try and found out exactly when the initial text was sent. That way you will know who had access to your phone at that time.
     
  20. kitten_caboodle

    Soldato

    Joined: 21 Jul 2005

    Posts: 5,463

    Location: Frack off, nosey

    that's an excellent suggestion.